If I ...
If I was honest I would probably be ashamed ...
"If I Can't Change Your Mind," Bob Mould
"If I Could," Jack Johnson
"If I Ever Lose My Faith in You," Sting
"If I Had a Million Dollars," Barenaked Ladies
"If I Should Fall From Grace With God," The Pogues
"If I Was Your Girlfriend," Prince
"If I Were You," Kasey Chambers
"If I'm Drowning," Over the Rhine
BONUS: "Still the Night," Bodeans (I always think of this song as "If I Could Hold You Tonight." For all you cover bands out there, by the way, this is quite fun as a medley/mashup with "The Tide Is High.")
"If I Ever Lose My Faith in You" -- Sting (three different recordings thereof)
"If I Had a Hammer" (live recording) -- Peter, Paul and Mary
Posted by: cjmr | Oct 19, 2007 at 07:41 AM
"If I Were a Painting" - Willie Nelson
Posted by: Jesurgislac | Oct 19, 2007 at 07:55 AM
"If I Can't Have You (I don't want nobody baby)," Kim Wilde
"If I Could Be There," Emmylou Harris
"If I Didn't Love You," Squeeze
"If I Ever Do See You Again," Greg Brown
"If I Ever Leave This World Alive," Flogging Molly
"If I Fell," The Beatles
"If I Give My Soul," Johnny Cash
"If I Have to Go," Tom Waits
"If I Needed Someone," The Beatles
"If I Should Fall from Grace with God," The Pogues
"If I'd Stayed Around," Barbara Dickson & Archie Fisher
"If It Be Your Will," Leonard Cohen
"If It Takes All Night," Roxy Music
"If It Wasn't for the Nights," ABBA
"If Jesus Drove a Motor Home," Jim White
"If Music Could Talk," The Clash
"If the World Should End in Fire," The Handsome Family
"If the World Should End in Ice," The Handsome Family
"If They Cheered," Lilium
"If They Move, Kill 'em," Primal Scream
"If We Ever Meet Again This Side of Heaven," Johnny Cash
"If We're Gonna Go Crazy," Thomas Truax
"If You Could Read My Mind," Gordon Lightfoot
"If You Don't Get it at Home," Greg Brown
"If You See Her, Say Hello," Bob Dylan
"If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next," Manic Street Preachers
"If You Want," Depeche Mode
"If You Were a Woman (and I was a man)," Bonnie Tyler
"If You Were Mine," Billie Holiday
"Ifwhiteamericatoldthetruthforonedayitsworldwouldfallapart," Manic Street Preachers
Posted by: GeoX | Oct 19, 2007 at 08:21 AM
Wow. Lot of action. Lot of action...
"If a Song Could Be President," Over the Rhine
"If I Could Name Any Name," Roddy Woomble
"If I Could Talk I'd Tell You,"
"If I Ever Leave this World Alive," Flogging Molly (2 versions)
"If I Had $1,000,000," Barenaked Ladies
"If it Takes You Home," Idlewild
Oh, wait. I'm out of the If I's now. Slightly less action than it looked when I just looked at the Ifs...
Posted by: Geds | Oct 19, 2007 at 08:47 AM
If I Ever Leave This World Alive - Flogging Molly
If I Fell - The Beatles (Rock-A-Bye Baby version)
If I Had $1,000,000 (twice) - Bare Naked Ladies
If I Was With A Woman - Ian Dury
If I Were A Groupie - Pizzicato Five
Posted by: wintermute | Oct 19, 2007 at 08:54 AM
Wow! A band that knows about the subjunctive!
Posted by: cjmr | Oct 19, 2007 at 09:05 AM
"If I Had Possession Over Judgement Day" - Robert Johnson
"If I Were a Carpenter" - Johnny Cash (With June Carter Cash)
Posted by: wanderingoutlaw | Oct 19, 2007 at 09:23 AM
Wow! A band that knows about the subjunctive!
Reminds me of Molly Ivins' description of Robin Dorsey & The Matadors as the only country and western band to ever correctly use the subjunctive mood (in their classic "I Wish I Were In Dixie, But She's Out Of Town").
Posted by: cminus | Oct 19, 2007 at 09:29 AM
Since we skipped past I - Ie,
"Icicles in my Meatloaf" by Lil Ed and the Blues Imperials, a band BEST heard live. Be forewarned, Lil Ed is not for the faint of heart or weak of back, hip, knee or ankle. You will be dancing all night, and only the strongest can keep up with the beat.
"I Wanna See You Bellydance" by the Red Elvises. Ukranian surf rock (wrap your mind around THAT image!) Also a band best heard live in concert, if only for the Feiliniesque stage production.
Posted by: mmack | Oct 19, 2007 at 09:47 AM
"I am the One" Rancid
"Ivory Coast" Rancid
"I want it all" The Transplants
"I got no" Operation Ivy
"I wasn't born to follow" Social Distortion
"I'm being watched by the CIA" Antiflag and one hell of a fun song
"I don't believe" Antiflag
"Infected" Bad Religion
"I against I" Bad Brains
"I and I survive" Bad Brains
"I turned into a martian" The Misfits
"In it for life" The Casualties
"I won't have it" Pennywise
"It's up to you" Pennywise
"In the name of God" Slayer
"Invisible Kid" Metallica--I always try to work a Metallica song in when I post for this, but, seriously, this album, St. Anger, is all but unlistenable to. The best you can say about Invisible Kid is that it's marginally better than the rest of the record.
Love. Peace. Metallica.
Posted by: KnightHawk | Oct 19, 2007 at 09:52 AM
As always, leaving out what Fred already has.
"If I," Montauk P
"If I Can't Be A Champion," Q-Unit
"If I Can't Have You," Ruth Ruth
"If I Could (What I Would Do)," Vanessa Daou
"If I Fell," The Beatles
"If I Needed Someone," The Beatles
"If I Wasn't Drunk," Pat McCurdy
"If I Wasn't Shy," They Might Be Giants
"If I Were A Carpenter," Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash
"(If I Were A) Gambling Man," Pat McCurdy
"If I Were You," The Urge
Most recommended: This is kind of a tough call. I'm tempted to recommend "(If I Were A) Gambling Man," but this is the title given to the song on the authorized bootleg Home For The Holidays, which has disappointing sound quality. When the song made it to a studio album (My World Of Love), with much better mixing, it was simply titled "Gambling Man." Failing that, I guess I'd recommend "If I Were A Carpenter," followed by "If I Could (What I Would Do)" and "If I Needed Someone."
Posted by: cminus | Oct 19, 2007 at 09:52 AM
"If I ever leaver this world alive" Flogging Molly"
THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT wintermute! Rock on!
*throws up the horns, and does an irish jig*
Love. Peace. Metallica.
Posted by: | Oct 19, 2007 at 09:55 AM
So is "If I Were A Carpenter" about the hammer-and-nails kind or the singing kind?
Posted by: cjmr | Oct 19, 2007 at 10:04 AM
I'm think it's the one that goes:
If I were a carpenter
And you were a lady
Would you marry me anyway
Would you have my baby?
But I could be wrong.
Posted by: Pseudowolf | Oct 19, 2007 at 10:19 AM
BONUS: "Still the Night," Bodeans (I always think of this song as "If I Could Hold You Tonight." For all you cover bands out there, by the way, this is quite fun as a medley/mashup with "The Tide Is High.")
Fred,
I was once brought up on stage in a bar for an impromptu duet by an acoustic guitarist playing Still the Night because I was the only one who was singing along to the song. I was told I did a pretty good duet to boot.
Posted by: mmack | Oct 19, 2007 at 10:39 AM
One extra:
I'm the Man Who Murdered Love - XTC.
I'm the man who murdered love Yeah, what do you think to that?
Posted by: mmack | Oct 19, 2007 at 10:40 AM
Slightly less action than it looked when I just looked at the Ifs...
This is so totally the story of my life.
Posted by: hapax | Oct 19, 2007 at 10:45 AM
I have to bend the rules slightly here, but it's highly worth it...
"If You're Into It," Flight of the Conchords
Posted by: aarun | Oct 19, 2007 at 11:27 AM
A pretty sparse list:
If - Joe Satriani
If I Could Fly - Joe Satriani
If I Don't Wake Up - Suicidal Tendencies
Posted by: Jon | Oct 19, 2007 at 11:51 AM
"If I Give My Soul" Johnny Cash
"If I Had My Way I'd Tear The Building Down" Blind Willie Johnson
"If I Had Possession Over Judgment Day" Robert Johnson
"If I Have to Go" Tom Waits
"If I Were a Carpenter" Johnny Cash
"If Love Was a Train" Michelle Shocked
"If We Never Meet Again This Side of Heaven" Johnny Cash
"If Wishes Were Horses" Zoe Speaks
"If Women Ruled the World" Joan Armatrading
"If You Could Read My Mind" Johnny Cash
"If You Knew" Neko Case
"If You Were the Woman and I Was the Man" Cowboy Junkies with John Prine, proving that you can both follow and violate the subjunctive rule in one song title. I guess the stereotype is true: women have better grammar.
Posted by: rm | Oct 19, 2007 at 12:02 PM
One more:
If I Had a Rocket Launcher - Bruce Cockburn
Posted by: 12xu | Oct 19, 2007 at 12:06 PM
If-Red Hot Chile Peppers,
If you want me to stay-Red Hot Chile Peppers
If I ever lose my Faith in you-Sting
(If you love somebody) set the free-Sting
If you don't, don't-Jimmy Eat World
Posted by: Greg | Oct 19, 2007 at 12:21 PM
Only 18, this time, and only three I particularly like:
"If I Can't Be a Champion," Q-Unit (mashup of 50-Cent and Queen)
"If I Should Fall Behind," Cindy Bullens (covering Bruce Springsteen, and wow do I love this song)
"If I Were," Wally Pleasant
Posted by: | Oct 19, 2007 at 12:21 PM
We threw our arms around the bastard sons,
We never would drink to the chosen ones
Well, you know the way I went is not the way I planned,
But I thought the world needed love and a steady hand,
So I'm steady now.
And I'm so happy,
I had to tell you
And I love you,
And you will not write me again...
- Dar Williams, "If I Wrote You"
Posted by: Caroline | Oct 19, 2007 at 12:29 PM
If I Could Live Forever -- Magnum
If I Had a Rocket Launcher -- Bruce Cockborn
If I Laugh -- Cat Stevens
If I Were a Carpenter -- Bobby Darin
If It Is To Be, It Is Up To Me -- Chumbawamba
If It Wasn't For The Night -- ABBA
If Love Was a Train -- Michelle Shocked
If Not Now -- Tracy Chapman
If You Can't Be Good -- Oysterband
If You Could Read My Mind -- Gordon Lightfoot
If You Don't Like Rock'n'roll -- Rainbow
Posted by: inge | Oct 19, 2007 at 12:49 PM
"If I can't change your mind" - Sugar (not Bob Mould solo, pace Fred's list)
So my songs that haven't been posted yet:
"If I had You" - Art Blakey & the Jazz Messengers.
"If I told you" - Husker Du. From the essential "New Day Rising" album. Week after week I am forced to come here to post Husker songs because no one else has. Come on people.
"If I Was A Dancer [Dance, Pt. 2]" - Rolling Stones. A "rarity" from Sucking in the Seventies. Nothing special really.
"If I was a Mekon" - Too Much Joy. Most of the members of Too Much Joy have an Ivy League educations, yet they haven't mastered the subjunctive either.
Bonus:
"If It feels good do it" - Sloan. Like Husker, Sloan seems like a natural in this group, yet they are always overlooked. But this song might be a little too "Kiss" influenced, I don't know who the typical Sloan fan is but I'm guessing this isn't their favorite song.
Posted by: vanya | Oct 19, 2007 at 01:16 PM
re: Pizzicato Five ... Of course they understand the use of the subjunctive. They're J-Pop; English isn't their first language. I never know what the subjunctive was or how to use it in English until I started studying Spanish.
(For the longest time, I thought the song was saying, "If I were a cookie, if I were a Yugo." I thought, hey, what a neat metaphor! Then my husband had to explain that no, the singer was not philosophically exploring the implications of being edible or drivable.)
re: "If I Had A Rocket Launcher" ... heard that one while in rush hour traffic once. So very appropriate. Just the day before, in fact, my husband had been saying how traffic like that made him wish he had a rocket launcher. I told him, "But the flaming wreckage would back up traffic even more." He said, "OK, so I'd need a disintegration ray."
Posted by: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little | Oct 19, 2007 at 01:29 PM
"If I loved you
Time and again I would try to say
All I'd want you to know...
"If I loved you
Words wouldn't come in an easy way
Round in circles I'd go..."
& etc.
Posted by: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little | Oct 19, 2007 at 01:32 PM
"If I Needed You" - Townes Van Zandt (also covered by Lyle Lovett)
One of Townes' very best songs.
"If I Could Start Today Again" - Paul Kelly (Australian signer songwriter who has worked with Kasey Chambers in the past)
Posted by: balt | Oct 19, 2007 at 03:11 PM
A long list, even with the strict "If I", so playing it pretty strict this week. Not weeding out previous mentions though, because if I do that I can't list my favorite of the picks.
"If I Could Have You Back", Aly & AJ -- embarassing teen pop; it sounded better on Fresh Air than it is
"If I Could Only Stay Asleep", Patsy Cline
"If I Could See the World Through the Eyes of a Child", Patsy Cline
"If I Don't Get a C", Tom Lehrer
"If I Ever Lose My Faith in You", Sting
"If I Fell", The Beatles
"If I Give My Soul", Johnny Cash
"If I Had $1000000", Barenaked Ladies
"If I Had Possession Over Judgement Day", The White Stripes
"If I Had a Hammer", Leonard Nimoy -- from a terribly delightful CD called "Golden Throats"
"If I Had", Eminem
"If I Knew", Joan Baez
"If I Needed Someone", Show of Hands
"If I Needed Someone", The Beatles
"If I Ruled the World", Christine Lavin
"If I Wanted To", Melissa Etheridge
"If I Was Young", The Raveonettes
"If I Was Your Man", Joan Osborne
"If I Wasn't Shy", They Might Be Giants
"If I Were a Carpenter", Joan Baez
"If I Were a Carpenter", Johnny Cash -- I love this song. Love it love it love it.
"If I talk this loud, can you hear me?", Sound Effects
Posted by: Todd Larason | Oct 19, 2007 at 04:14 PM
"If I Don't Get a C", Tom Lehrer
Wait. What? Someone's got a Tom Lehrer song we don't have.
Posted by: cjmr | Oct 19, 2007 at 04:17 PM
I'm counting "El Condor Pasa (If I Could)"
Posted by: Dennis | Oct 19, 2007 at 05:55 PM
cjmr, that's from a bootleg recording called "The Physical Revue", which according to my notes was recorded January 13 & 22nd, 1951 in Jefferson Laboratory and May 26, 1952 in Allston Burr, both on Harvard campus, recorded on a reel-to-reel tape by Professor Paul Horowitz, and then digitized by a 3rd party I think I'll not name here.
The track lineup is:
2544 01.I Can't Think Why.mp3
4760 02.If I Don't Get a C.mp3
3856 03.Relativity.mp3
2708 04.The Derivative Song.mp3
3324 05.Math, Physics, Chemistry.mp3
3720 06.Slide Rule.mp3
4000 07.GSAS Song.mp3
1212 08.Yale Fight Song (bow wow!).mp3
2592 09.The Subway Song.mp3
4728 10.Don't Ever Major in Physics.mp3
2304 11.A Liter and a Gram.mp3
4732 12.The Cliffie Bitch Song.mp3
3316 13.Are There Any Questions?.mp3
1644 14.Finale (That's All, Class).mp3
Posted by: Todd Larason | Oct 19, 2007 at 06:50 PM
Hmmm... well, let's see what the "Too Old to Really Enjoy Music" collection has for tonight:
"If I Didn't Know Any Better" - Allison Krauss and Union Station
"If I Don't Be There By Moring" - Eric Clapton
"If I Had Posseson Over Judgement Day" - Eric Clapton
Guess that's all the originals we have tonight.
Posted by: wb | Oct 19, 2007 at 07:18 PM
People here have already picked all the songs I would have. I really liked "If I Was the Woman and You Were the Man" with the duet by Margo and John Prine. On the other hand, such songs as Roger Whittakers "I Don't Believe in If Anymore" perhaps don't belong here. And why no one picked "If I Were a Rich Man"?
Posted by: hypochrismutreefuzz | Oct 19, 2007 at 07:58 PM
that's from a bootleg recording called "The Physical Revue"
*wonders where one obtains copies of this bootleg recording*
*further wonders if above Paul Horowitz is the same Paul Horowitz that's the father of my ex-boyfriend Todd Horowitz*
*nah. probably not, it's a common enough name. probably about the right age, though*
Posted by: cjmr | Oct 19, 2007 at 08:05 PM
And why no one picked "If I Were a Rich Man"?
Probably because I don't have the soundtrack for Fiddler on the Roof in iTunes.
*wanders off to correct this oversight*
Posted by: cjmr | Oct 19, 2007 at 08:06 PM
*wonders where one obtains copies of this bootleg recording*
oh! Here at Slacktivist, that link on my name isn't to my email address, which I'd thought it was, which I'd thought might have been useful for purely hypothetical reasons.
Many people have gmail addresses like firstname.lastname@gmail.com. Just sayin'.
(but don't get your hopes up TOO high. These are very early recordings, and their quality isn't up to the standard we're used to from Tom Lehrer in several different ways.)
Posted by: Todd Larason | Oct 19, 2007 at 08:25 PM
Oh, man, this one's hard for me.
"If I Should Fall Behind" used to be a great song, and, in many/most ways, it still is, but my not-yet-but-soon-to-be-ex-husband made it a break-up song. Which sucks, on so many, many levels.
Posted by: Narya | Oct 19, 2007 at 09:54 PM
If I Could Do - Starling
If I Fall - Tara MacLean
If I Had a Million Dollars - Barenaked Ladies
Nothing particularly special this time around, I'm afraid.
Posted by: borealys | Oct 19, 2007 at 11:50 PM
"If Ever I Would Leave You," Robert Goulet
"If He's Ever Near," Linda Ronstadt
"If I Can Dream," Elvis Presley
"If I Fell," The Beatles
"If I Loved You," Barbra Streisand
"If I Needed Someone," The Beatles
"If I Should Fall Behind," Linda Ronstadt
"If I Were a Rich Man," Zero Mostel
"If I Were Alone," We Five
Posted by: Linkmeister | Oct 20, 2007 at 02:54 AM
I got no 'ifs'. Just wanted to say that was one of the most pleasant playlists I;ve heard in a long long time. Thanks, Fred.
Posted by: Kevin Hayden | Oct 20, 2007 at 06:49 AM
"If I Had a Gun", The Dead Milkmen
Posted by: Sinister Duck | Oct 20, 2007 at 06:58 AM
The If'n Song, from Bewitched.
Posted by: dangermouse | Oct 20, 2007 at 03:12 PM
"If I Left You", Kelly Willis
Posted by: Nic | Oct 20, 2007 at 05:15 PM
Re: Tom Lehrer
My dad once told me that when Lehrer would give performances at the Harvard Club in our city (I guess he traveled around to them) he would do a lot of dirty songs you would never hear on albums. So, Todd, I have to wonder, what are those songs like?
Posted by: rm | Oct 20, 2007 at 10:35 PM