A tame lion

So McDonald's now has Chronicles of Narnia Happy Meals.

Each comes with one of several plastic Narnia figurines -- Tumnus, Lucy, Edmund. Aslan.

They're selling plastic Aslans at McDonald's.

Plastic Aslans. At McDonald's.

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I ...

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Plastic Aslans at McDonald's. The crucifixion-nail pendants were pretty awful, but at least Mel had the decency not to license Happy Meals.

Related: Who buys this stuff?

Comments

[mike]

I think you may need to come to terms with the possibility that you're just not MAC enough.

[Ray]

Crucifixion-nail pendants? That's hilarious.

Is everyone else thinking of that Bill Hicks routine where people wear little rifles in memory of JFK, and think it's a sincere symbol of respect to greet Kennedys by holding up an imaginary rifle and pulling the trigger?

[straight]

At least nobody is selling plastic Jesus toys with Water-Walking Action(TM) for kids to play with or stick on the dashboard of your car.

[Rasselas]

I think I'm going to throw up. That may be because I have the flu, but it may also be vertigo resulting from (to ape Douglas Adams) the eccentricity in the Earth's orbit caused by C.S. Lewis spinning in his grave.

[kevin]

Yes, but my 2 year old and my 4 year old LOVE the little Lion from the happy meal. And the White Witch -- they think the thing on top of her head is a light bulb. Doesn't the joy of small children count for anything? :)

[Sandals]

I think you guys are just evading the real question; namely, whether or not you are MAC enough?

[Linkmeister]

Which goes to show that to Disney, Aslan is merely The Lion King in a different celluloid vehicle.

[Kebko]

"At least nobody is selling plastic Jesus toys with Water-Walking Action(TM) for kids to play with or stick on the dashboard of your car."

I don't know if you're being serious, but there actually is such a thing. I've seen it in stores at places like Jerome, AZ, although, I think it's probably meant to be ironic.

[Luthe]

It gets worse. At Toys 'R Us, they are selling Aslan action figures. With "Biting Action!"

I did not think anyone could possibly commit sacrilige like that without being struck by lightning.

(For the record, I would prefer to worship Aslan over Jesus, so I am proportionately less offended by Jesus action figures.)

[delagar]

Aslan figures with biting actions. Oh my.

Now I want Jesus figures. With smiting action. Please? Please?

[Ray]

You've all seen Godyssey, right?
http://www.stjeromeslibrary.com/library/?p=499

[Cathy]

I note that McDonald's is actually selling "Merchandis" rather than "Merchandise". Proofread, people, proofread...or is it an editorial statement on the items being sold? Does spelling it wrong mean they're exempt from some legal definition of merchandise, just as the "creme" filling in a Twinkie signifies that there's no actual dairy product anywhere near it?

[JR]

Umm. Not to be too dense here, but why WOULDN'T McDs be selling plastic Aslan figures? I mean, it is a popular fantasy/action movie aimed at kids. I know that some Christian groups have lain claim to the book and film as a thinly veiled Christian allegory, and I know that C.S. Lewis probably meant the book that way (although the quotes I have read seem to indicate that he viewed it as a way to prime the pump so to speak.)

But in our secular household, while the movie and the book have been appreciated as a decent fantasy yarn, there is nothing overtly religious in either the book or the movie. I went into both prepared to choke on the heavy allegory and thinly veiled Christian lessons, but I didn't find either.

I mean, I appreciate that it evokes all these emotions and strong feelings in some Christian folks, but the parallels are invisible to those not "in the know." For me, incredulity at Aslan figures for sale at McD's is about the same at being aghast that they made plastic toys of Gandalf when LOTR first hit theaters.

[Arturus]

Regarding the jesus action figure thread, I got one of those for my pastor. She thought it was great, and used it the next week for her children's message.

[OG]

Wonder if I still have my jumbo-sized nail cross stuck away somewhere?

The nail crosses are hardly a new thing. I was given mine sometime in the early 70s, IIRC. I mostly recall that it was large enough to be a handy (if blunt) dagger, and being told that it was a more appropriate cross to have around than those fancy Catholic-styled ones. The latter allowed one to forget all the suffering of the Crucifixion, and one should never forget that.

I presume (I hope) straight is referring to the song "Plastic Jesus".
(see http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/plastic0.htm)

"You can buy Him phosphorescent / Glows in the dark, He's pink and pleasant
/ Take Him with you when you're travelling far."

[Perry]

So what if McD's is selling these? It's a beloved children's book, not scripture. My kids enjoy playing with them and it's a good way to extend the experience of the book (or the movie).

As for the biting action Aslan at ToysRUs, didn't Aslan lead the good guys in battle in the books? I'm pretty sure that he would have used both fangs and claws in battle. What do you think? That the good guys just hugged the bad guys to death? Peter used a freaking sword. Would you freak out if it had "stabbing action"? That's what swords are for.

Get a grip and stop reflexively bashing McDonald's.

[bulbul]

My first encounter of the plastic kind involved a website that offered "Sports Jesus" figures - Jesus playing soccer, Jesus holding a baseball bat, that sort of sh... stuff. First I laughed, thinking "oh what a funny hoax". Then I clicked one of the links. Then I clicked another. It took me about ten other sites to find out that it was no hoax, that those people were really selling little Jesus action figures like he was another superhero and that none of them apparently thought there was anything wrong with this.
Where are all iconoclasts when you actually need them?

You know, I thought the exact same thing today while I was shopping. And I'm not a Christian, but gosh, I spared a thought for poor, poor CS Lewis.

[bulbul]

Related: Who buys this stuff?

And who would respond to slogans like "X that lets you BE YOURSELF" or "Are you enough"? Who writes those things? Honestly, every time I watch that stupid perfume comercial ("Your fragrance. Your rules.") I cannot help but think of all the imaginative ways of executing people recorded in medieval chronicles.

I mean, come on - "Your fragrance. Your rules." What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!

What the fuck?!

Rant over.

[Evan]

"The Plastic Aslans" is my new band name.

[j swift]

Alas, the best Burger King could come up with is rehashed Furbys. Drubbed again by McDonalds, (tsk, tsk)

[Julia]

I have no idea who buys that stuff.

And I would have loved a plastic Aslan toy when I was 7.

(Not sure when I'm going to next be buying a happy meal. With my luck, I'll end up with Susan when I do. I'd much rather get Lucy.)

[bulbul]

Perry: As for the biting action Aslan at ToysRUs, didn't Aslan lead the good guys in battle in the books?
I am not sure how you managed to intepret Luthe's (and delagar's) objections of the 2nd commandment kind as objections to violence, but it's quite a feat. My hat is off to you.
But seriously, how on Earth did you do that?

[Kevin]

There are plenty of Jesus action figures out there. Just Google "Jesus action figure" and you'll be surprised at what fun you'll have. You just have to look around a bit. My favorite one has Jesus equipped with a machine gun and grenade, clenching a knife between his teeth, all while wearing a U.S. army helmet.

Oh, and the walk on water Jesus toy has its own commercial: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/jesus.php

[Luthe]

Perry, I think you have missed an important point of the Narnia books. Aslan is "not a tame lion." Hence the title of this post. I have no objections to Aslan not being a tame lion. In fact, I rather prefer the fact he not.

However, I do have objections to his being reduced to an action figure whose claim to fame is biting action. Aslan is defined by far more than his capacity for violence, and touting that above all other things disturbs me. Plus, of course, the sheer WTFery of selling Aslan action figures in the first place. Any and all dignity the character possesses has been robbed by crass marketing. That is what I object to, not the implied violence.

(The Horse and His Boy is my favorite of the Narnia books. In it, Aslan uses his claws to punish one of the heroines. He is not a tame lion.)

[Fhydra]

bulbul, I don't think Perry was objecting to violence, just pointing out that Aslan did bite in the film, so it wouldn't be unexpected to see it on a toy.

And I don't see the big deal with Aslan being a toy. As JR said, it's a fantasy movie. People here were worried about going to see Narnia not too long ago because the box office numbers would be used against them in the Culture War. Now people think that Aslan action figures are sacrilege?!

Seriously, let's deal with more important matters, like how Fred is going to catch up on all the Left Behind Fridays he missed.

[Fletch]

All I'm going to say, on the topic of tasteless/inappropriate religious toys, is this.

Google "Jackhammer Jesus". And do not do so from work. I won't link it here, given that I'm unsure of the rules here and I may already be busting one.

Enough said.

[bulbul]

Fhydra: I disagree. Especially in the light of the "hugging to death" comment.
As for the sacrilege part, I believe Luthe did a very good job explaining our feelings. Sheer WTFery, that's exactly what this is :o)

[Mark K.]

They have completely unironic Jesus Talking Bible Dolls.

[cjmr]

This was one of the reasons why I was discouraged when I heard that Disney had had anything to do with the Narnia movies at all. Aside from the fact that they usually completely ruin the intention of the author with regards to the plot of the stories they use, they also feel compelled to merchandise everything to death! Get your souvenir t-shirts here...and your HappyMeal(tm) toys...and your action figures...Aslan pjs, anyone?... What will be next, Narnia Kleenex boxes?

I guess if I have the misfortune to end up in a McD's during this promotion my kids will be getting the Fisher Price toddler toys option, whatever it is this month.

[Josh]

My grandfather runs a collection of CS Lewis, George MacDonald, and Dorothy Sayers books and such at Taylor University, and he tells me that he has been having to buy Narnia Happy Meals, as ridiculous as he thinks they are, for the sake of completion. Fun!

[Julia]

Narnia Kleenex boxes?

Maybe. I'd expect Narnia packaging around Huggies wipes around the same time, though.

(I haven't bought very many Kleenex boxes with Disney movie themes, but you can't buy the travel packs of Huggies wipes without Disney on them, and I hate the mouse, so we get Pooh and Toy Story and Finding Nemo packages. Oh, and I think I bought a package of Disney Princess ones because it was either that or the damned mouse at that store that day.)

[Chuchundra]

If you like the plastic Aslans, you'll love this:

http://www.goingjesus.com/cavalcade.shtml>

[KCinDC]

For me, incredulity at Aslan figures for sale at McD's is about the same at being aghast that they made plastic toys of Gandalf when LOTR first hit theaters.

And your point is?

By the way, have people seen Jesus of the Week?

[Kevin]

And speaking of scary merchandising, Pat Robertson wants to bring us Holy Land theme park. In Israel. Seriously.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/israel/Story/0,2763,1677557,00.html?gusrc=rss

[Fernmonkey]

Evan: I WANTED TO MAKE THAT JOKE!

*sulks, cries*

[Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little]

Egad.

Y'know, my reaction is pretty similar to Fred's. And it's not because Aslan is Jesus and therefore holy. It's because Aslan, in his own storyline, is a God. And therefore holy.

I would have similar reactions to action figures based on Alta (Jane Yolen's Sister Light, Sister Dark) or the Moon Woman (Robin McKinley's Deerskin) or, or, I dunno, The High One (Patricia McKillip's The Riddlemaster of Hed).

(The High One! With Land-Rule-Granting Action[tm]! ...*shudder*)

Blasphemy? Yes, in a way. Not because those characters are Deities in Real Life, but because such merchandising just totally, totally disregards the spirit of the story. It's blasphemy against Story, that's what it is. This bothers me. Probably more than it should, admittedly, but then it's not too far off to say that Story is my religion.

Plastic Aslan toys are simply a sign that the person responsible doesn't get it. In a sublime sort of not-getting-it way.

Besides, C. S. Lewis's whole objection during his life to Disney taking on Narnia was the possibility of cartoonizing Aslan. He probably would have been just fine with the movie, but the merchandising has totally lived down to his fears, in my opinion. Even before McDonald's started with the Happy Meal toys.

(That said, I wonder whether little children in Archenland during the Golden Age had little wooden carved figures of Aslan given to them by their parents for Christmas?)

[Temperance]

I hate to tell you, cjmr, but I bought a 3-pack of Kleenex and one of them IS a Narnia tie-in... which I noticed only after I got home and opened the 3-pack. It's OK with me as I am a rabid Narnia fanatic (since age 11) and enjoyed the movie, even though in principle I agree with you that the merchandising has gotten completely out of hand. I too would have loved a toy Aslan.

[cjmr]

nicole,

Archenlandic children being given Aslan figures for Christmas, IMO, would be more akin to the plastic and wooden Nativity sets I give my children to play with during Advent or to hanging a crucifix in their rooms than to Disney's merchandising operations. I have a feeling that little boys who receive an Aslan toy 'with real biting action' are going to be using it to savage their other stuffed animals to death, not to contemplate the lessons learned in the movie.

temperance,

What! They've done the Kleenex boxes already? I wonder when the breakfast cereal will be coming out...

[Ray]

What were the lessons learned in the movie though? When it came down to it, didn't Aslan & co defeat the White Witch by being better in a fight?

[Jesurgislac]

Ray: What were the lessons learned in the movie though? When it came down to it, didn't Aslan & co defeat the White Witch by being better in a fight?

No - Aslan defeated the White Witch because he'd read the small print more thoroughly than she had. ("And the moral of this story is, children, when you take over a magical kingdom - make sure you've read all the small print! Seek out an independent magical advisor who can give you free, trustworthy advice about the magical kingdom best suited to your needs.")

[Andy]

Aslan? He'd be better as a plush toy. I want me a White Witch action figure with a sword and magic wand!

[Ray]

New Aslan figure - now comes with degree from Ivy League law school!

[Dan Layman-Kennedy]

Damn it all, I really, really want a High One action figure now.

Also, while we're at it, a Raven King, a Maestro Sartori, and a Mr. Wednesday (who hopefully comes with a deck of cards, a bottle of mead and a mock Strad).

Of course, I don't have any particular personal religious attachment to any of these, despite belonging likewise to a branch of the Church of Story (possibly, I'm coming to think, a heretical one). More personally, I worship a god with an elephant head - who, let's be honest, would make a really badass action figure Himself.

[cjmr's husband]

The action figures seem to be out of stock, but here's a Ganesha finger puppet...

http://givemetoys.zoovy.com/product/AC_10578

[Dahne]

and a Mr. Wednesday (who hopefully comes with a deck of cards, a bottle of mead and a mock Strad).

YES.

Hey, know what's scary? Neil Gaiman's novels have a much better grip on the real effects of religeon on people than the Left Behind series does.

[Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little]

I want me a White Witch action figure with a sword and magic wand!

Thank you, Andy. Now I have highlights from the Looney Tunes riff on Wagner stuck my head. Thank you oh so very much, my friend.

"Spear and magic HELmet! Spear and magic HELmet!"
"Spear and magic helmet?" *ear droop*

(Darn those phonetic/metric earworms.)