And such small portions

The gizmo that calculated this (via) informs me that:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• missionary (4x)
• hell (3x)
• death (2x)
• dick (1x)

I'm fairly sure that those first two words were used here in their theological senses, while the last one was, I think, a mention of the vice president's name. I suppose if they'd realized I was talking about Cheney, I'd have gotten the NC-17 rating.

• Parrots not telepathic after all. (Via Regret the Error)

• Just wrong, but fun. (via Optimus Prime)

• Mike posted this on the Fourth of July: Marvin Gaye's All-Star National Anthem. (Also from my personal Top Ten renditions: Natalie Gilbert and Mo Cheeks.) More cool Fourth of July music here.

• By Neddie Jingo! on "Deer Hunting With Jesus"

On a somewhat-related note to that, this NPR story on candidates' attempts to reach rural voters provides a good enough excuse to refer back to my two cents on the subject -- a couple of policy suggestions that might help win over some rural voters but which are also, I think, the Right Thing To Do:

• Health care for farmers: a third of all farmers don't have health insurance, so sign 'em all up for Medicare.

• Regulate rent for manufactured homes: "Trailer park" shouldn't be a punch line -- manufactured homes are to much of rural America what apartments are to urban America. The difference is that it's a lot harder for the owners of manufactured homes to move when the rent on the land beneath them increases. Since moving really isn't an option for these folks, they're a captive class, unable to provide any market pressure to keep rents reasonable -- and if the market can't do the job, regulation is the next best thing. (Cue the ScotBot.)

• Gentle Prodding Dept.: I'm looking forward to "Children of the Goats, Part 4"

Comments

[Drak Pope]

I hate Bible Fight.

Not for any religious reasons, but because I can never beat Adam and Eve on the first level.

[the opoponax]

I keep seeing "Gentle Prodding Dept." as "Gene Roddenberry", for some reason.

You know how they say humans only use about 15% of their brains? I feel like a good portion of the remaining 85% of mine is in the form of some kind of baroque Rube Goldberg machine between my eyes and whichever part of my brain is responsible for actually reading the words I'm looking at.

[Penh]

Yowza... I clicked over to "Children of the Goats," and I'd like to contribute to the Gentle Prodding Fund now. *poke*poke*

[Nebris]

Thanks for introducing me to Joe Bageant.

[Geds]

But not 3000 Miles from Graceland, Part 5?

I'd be miffed, were it not for the fact that I happen to know it exists on a jump drive somewhere and I'm not happy with it...

[Scott]

Instead of regulating rents, I say we kill the liberals and sell their organs to rich foreign businessmen for transplants. We can then use that money to Do Good. You don't oppose doing good, do you Fred? No sacrifice is too big, isn't it, Fred? How's your health?

[Jeff]

IWNFTT. IWNFTT. IWNFTT. There, I feel better.

[Lurk]

Is Scott now starting to parody the act of parodying himself? His posts just keep getting more and more bizzare.

[hapax]

@Jeff "IWNFTT"

But he's so *cute.* And look at those big moist eyes, and the way he cocks his little head. He's STARVING, I tell you. STARVING.

[Geds]

Um, what's IWNFTT?

I think we're getting to the point where you have to learn a whole new language to communicate via the intertubes...

[Mike Timonin]

IWNFTT = I will not feed the troll(s)

And I gotta agree with Lurk - it looked like self-parody to me too.

[Jesurgislac]

Hapax: But he's so *cute.* And look at those big moist eyes, and the way he cocks his little head. He's STARVING, I tell you. STARVING.

Tapeworms don't have eyes.

But, that's either self-parody or we have a Scott-clone who thinks mimicking Scott is funny...

[12xuser]

Missionary, hell, death, dick gets you an R? I'm sure all of those could be found in a PG movie, even in their non-religious meanings. Maybe even a G.

@Jesu: "Tapeworms don't have eyes."

Oh, SNAP! (snrrk...)

[Drak Pope]

That was brilliant. They don't have eyes. S/he's calling ya an inter-testinal parasite!

[Jeff]

I like calling troll-like critters "invertebrate coprophagic cestodas". The English translation is left as an exercise for the reader.

[Evan]

Hahaha. This rating thing is seriously weird: it rated my LiveJournal PG. *snerk* My LiveJournal with at least two NC-17 yaoi fics and an NC-17 fanart.

Psst, have you gotten the LB books yet?

[Sarah Jane]

I got a "G" rating with the thingy finding "no bad words". At the moment, I have drawings of dead babies on my main page.

[I know this is a worn-out excuse, but they're for an art project. I've been drawing from stillborn human fetuses, which is the only way one can effectively draw fetuses, you know. It's been intense, but it's not quite as creepy as it sounds!]

[Angelika]

death (2x)

Why is death something, about which a sixteen year old is not considered able to read on his/her own? After all, all human life tends to end with it. Every one of them is bound to lose somebody they love at some point. What good can it do to keep older children and teenagers to contemplate on what is inevitable?

"Trailer park" shouldn't be a punch line -- manufactured homes are to much of rural America what apartments are to urban America. The difference is that it's a lot harder for the owners of manufactured homes to move when the rent on the land beneath them increases. Since moving really isn't an option for these folks, they're a captive class, unable to provide any market pressure to keep rents reasonable -- and if the market can't do the job, regulation is the next best thing.

There is one other thing about trailer parks, which has me worried quite a bit: Trailer parks make those people most dependent on fossil fuels who are the least able to afford them. Trailers are often very poorly insulated and more expensive to heat than an average apartment. Most trailer parks, at least where I live, are located somewhere in the middle of nowhere, with no shopping opportunity or employment in walking distance. Public transportation is very often not available either. I don't foresee fuel prices becoming considerably cheaper again, rather the opposite. And raising fuel parks will cause the rural poor living in trailer parks serious economic problems.

[Angelika]

ooops, I meant 'raising fuel prices'

[Geds]

I think we can all agree that the little blog rating tool was programmed by a bunch of tools.

It's like a dumber version of The Dove Foundation (http://www.dove.org/).

[alsafi]

I'm beginning to actually worry a little about Scott. He's gotten more and more ...out there recently. More personal, and more outrageous. I can't decide if it's just that he's desperately trying to get our attention by any means necessary, including flinging poo, or if there's actually something going on in his life that is hurtful enough that he's lashing out with that pain.

So Scott, I hope you're okay. I think your embrace of libertarianism is willfully naïve, which is why you keep trying to reduce liberalism to the most extreme and absurd lengths so that it will be comparable. But I wouldn't wish pain or disaster on you, no matter what you believe. And even if you aren't having any other problems in your life that are making you be so nasty lately--even if you're just throwing a tantrum because we won't pay attention to you any more--I hope your life gets better and less lonely, and that you can start moving into "right relationship" with the people around you, so that getting anonymous strangers to validate you with their attention is no longer something you need.

[Richard]

I'm a little disapointed that you stopped with "healthcare for farmers" -- certainly universal health care is a Great Good Thing that we owe to *all* of our citizens? Granted, farmers (those who haven't been driven off the land by corporations) get a raw deal today, but so do so many others. Our for-profit health care system is fundamentally broken, and this is something that should be a national disgrace for all of us, liberals, conservatives, seculars, religious folks, and everyone else in between.

[Majromax]

I'm a little disapointed that you stopped with "healthcare for farmers" -- certainly universal health care is a Great Good Thing that we owe to *all* of our citizens?

Baby steps.

[Geds]

Re: farmers and Health Care.

It is an issue of baby steps. I think Fred brought this point up at some point in the past, but it's an issue of claiming the importance of the conversation away from moronic talking heads.

For, you see, National Healthcare is step one on the three-step path to Communism. Step two is the "Welfare State," in which the government supports single mothers who make a cottage industry out of having babies and sitting around pregnant and lazy East Coast liberals finally get to achieve their dreams of not having to work while they sit around trying to figure out how to take everything away from the honest, God-fearing folk who populate the heartland of this great country.

(I'm going to pause while I let my sarcasm meter cool down a bit.)

However, if we manage to point out things like, "Those honest, God-fearing folk who have farms in the heartland have no health insurance," and, "The government is screwing them over in the name of continuing to fight the Cold War," we start to shift opinion.

It's rhetoric and the forces that are against the notion are liars. The only way to stop it is to convince people of the truth of the situation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMu6wCqdeyQ

Short version: clip from Cavuto's show in which the claim is made that universal healthcare will lead to terrorists inlfiltrating our health care system.

You've got to take these things on a little bit at a time...

[Tonio]

Can you come up with a sentence that uses all four words? I was thinking of the 19th-century Christian missionaries who regarded other positions for intercourse as sinful. I don't know exactly why they believed that - perhaps they felt that God intended men to be in charge, in bed as well as in life. I wonder what position the Promise Keepers teach?

Geds, the only think lacking from your excellent sarcasm was some racial code.

I'm not sure that national healthcare would be any better than what we have. I propose a third option - non-profit health insurance cooperatives supported by low-interest government loans, like federal credit unions and electric cooperatives.

[hapax]

@Tonio: "Can you come up with a sentence that uses all four words?"

GWB: "Hell yes, Dick, I'll be your Missionary of Death!"

[Geds]

You'll be banished to Hell after your death if you have sex that's not the missionary position and use anything other than a real...

Hey, what's another word for the male genitalia?

[Steve]

Not sure how this rating this works, but is it possible Missionary and Hell get rated R for their religious meanings? Because some people would see those as adult topics, or want to oversee what their kids are exploring when it comes to religion. Just wondering.

[Steve]

Meet Dick Death, Missionary from Hell.

[hapax]

@Steve:

I really really want to change that to:

Meet Death Dick, Missionary from Hell...

[Bugmaster]

"Don't dick around with the missionaries, or you're going straight to Hell right after your death !"

[Jeff]

[Dramatic Chord]
Mr Hell? I'm Missionary Dick and I am YOUR DEATH!!!
[Even More Dramatic Chord]

[Bugmaster]

Aw hell, it's Dick the Missionary at the door again, trying to annoy me to death...

[Sarah Jane]

Tonio: "I was thinking of the 19th-century Christian missionaries who regarded other positions for intercourse as sinful. I don't know exactly why they believed that - perhaps they felt that God intended men to be in charge, in bed as well as in life. I wonder what position the Promise Keepers teach?"

The popular Mr. LaHaye (of LB fame) believes that male and female anatomy were created, in part, to indicate the male's dominance over the female. While he doesn't go so far as to describe other sexual positions as "sinful", he does write at length on the merits of missionary sex.

[Bugmaster]

[Mr. LaHaye] does write at length on the merits of missionary sex

I know I'll regret asking this. I know. But... what does he say ? *cowers in anticipated fear*

[hapax]

@Bugmaster: See the original title of this post. Now insert the prefix "pro-" in the appropriate location.

[Bugmaster]

Well, obviously LaHaye is for it. I was just curious to find out why -- given his likely lack of experience in this area...

[Ryan Ferneau]

For, you see, National Healthcare is step one on the three-step path to Communism. Step two is the "Welfare State," in which the government supports single mothers who make a cottage industry out of having babies and sitting around pregnant and lazy East Coast liberals finally get to achieve their dreams of not having to work while they sit around trying to figure out how to take everything away from the honest, God-fearing folk who populate the heartland of this great country.

So wait, what's the third step?

[Sarah Jane]

hapax, you made me laugh hard.

Bugmaster, have a peek at "The Act of Marriage." It's perhaps the grossest book I've ever read -- 315 action-packed pages of Tim LaHaye's* bizarre ideas on sexual relationships. It manages to be painfully strict and clinical while reinforcing nearly every sexual stereotype I can imagine. Highlights include the aforementioned passage on gender roles as defined by anatomy, and LaHaye's repeated insistence that oral sex is an aberration introduced by the porn industry, and that no good Christian spouses would ever have thought of it otherwise.

* Technically, Beverly LaHaye is co-author of the book. However, the book's emphasis on rigid gender roles would suggest that Beverly's only acceptable "authorship" would have been making Tim's lunch while he was typing up rough drafts. Interestingly, "The Act of Marriage After 40" introduces a second co-author in addition to Beverly. I don't want to think too much about the implications of that.

[Jeff]

LaHaye's repeated insistence that oral sex is an aberration introduced by the porn industry

Then let's hear it for porn! Give a shout they can hear in San Fernando Valley! Whooot!

(Yes, I'm aware than fellatio and cunnilingus existed long before Chatsworth was even a wide spot in the road. How else would they get those names, Mr Dumb-ass LaHaye?)

[Geds]

So wait, what's the third step?

Institution of Communism as our default government.

Yes, I know it doesn't make any sense. But I also know people who support Gee Dubs in spite of the fact that they don't like the Neocons at all and are basically Eisenhower Republicans, yet think the Democrats are conspiring with the ACLU to bring about Communism.

The entire thing is entirely like the Underpants Gnomes from South Park.

Step 1: Steal underpants.
Step 2: [blank]
Step 3: Money!

[Tonio]

Sarah Jane, after reading your post about "The Act of Marriage" Margaret Atwood's fundamentalist dystopia in "The Handmaid's Tale" doesn't sound all that unbelievable.

Are you familiar with James Dobson's "Love for a Lifetime"? I received it as a wedding present, and some of the advice had merit. But Dobson went on a two-page rant about how God allegedly created women as inferior to me. I tossed aside the book in disgust.

[Tonio]

"But I also know people who support Gee Dubs in spite of the fact that they don't like the Neocons at all and are basically Eisenhower Republicans, yet think the Democrats are conspiring with the ACLU to bring about Communism."

I know many conservatives like that. (I consider myself liberal on social issues and conservative on fiscal issues.) Their view of Democrats seems to come from their objections to helmet laws, gun laws, and smoking bans in restaurants. They regard these as limits on personal freedom. I can sorta-kinda see their point. But most of them also oppose gay marriage because they regard it as government support of "deviancy," which is different from the fundamentalists' position on the issue.

[Drak Pope]

But most of them also oppose gay marriage because they regard it as government support of "deviancy," which is different from the fundamentalists' position on the issue.

What do the fundamentalists believe?

[Tonio]

"What do the fundamentalists believe?"

That homosexuality is a sin because God forbids it. Different mindset than the secular one I described above, which rests on a derived conclusion about normality. The latter position seems defensible at first, but it is still based on the horrid notion that one's personal life should be subject to society's vote even when the personal life doesn't hurt the self or others.

[Sarah Jane]

Sorry, Tonio, I missed "Love for a Lifetime." The truth is, I've pretty much given up on Christian books in general, and Christian marriage books in particular. It's unfortunate that there's so much bad writing out there, because marriage itself is very sacramental, and I think a thoughtful writer could say a lot about that ways that we become more holy through the process of living in intimate relationship with one another.

Maybe such books even exist. Has anyone climbed over the piles and piles of "Christian" drivel to discover them?

[Drak Pope]

Different mindset than the secular one I described above,

Now that I think about, you're right, but I'm wondering; where do they get their derived conclusion about normality? Do they just pull it out of the air or does it come from some non-religious source (science?)

[hapax]

Sarah Jane: "Maybe such books even exist. "

Try Catherine Wallace's FOR FIDELITY. I think you'll be very impressed.

(The Mad Book Pusher What Pushes Books At Midnight strikes again!)

[Tonio]

Sarah Jane, my wedding gifts also included a marriage book written by the founder of the Promise Keepers. I can't remember the title or the author.

With marriage books based in religion, my concern is whether they derive their advice from a sacramental view of marriage or from some notion of "God's will." The latter was the problem with the LaHaye and Promise Keeper books. (Whoever gave us the books didn't realize that my wife and I don't even consider ourselves Christians.)