O.J.!

O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... Hey, wait, isn't there a war going on? ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... A war that can never end, because ending it would supposedly mean losing or "surrendering" ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... Even though there's not really anybody to lose to ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... And neverending war without purpose doesn't really sound like it makes us winners either ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... And no one, absolutely no one, seems able to tell us what "winning" would mean or look like other than never, ever ending ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.!

O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... So shouldn't we, maybe, be talking about this? ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.!

O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... Shouldn't there be hourlong nightly news specials asking questions like "What would winning mean?" ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... Or how will or can or should this ever, ever end? ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... Or just, you know, what's the point at this point? ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! ... Or is the situation just so completely insoluble, so massively FUBAR that we're desperate to latch onto any distracting bit of shark-attack, Anna Nicole, Paris Lohan nonsense we can find? ... O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.! O.J.!

Comments

[Geds]

The real tragedy in all of this, though, is the fact that we didn't have any hot, underage blondes get reported as missing. I mean, if I'm going to be lulled to sleep by the media, I don't want to look at O.J. all day.

[cjmr's husband]

I can't even drink orange juice anymore without getting an upset stomach. Or without vodka.

[Bugmaster]

Begone, foul spirit ! I name thee: SCTT ! And by the power of my will, and of thy true name, I command thee: Leave poor Fred's body, and return to the nether pits from whence you came. My will be done !

[Rozzen]

What's up with O.J. ?

[cjmr]

Apparently I should be very glad I haven't had the TV or the radio on at all today?

[cjmr's husband]

The last few days. I've seen a few headlines on fark.com, but have so far resisted looking. Apparently he got himself arrested. I'm sure he didn't do it.

[Rozzen]

Yeah Fred, you wouldn't be so distraught if you had spent your day in a healthy manner arguing about feminist SF, the suburbs and Inigo Montoya puns like we did :)

[mmack]

The real tragedy in all of this, though, is the fact that we didn't have any hot, underage blondes get reported as missing.

Then what will Nancy Grace have to report on tonight?

Apparently he got himself arrested. I'm sure he didn't do it.

He was caught breaking into the house where the "real killers" of Nicole and Ron live. He was preparing to administer extreme justice when the police caught him. Can't have the boys in blue getting shown up.

[Abelardus]

Poor Fred. Point taken; point taken and driven home like a stake in the heart.

[Geds]

mmack:

No, that would have at least been interesting. He broke in to a casino or something and tried to steal some memorabilia that he claimed was stolen from him in the first place. At least that's now it shows up in, "If I Stole It..." his new book, out tomorrow.

And, as a derail (or is it, given that the subject at hand is a derail from the news?), here's a fun Yahoo News article starring Tony Perkins, Phyllis Schlafly and the broad coalition of "values voters" who are really feeling left out in the cold by the Republican Party's newfound love of bathroom sex and openly adulterous and Mormon candidates.

[mmack]

Fred and Geds,

Now if O.J. would break into the Green Zone in Baghdad and hold Nouri Al-Maliki hostage for a Humvee and $25 million in gold, you might have something that met all your needs.

But only if Nancy Grace or Bill O'Reilly covered it.

[Geds]

Oh, that would be lovely.

[Scott]

Can't we spare a few moments from the govt incompetence that is the Iraq war to discuss the govt incompetence of a double murderer going free, only to evidently commit another violent crime?

[mmack]

Geds,

Sorry, I messed up.

I forgot to add Brittany Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, or any other "Flavor of the Moment" (TM) starlet to the narrative.

So let's try this again:

O.J. breaks into Brittany's house, kidnaps her, hijacks an airliner to Baghdad, and holds Brittany and the passengers on the plane hostage for a Humvee driven by Al Cowlings and $25 Million in gold.

Fred gets his discussion on Iraq

Nancy Grace has her missing single blond woman angle

Bill O'Reilly and Rush get their "Why do liberal celebrities hate America?" angle

And everyone else has their "OMG OMG OMG OMG O.J. OMG OMG OMG OMG Brittany OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" angle.

What'cha think, will it play in Peoria?

[Geds]

What'cha think, will it play in Peoria?

I hightailed it out of Peoria as quickly as possible last time around, so I'm not up on things over there as much as I could be.

Buy, yeah, it should...

[Geds]

Bah, that's "But," not "Buy."

[cjmr]

O.J. breaks into Brittany's house, kidnaps her, hijacks an airliner to Baghdad, and holds Brittany and the passengers on the plane hostage for a Humvee driven by Al Cowlings and $25 Million in gold.

Does the bumper sticker on that read, "Gold is my co-pilot"?

[Joshua]

Hey, Fred, I think I heard something about OJ getting arrested for something. Maybe we should be talking about that?

[Spalanzani]

I don't think that I'm an especially snobbish or elitist person (most of the time, anyway), but sometimes I'm really glad I don't have a tv...

[Drew Habits]

O.J.!

[Robb]

Does anyone else find it sad that the Dem-08s are all talking about ending the war in terms of "bringing all U.S. troops home"? Like, all of them agree that there's a Civil war that's going on, and that it's potentially another Darfur (or worse?), but we don't even give a shit about that anymore either?

Focusing on OJ, who killed only 2 people (that we know of), is far easier than thinking about a war that's already been lost, with only the scale of casualties left to be decided. That's what I think, at least.

[Robb]

Wait, did I miss something about Britney when we were talking about OJ? Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!

[Rozzen]

Does anyone else find it sad that the Dem-08s are all talking about ending the war in terms of "bringing all U.S. troops home"? Like, all of them agree that there's a Civil war that's going on, and that it's potentially another Darfur (or worse?), but we don't even give a shit about that anymore either?

I don't know how many of them don't give a shit, I suspect the numbers aren't different from the Republican side, but what they certainly think is that the US presence there isn't making things better. And that given the overextension of your forces the question isn't if you withdraw but when. And they don't see how "later" would make things worse than "sooner".

[LL]

Two women I work with (one's 30, the other 60-something) spent more time at lunch today talking about OJ and what a scumbag he is than I have ever heard either of them discussing any war. I'm not saying people have to have the same priorities as I do (I myself rarely go on about the war, it's kinda beyond my control, so there's no point), but when you're capable of being angered by anything OJ does now, you need more to do.

[Ron Woan]

Wait for it...

http://www.maximonline.com/Sports/Ballapologies/slideshow/3731/245.aspx?src=tst98

http://www.maximonline.com/Sports/Ballapologies/slideshow/3731/245.aspx?src=tst98

Ahh...Where's my cigarette?

[Ursula L]

Does anyone else find it sad that the Dem-08s are all talking about ending the war in terms of "bringing all U.S. troops home"? Like, all of them agree that there's a Civil war that's going on, and that it's potentially another Darfur (or worse?), but we don't even give a shit about that anymore either?

Well, our presence has been a pretty continual case of making things worse in Iraq. Worse when we imposed sanctions that cut off medical supplies and food, worse when we bombed, worse when we invaded, and continually worse throughout the occupation. If there is one thing that's been shown, it is that any US activity in Iraq makes things worse for the Iraqi people. Given that, getting out of the way is the best we can do, in the hopes that, at the very least, we can stop being the people making things worse.

[ako]

Does anyone else find it sad that the Dem-08s are all talking about ending the war in terms of "bringing all U.S. troops home"?

Yes, but not in the same way you do. I don't think it's indifference to Iraqis, I think it's a sign of not knowing any way to make things better (or even fail to make things worse). Honestly, I think withdrawing American troops is the least bad of a selection of horrible options. Which is tremendously sad in of itself.

[the bunny]

(GE) I (GE) can't (GE) imagine (GE) why (GE) we (GE) would (GE) want (GE) a (GE) war (GE) that (GE) never (GE) ends, (GE) or (GE) why (GE) the (GE) media (GE) won't (GE) question (GE) it.

[the bunny]

(GE) I (GE) can't (GE) imagine (GE) why (GE) we (GE) would (GE) want (GE) a (GE) war (GE) that (GE) never (GE) ends, (GE) or (GE) why (GE) the (GE) media (GE) won't (GE) question (GE) it.

[85% Duane]

Does anyone else find it sad that the Dem-08s are all talking about ending the war in terms of "bringing all U.S. troops home"?

When you've screwed the pooch, there aren't a lot of good post-screwed-pooch options. Republicans want to keep the penis in the pooch, presumably because as long as we're still screwing the pooch, we can't know how bad things are going to be when we're finished screwing the pooch. And they can grin and pretend that perpetual screwing of the pooch is teh most awesomemest and natural thing in the world, even whilst they chafe.

Democrats want to pull out of the pooch and assess the post-screwed pooch damage. Things are likely to fall out and otherwise go awry when we remove our collective dick from the pooch.

Regardless of how bad things are going to be there is no way to unscrew the pooch. That is the key point: THE POOCH HAS BEEN SCREWED. All we can do is pull out, get the pooch some humanitarian relief and hold SOMEONE responsible for screwing the pooch.

[J]

Does anyone else find it sad that the Dem-08s are all talking about ending the war in terms of "bringing all U.S. troops home"? Like, all of them agree that there's a Civil war that's going on, and that it's potentially another Darfur (or worse?), but we don't even give a shit about that anymore either?

No, actually, I don't find it sad at all. It's exactly as you said: There's a civil war going on. And it's not "about to happen" or "on the verge of happening", it's happening right now. Hell, it's been going on for several years. There are no prospects of our stopping it.

I accept The Onion's definition of genocide as "a civil war where only one side is fighting". That doesn't apply to Iraq. It's not like Bosnia or Kosovo or Darfur where there's a class of righteous victims barely defended by a token force. To me, there just doesn't seem like anyone worth befriending in Iraq. There's this one group of misogynist, anti-intellectual, relgious nutballs and . . . this OTHER group of misogynist, anti-intellectual, religious nutballs. It's Al-Qaeda, non-Al-Qaeda but no less brutal Sunnis, or the Mahdi Army. Who exactly am I supposed be broken up about the suffering of? How would the world be harmed by any of them no longer being in it?

Yeah, yeah, Elie Wiesel, "when they came for the trade unionists...", "all peoples have a right to exist", blah, blah, blah. Whatever. These people all seem desperate to be allowed to kill each other. Why spend one billion dollars a week to continue just barely failing to stop them from doing so?

[Ecks]

J, you paint iraq as a monolithic wall of killers, intent to a man woman and child of murdering each other. While this is certainly true of a good percent of the Iraqis we hear about the most, this is because we are specifically hearing about them BECAUSE of these views (and a certain willingness to act on them).

BTW, genocide is actually more like a civil war in which only one side is fighting, and that side is intent on the wholesale slaughter of civilians.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled bestiality-penis analysis.

[Ecks]

Worse when we imposed sanctions that cut off medical supplies and food,

Actually, er... wasn't imposing sanctions something that we liberals wanted as as an ALTERNATE to war? Diplomacy with teeth and all that...

Just checking.

[Robb]

J - I admire your pragmatism. You, and others with a similar attitude are right. Perhaps it is, as some would call, my "bleeding heart", but I'm bothered that nothing is realistically being done to end this war by the ones who started it - us. The Bush administration seems content to fixate on OJ (and Britney!Britney!Britney!Britney!)* rather than facing the fact that the war cannot be won.

What saddens me most is that the Dem-08s are just responding to the general feeling amongst Americans that we want the war over, not necessarily in any reasonably tidy fashion, we just don't want to think about it any more. "Damn", we say "that's fucked up!", but don't want to hear the voices of the people screaming that they are the ones being hurt by it, not us. George Bush will secretly regret the war because it was a dumb political move, but he won't care about the human cost. I'm just mad that Clinton/Obama/Edwards/Dodd/Richardson/etc seem to be doing & saying the same.

But who cares! OJ got arrested! Justice will finally be done!

* What's funny is, if they actually were focusing on OJ, it wouldn't be all that strange. I can certainly imagine less obtuse things being commented on by the White House.

[nieciedo]

You know, unending war wouldn't actually be all that bad if it had some beneficial economic effects -- if it was the kind of war that required continuous industrial output and continuous investment in research and development. This would mean total employment and the constant consumption of materiel on the battlefield would provide the continuous valorization of capital.

You know, like the unending wars between Oceania, Eastasia, and Eurasia.

[Ecks]

The onion being prescient about the war (see at the end):

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27905

Then, the onion breaks in on sexism:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27908

[Alia]

Who's OJ?

[Ecks]

I think he was some guy on a boat with John Kerry once.

[Jeff]

Who exactly am I supposed be broken up about the suffering of? How would the world be harmed by any of them no longer being in it?

"Johnny Stew", meet Riverbend. She's a bit busy in Syria right now, or I'm sure she'd tell you who's worth befriending.

oh, I love orange juice!

[Ursula L]

Actually, er... wasn't imposing sanctions something that we liberals wanted as as an ALTERNATE to war? Diplomacy with teeth and all that...

Just checking.

This liberal never saw the point of sanctions as "diplomacy with teeth." You never manage to actually make the power elites suffer. Only the little guys. And the anger of the little guys winds up focused at you, the people imposing the sanctions, not on their own government - it may even obscure the mismanagement of their own government. (See also, Cuba.)

[Drak Pope]

How many kids died because of those Iraq sanctions? I think it was close to a million.

But I bet each one of them was precious.

[Ecks]

The good sanctions that sometimes work are the ones imposed on the elites banning luxury goods, and preventing their kids attending universities in rich countries. There's a few banana republics who've bent to those ones. Cutting off the supplies of diaper powder and asprin... not so effective.

[Ryan Ferneau]

So OJ is a Pokeymon now?

[J]

What saddens me most is that the Dem-08s are just responding to the general feeling amongst Americans that we want the war over, not necessarily in any reasonably tidy fashion...

This war will not end in a reasonably tidy fashion no matter what we do. Friggin' figure it out, NOTHING we do will do ANYTHING. Don't tell me you're one of those naifs who think we "need to bring in the UN" (remember when UN headquarters in Iraq was bombed?) or we "need to bring in other Arab countries" (remember when the Jordanian embassy was bombed?) or we "need to bring in the European Union" (why would they want to be bombed?).

Yeah, right, because so many people would be interested in shopping at that particular shit market. Here's a challenge: Think of a "strategy" for Iraq that doesn't amount to "Do what we've been doing only, um, better" or "If only we had eggs, we could have eggs and bacon. If only we had some bacon..."

"Damn", we say "that's fucked up!", but don't want to hear the voices of the people screaming that they are the ones being hurt by it, not us.

If there were a plebiscite vote in Iraq, on any given day, on whether the Americans should stay or not, we would be voted out each day, every day, for the past five years.

We are not a marvelous treat to have around. We are not god's gift to anyone. We cannot help ourselves, so what makes you think we can help anyone else?

The Berlin Airlift was a long, long time ago.

[J]

Here's how to rescue Riverbend the tiny minority of people she represents: Offer a U.S. passport and a free plane ticket to any Iraqi who will step on a Qur'an. Religiously discriminatory? Yes, I suppose so. But it should nicely filter out the sleeper agents and net us a new class of sane-and-secular Arab-American citizens.

[J]

One last thing: there's the clear insinuation going around that I "have" to care about Iraq. I don't, because I never supported this war. I am one of those 100-percenters who never has had to pen a teary, handwringing blog post or column in Time explaining why I am sorry I was wrong but that I was wrong for such good reasons... Because I was never wrong.

So no, Iraq is not "my" problem. Iraq belongs to YOU, Republicans and Liberal Hawks. It is YOUR problem and YOUR fault. What, you think somehow the blame spreads around just because we happen to share similarly-covered passports? No. Wrong. Think again. If there were any justice, then those of us who could document our participation in pre-March 2003 anti-war rally would be able to opt out of paying war taxes.

[Ecks]

ok, if there were ever a gold plated reason to be bitter, this would be near the top of the list. So I don't hold that part against you. Heck I'm bitter, and I'm not even really American.

BUT, your "stomp on a Koran" book is pretty damn insultingly and stupid. These 'religious' wars are never really about religion, they're about tribalism and identity, power, money, land, pride, and status. I asked a guy from Northern Ireland about it, and he explained that if you announce yourself there as an atheist, people will say "yes, but are you a catholic atheist or a protestant atheist?". It's only nominally about actual religious conviction. By filtering out the profoundly religious, you wouldn't keep away combatants particularly, but you WOULD filter out lots of generous, caring, deeply thoughtful people (I doubt Hapax would stomp on a bible, and I doubt he'd ever take on terrorism either, no matter how motivated. Yet he'd be the sort you'd be banning as a potential terrorist).

Plus, on top of not working, it would directly and clearly confirm to everyone over there what the terrorists have been claiming for years - that the United States hates Islam - why else would they demand all immigrants first desecrate a holy Islamic symbol? There wouldn't be much room left to doubt that the war was anything less than the crusades redux - Christians trying to kill off the Muslims and dominate the holy land. Yeah, that'd *really* quell the terrorism down.

In short, I hear your frustration (it IS frustrating), I can see why your sense of humanity is on a short string, but IMHO, religious bigotry and disdain for those people on the getting-massacred end of the equation isn't such a hot response. Not that there's a RIGHT response here (thanks, Shrub, for putting us behind the 8 ball), but this is not the 'least-wrong-of-the-lot' ones.

[Ecks]

your "stomp on a Koran" PLAN... not book... ur... bed time.

[Jesurgislac]

J: Here's how to rescue Riverbend the tiny minority of people she represents: Offer a U.S. passport and a free plane ticket to any Iraqi who will step on a Qur'an.

I can't say for sure, but I think Riverbend and many Iraqis like her would spit in your eye at that offer, not because they're religious but because you're a screaming Islamophobe who is offering this insulting test for what the US owes Iraqis for breaking their country.

The Iraqis who gave in and did what you wanted for the sake of their children would loathe you and all Americans like you ever after: some of those children would grow up to be terrorists, from how the US had treated their parents when they needed to come to the US.

Your suggestion that the US should be hateful to Iraqis and then Iraqis who come to the US won't be terrorists is one of the most backasswards I've read in a long while.