L.B.: Buck & Hattie & Ray & Chloe

Left Behind, pp. 361-364

Toward the end of Chapter 19, we were treated to the thrilling spectacle of Buck Williams leaving a message for Hattie Durham at the Pan-Con Club (Wilkommen!). Chapter 20 begins with the equally exciting account of that message being received at the other end.

Here's the opening lines of Chapter 20 as they appear in the book:

Rayford and Chloe Steele waited until 1:30 in the afternoon, then decided to head for their hotel. On their way out of the Pan-Con Club, Rayford stopped to leave a message for Hattie, in case she came in. "We just got another message for her," the girl at the counter said. "A secretary for a Cameron Williams said Mr. Williams would catch up with her here if she would call him when she got in."

"When did that message come?" Rayford asked.

"Just after one."

"Maybe we'll wait a few more minutes."

Rayford and Chloe were sitting near the entrance when Hattie rushed in. ...

And here is how the opening of Chapter 20 would have read had this book been even hastily edited:

Rayford and Chloe were sitting near the entrance to the Pan-Con Club when Hattie rushed in. ...

This illustrates one of the reasons why Left Behind: The Movie is so much better than the book.* Don't misunderstand -- the movie is not good, it's just less horrible than the novel, partly because it's not as long. Movies are produced on a budget, and that financial economy requires a corresponding dramatic economy that the novelist is not compelled to respect.

Here on the page, Jerry Jenkins storyboards a scene for us: Buck gets out of a cab, walks across the sidewalk and into the building, through the lobby, into the elevator, down the hall, through the newsroom, and into Stanton Bailey's office. So let's see, that's about seven sets that need to be built and decorated, and a couple of dozen extras that need to be hired. A movie budget wouldn't allow that, so in the film you just start the scene right there in Bailey's office instead of wasting all that money and the audience's time. A movie budget also wouldn't allow you to hire a cast of thousands to play parts like Pan-Con Counter Girl No. 2 -- parts that offer nothing of value to actor or audience.

Rayford and Hattie were sitting near the entrance when Hattie rushed in. Rayford smiled at her, but she immediately seemed to slow, as if she had just happened to run into them. "Oh, hi," she said, showing her identification at the counter and taking her message. Rayford let her play her game. He deserved it.

So Rayford assumes Hattie was in a breathless rush because she was so eager to see him. Readers know different. We know she's in a hurry because she's running late thanks to Buck leaving her in a curbside cab for half an hour. Rayford's misinterpretation of this could have been an interesting bit of character development -- a reminder that the born-again Rayford did not instantaneously become a saint, that overcoming his vanity and his preening narcissism will be a struggle and a process.

But that's not what the authors are doing here -- they seem to share Rayford's take on this scene, portraying it as reliable. They share his impression of Hattie as a silly girl -- a girl, and therefore by definition silly -- who shouldn't be taken seriously. They have her babble for a bit about meeting Nicolae ("Did you know he's going to be named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive?") and how busy and important Buck Williams is, while Rayford responds with smirking condescension. "You don't say," he says. "Quite a morning for you, wasn't it?"

Chloe, meanwhile, just stands there. You'd think she'd have something to say, since meeting one's father's pseudo-mistress for the first time, I would imagine, would be a significant event. But at least this way we can imagine that Rayford's mortifying behavior has rendered her speechless and thus, for at least a little while longer, we can continue to like her as a character.

Buck is already at the airport, making his way to the Pan-Con Club, but since he's not quite there yet the authors still have time to squeeze in one more phone call. It's the Pan-Con trifecta: Buck leaves the message, Hattie receives it, and then she returns his call. If there were a Cliff Notes summary of Left Behind it wouldn't need to include a plot summary, just the LUDs from Buck's and Rayford's phones.

Chapter 20 presents a structural challenge for the authors. They have, so far, capably alternated between the points of view of their dual protagonists -- Rayford scene, Buck scene, Rayford scene, Buck scene, etc. They indicate these changes of scene and perspective with the serviceable visual cue of a chunk of white space and a horizontal line.

The tricky thing here is that our heroes come together for the first time, meeting and shaking hands. That's both a Rayford scene and a Buck scene, and readers will need to see it from both characters' points of view. Jenkins gamely sticks with the alternating POV approach, but the result is a chapter in which we get one of these

 

 

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on every page. Here for example, Rayford and Hattie are talking:

"And how is Mr. Williams?"

"Very nice, but very busy. I'd better call him. Excuse me."

 

 

------------------------------

Buck was on an escalator inside the terminal when his phone rang. "Well, hello yourself," Hattie said.

"I am so sorry, Miss Durham."

"Oh, please," she said. "Anybody who leaves me in midtown Manhattan in an expensive cab can call me by my first name. I insist."

"And I insist on paying for that cab."

Points for Buck for apologizing and offering to pay for the cab. In contrast with Rayford, he almost seems like a stand-up guy. Points for Hattie, too, for this:

"You're a nice guy, but it's obvious we're not kindred spirits. Thanks for seeing me and especially for introducing me to Mr. Carpathia."

Over the 363 pages we've read so far, I've come to think of Hattie as two different entities. There's Hattie the author's puppet, misused and mistreated by them and by their arrogant Mary Sue surrogates. But there's also Hattie the person -- the character struggling against the puppet strings, trying to assert a bit of dignity and humanity.

This second Hattie is an accident, an unintended presence in the story. I find this presence reassuring. Jenkins is a careless hack and he seems to have put more effort into preventing the character of Hattie from coming to life than into making her seem human. And yet there she is. When a piece of fiction or drama works, the characters seem to take on a life of their own. Action begets character which in turn begets action, and dialogue seems to write itself. Yet even here, in this impossible story in which characters are forced to behave arbitrarily in the service of an incoherent, external plot imposed on them from above, even here there are signs of life. If the authors neglect, or obstruct, the act of creation, the readers will supply it, almost involuntarily. Story puts flesh on bones, even in a bad story.

Buck asks Hattie, again, if she'll introduce him to Rayford when he arrives. She plays along with the idea that they hadn't already agreed to this and turns back to ask Rayford if he'd agree to meet the reporter.

 

 

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So Hattie's cupping her hand over the receiver to put Buck on hold is actually a scene change. We're back in Rayford's point of view which means, of course, that we'll be treated to more of his inappropriate musings:

Rayford was wondering if Hattie had a date with Buck Williams that evening. The right thing to do would be to invite her to dinner at his and Chloe's hotel. Now she was waving him over to the pay phone.

"The right thing to do."

Now you know. If you're ever trying to simultaneously brush-off and proselytize your pseudo-mistress and you find she's moving on with her life and dating other men, then the right thing to do would be to invite her to dinner. At your hotel. With your daughter.

"Rayford, Buck Williams wants to meet you. He's doing a story and wants to interview you. ... I suppose about flying or the disappearances. ..."

"Tell him sure, I'll see him. In fact, why don't you ask him to join the three of us for dinner tonight, if you're free." Hattie stared at Rayford as if she had been tricked into something. "Come on, Hattie. You and I will talk this afternoon, then we'll all get together for dinner at six at the Carlisle."

She turned back to the phone and told Buck. "Where are you now?" she asked. She paused. "You're not!" Hattie peeked around the corner, laughed and waved. Covering the mouthpiece, she turned to Rayford. "That's him right there on the portable phone!"

"Well, why don't you both hang up and you can make the introductions," Rayford said.

I'll give credit where it's due -- Jenkins handles the POV almost elegantly there, switching to the one-sided phone conversation as Rayford would hear it. The larger structural difficulty -- choosing whose perspective to portray for a conversation between the two protagonists -- is also handily postponed. Almost as soon as they meet, Buck and Rayford part ways. The lovestruck Buck Williams wanders off with Chloe to do their best impression of Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy in Before Sunrise (with the terminal at JFK substituting for Vienna), and Rayford takes Hattie aside to present the strange psychospiritual speech he's been rehearsing in his head for days.

Those scenes are every bit as wincingly uncomfortable as they sound, so be warned: Next week's installment of LB Friday may be unpleasant.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

* Since I've mentioned the movie, and since we've got just five chapters left in the first volume of the series, this seems like a good point to mention my plans for the future of LB Fridays. After Book 1, I thought we'd deal with the movie for at least a few weeks as a kind of palate-cleanser -- a slice of Velveeta before we begin sampling from the swill of Book 2, Tribulation Force. There may also be a slight hiatus in there somewhere while we take Left Behind! The Musical! on tour. (No, not really. Probably not really.)

Comments

[bulbul]

while we take Left Behind! The Musical! on tour
I hereby volunteer to write the lyrics for Nicky Tatra's opening number "It's a big world". "Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Andorra....".

Is it just me or is the only appropriate tune here "I am the very model of a modern major general"?

[Mouse]

So next week's going to be the scene with the most cringe inducing flirting ever? With "Little girl" Chloe and "Old man" Buck? That scene would kill anyone's libido in mere seconds.

[A Texan in Bavaria]

Nameless commenter at 4:05pm: We should all get together and collaborate on a goofy round-robin satire of the series. Who wants to write the first post?

That's what's going on at http://exharpazo.blogspot.com/

Actually, it's more of a rewrite of LB with Real People. But I'm sure they're open to satire.

[mmack]

A Texan from Bavaria,

Based on Fred's post, how about a tender yet angsty "lost" love song between Hattie and Buck?

(To the tune of You Don't Bring Me Flowers)

Hattie

You won't pay my cab fare,
You won't buy me dinner

Buck

You hardly talk to me anymore,
When I call you on the phone from Global Weekly

Hattie

I remember when you couldn't wait to call me
Used to hate to hang up
Now after calling me late at night. . .

Buck

When I reach you Hattie,
And you pick up the phone . . .

Hattie

I just hang up and turn out the light,
And you won't pay my cab fare, anymore . . .

Okay, it's a rough draft, but it does have potential, does it not?

[Bugmaster]

And you resisted the temptation to spend 900 gp on a Hand of the Mage?

No, I kept very quiet, because the GM let me make an apparent Kalashtar Psion who was really an Inspired.

Incidentally, cool thing about Mage Hand: since it only works on nonmagical items, it doubles as a Detect Magic spell that can't be fooled by Magic Aura or Undetectable Aura.

Ssshhh... You don't want this information falling into the wrong hands...

[ajesquire]

"The portable phone"?!? Portable?!? That sounds like some new-fangling fancy schmancy gizmo them high-fallutin' New Yorkers use!

Let me just jot down a note about that in my Trapper Keeper.

[A Texan in Bavaria]

mmack: I think it could work. Actually, why not an angsty lost-love song between Hattie and Raymond, and then a reprise of it later between Hattie and Buck?

[A Texan in Bavaria]

... and by "Raymond", I mean "Rayford".

[mcc]

"You don't say," he says. "Quite a morning for you, wasn't it?"

Well, yes, it seems like meeting the soon-to-be ruler of earth and People's Sexiest Man Alive would be a pretty big deal. A bigger deal than lunch with an airline pilot who you've seen almost every day for the last few years, at least?

We should all get together and collaborate on a goofy round-robin satire of the series. Who wants to write the first post?

I don't know if this is a joke, but should I take this comment to mean you haven't seen Right Behind?

[Dan]

Did anybody else notice the huge gaffe in the opening sequence? Rayford goes to the counter to leave a message for Hattie, and the minimum-wage girl there breaks every confidentiality rule in telling Rayford that Hattie already had other messages. Not only does she tell him about the messages, she gives him the content OF the messages. I guess, perhaps, just maybe she was hired and thrown in there at the last second to replace somebody who had recently vanished, but did she get no training at all? Has she no sense of professional protocol? Oh, yeah. She's just one more puppet in the hands of the schock-master.

[Ken]

I once sat through five whole minutes of Cleopatra 2525 and lived to tell the tale. I fear nothing. -- Boze

I've sat through (at various times, without benefit of drugs):
1) Terrorvision
2) Ridley Scott's Legend
3) Troma's Nympho Barbarians in Dinosaur Hell
4) Hell Comes to Frogtown
5) Project A-Ko (shuju anime)
6) 2001: A Space Odyssey
7) And a couple "Important Message" avant-garde productions.

[Edo]

(to the theme of "At The End of the Day")

At the end of the world Tim LaHaye will be leering
Up in Heaven above as he watches and gloats
In the twinkling of an eye
All the world's attention is captured
As the sheep are forever divided from the goats
And the righteous are Raptured...

[Hibryd]

Rayford goes to the counter to leave a message for Hattie, and the minimum-wage girl there breaks every confidentiality rule in telling Rayford that Hattie already had other messages.

There's perks involved in being a Mary Sue character. Everyone likes you and gives you whatever you want or need at the moment. Plus, when a billion children vanish off the face of the earth, the greatest journalist in the world thinks *you* have a theory worth listening to, and will interview you instead of talking to a scientist.

[Ken]

IA! IA! CARPATHIA FTHAGN!

[mmack]

How about an establishing song for Buck?

(To the tune of Dirty Laundry)

Buck

I make my living at a magazine
Love to see Carpathia primp and preen
People love to read my stories,
They love Bucky's stories

I'm the world's greatest writer, why's not clear
I never file any stories, when I'm back here
My boss gave me a raise this year
He loves Bucky's stories

Callin' on the phone
Flyin' everywhere
Callin' on the phone
Flyin' everywhere
Callin' on the phone
Flyin' everywhere
Callin' on the phone
Flyin' everywhere

I lust for a stewardess, her name is Hattie,
Her hot looks about drive me batty
I call her all the time from the road
She loves Bucky's stories

Can I interview Carpathia?
Is he the Beast just yet?
You know my editor made a smooth move
My story is front page news!
He loves Bucky's stories

I never really found out what's going on
I stopped before I found out how far Nicky's gone
Just leave well enough alone
And read Bucky's story

Again, it needs work, but I think we have something . . .

[Jerry Jenkins]

Okay, okay. So it's not the best-written novel ever. You could cut me some slack - I was in a rush. And it was difficult trying to fit everything Tim wanted me to include. And, well, it was so long ago!

How long are you going to torment me with these well-written deconstructions of those damn books?

[Joolya]

I keep getting this Pirandello-esque visions of the LB characters struggling, writhing against the forces of these authors. Except, in contrast to Luigi's Six Characters begging the author to be born, the souls of Hattie et al. are trying to wriggle the hell out of this purgatory of a book, back into the pure recesses of imagination where they can lead more fruitful and realistic lives, in which they shun air travel and telecommunications, and possibly even get laid once in a while.

[Edo]

Well, we've still got twelve sequels, three prequels and a kid's series to go.

Granted, we'll need to have Fred Embraced before we're done, of course. I'll get the Lancea Sanctum on it.

[JamesK]

Nicky's big number will have to start off with a song in the style of "We Both Reached For The Gun" from Chicago.

"What just happened?"

"Radiation."

"And the children?"

"Disintegration."

"And all the rest?"

"Their brains were like a kid's you see/they weren't that bright like you and me."

Then segueing into Nicky doing a Yakko on the countries while the reporters sing his praises over it. I'm not sure how it would go, but it'd probably end with something like:

Reporters: "We'll follow him-

(overlapping)
Nicky: Zim-bab-weeeeeee
Reporters: All the waaaaaaaaaay!

(secretaries do cartwheels up the aisles, reporters summersault over each other, balloons drop, confetti falls, and a flash of red light falls on Nicky for a split second as the curtain falls. In the silence, a dozen phones begin to ring, signaling intermission.

[jamoche]

back into the pure recesses of imagination where they can lead more fruitful and realistic lives

It was one of the less popular jobs in Jurisfiction to track down the escapees from the Left Behind series of books.

The trouble was that the books were meant to be stocked, top to bottom, with low-grade Generics, there just to make the main characters - full-fledged Marty Sues - look good, but something about the environment prompted them to turn into A-grades - and of course as soon as they gained enough awareness to realise just where they were, the first thing they wanted was out.

It had got to the point that even newly-minted D-10s knew exactly what they were in for and had to be dragged kicking and screaming into the pages. They'd gone through a couple of dozen Chloes already, and had only managed to get volunteers for Hattie by promising to kill her off midway through the series.

[Vermic]

Chapter 20 presents a structural challenge for the authors.

I suspect that assembling a grocery list presents a structural challenge for the authors.

[Lee Ratner]

Fred, how do you keep your sanity reading this drivel?

[stinger]

So if you're Hattie, you have to show identification to get your messages from the desk clerk, but if you're Captain Ray-Ban the clerk will announce HER messages to you just for the asking?

"You do realise it will be your grandchildren who will finish Left Behind Fridays if you want to go through all the books at this speed?"

Are we in a hurry?

And, btw, Fred, I love your titles! "Buck & Hattie & Ray & Chloe" -- I'm still chuckling over "An Inconvenient Sooth".

[stinger]

Oops - read some more comments and saw Dan beat me to the comment on the desk clerk and the messages -- sorry!

[Joolya]

I propose this scene be set to Sondheim - a la "A Weekend in the Country" from A Little Night Music to be exact. Perfect for multiple concurrent scenes and counterpoint singing.

ALL: An evening at the Pan-Con
HATTIE: We should try it
BUCK: Now I'll never go home!
ALL: An evening at the Pan-Con
RAYFORD: Pros'letyzing!
HATTIE: On the phone!
ALL: An evening at the Pan Con
CHLOE: Peace and quiet, midst the wreckage we flirt
ALL: An evening at the Pan Con
RAYFORD: Yes! My darling, you'll have to convert!

[Chad Larson]

I once sat through five whole minutes of Cleopatra 2525 and lived to tell the tale. I fear nothing.

Yeah, well I've seen every episode of Jack of All Trades and still respect Bruce Campbell as a human being and (kinda) actor...

Luxury. I've sat through all of The Star Wars Christmas Special, the live-action Justice League pilot with David Ogden Stiers, and the non-MST3K cut of Manos: The Hands of Fate.

...Sweet Jesus.

[cjmr]

Nicklaus Alpen, Stonagal and others: "Plot Plot Plot, Scheme Scheme Scheme, Manipulate Manipulate" (perhaps an homage to some of the fantastic men's company numbers of "Guys and Dolls")

This one is starting to try to write itself in my head. Maybe by morning I'll have something.

-----
Ecks, you should pull the songs mmack did over to Right Behind.

[Chrissl]

@Edo: you found something that rhymes with "goats"? I'm impressed!

(Yes, it really IS Friday.)

[Johnny Pez]

Who can take the U.N.
All askew and bent
And magic'ly transform it to a One World Government?

The Anti-Christ
Oh, the Anti-Christ can
The Anti-Christ can
Cos he zaps it with his mind
And makes the world his toy

Who can take a GIRAT
Spend a little time
And talk him into helping cover up his latest crime?

The Anti-Christ
Oh, the Anti-Christ can
The Anti-Christ can
Cos he zaps him with his mind
And makes ol' Buck his boy

The Anti-Christ makes
Every move he makes
Absolutely unsuspicious
Even though he's mean and vicious
And a little repetitious

Who can take Miss Durham
Use her as his pawn
Just to make her over as the Whore of Babylon?

The Anti-Christ
Oh, the Anti-Christ can
The Anti-Christ can
Cos he zaps her with his mind
And makes the girl his toy

Yes, the Anti-Christ can
Cos he zaps her with his mind
And makes the girl his toy

[Johnny Pez]

Btw, has a consensus emerged here on what time of day it was when the Event occurred? I may have to revise my first Right Behind post.

[Robert]

There ain't no party like a Left Behind Friday party because the Left Behind Friday party won't stop!

FANTASTIC news Fred! Thanks so much for keeping up the deconstruction. Between the deconstruction of terrible writing, worse theology and the non-stop snark, LBF is one of my favorite treats on the Wide Wide World Of Web.

[Jeff]

I've seen every episode of Jack of All Trades

All three? Seriously, did it go any longer?

getting goatse in your email unpleasant

More like getting goatse'ed on ourselves, I ween.

==============================================

From "Ms Otis Regrets"

Mr Williams regrests he's unable to file today
Mr Williams regrests he's unable to file today, Readers
But last week he was afield
And agog at the UN
And his phone he could not yield
With all the excitement ensuin', Readers
He could not be bothered to file a story today

Mr Williams regrests he's unable to file today
Mr Williams regrests he's unable to file today, Readers
But last night he watched
The trip and fall guys die
So fascinating
He didn't even change his tie, Readers
How could he be bothered to file a story today?

[cjmr]

The Anti-Christ
Oh, the Anti-Christ can
The Anti-Christ can
Cos he zaps it with his mind
And makes the world his toy

This is wonderful! Someone should record this.

[Geds]

Me: I've seen every episode of Jack of All Trades

Jeff: All three? Seriously, did it go any longer?

Try a season and a half...

Johnny Pez: You, sir, are a musical redaction genius. I tip my hat.

[hapax]

Johnny Pez, you rock my world. It's the rhyming of "pawn" with "Whore of Babylon" that did it for me.

[Johnny Pez]

And agog at the UN

So to speak.

(Ahem, just a little End Times humor . . . )

[Johnny Pez]

Johnny Pez, you rock my world.

Flattery will get you nowhere. But keep talking.

[Tonio]

I might have wondered if "Viv Ivins" was intended as a slam at Molly Ivins, who once wrote that "fundamentalists aren't evil, they're scared."

When I read the great song ideas suggested here, I think of "Spamalot" and speculate that a serious attempt to do a PMD musical would be indistinguishable from a parody.

On a related topic, has any author written a really good parody of LB and the PMD mindset? I enjoyed "Good Omens" but it had little to do with PMD.

[Technocracygirl]

Jamoche, you win the internets. Jasper Fforde could have written that.

But Johnny Pez, you get the Insta-Pegasus. That's just...beautiful.

[Boze]

"It was one of the less popular jobs in Jurisfiction to track down the escapees from the Left Behind series of books."

Yay for Thursday Next! Literature as it should have been...

[Jim Lund]

How can this book almost be over? *Nothing* has happened!!!

[Conscience]

The musical should defintely have audience particpation:
"Hattie..." "SLUT!"
"Raymond..." "ASSHOLE!"

[Geds]

I enjoyed "Good Omens" but it had little to do with PMD.

Good Omens was pre-LB, anyway. They were just messing with the mindset but didn't have a mainstream novel-type thing yet. (Hal Lindsay and whatnot not withstanding, since nothing in the PMD past was anywhere close to the size of LB.)

How can this book almost be over? *Nothing* has happened!!!

I was reading Michael Standaert's Skipping Towards Armageddon and found out that they don't get around to the part where Nicky Cascade deals with the two prophet guys until book five, thus indicating that nothing will really ever happen...

[Edo]

"You found something that rhymes with "goats"? I'm impressed."

*tips hat*

At the end of the world Jerry Jenkins is cheering
From his place at the foot of the Throne upon high
For the seven years of the Great
Tribulation descend on the living
Who had dreamed that Christian love would never die
And that God was forgiving...

[Scott]

To the tune of "Pure Imagination" (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory - the Gene Wilder version):

Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of pure regurgitation.

My warped views
Of today's news
In a world of pure regurgitation.

If you want to view hack writing
Simply look around and view it
To cash you check you just do it
Vomit LaHaye's views, there's nothing to it.

[JessicaR]

If it weren't for the cost of replacement I would have put my fist through my monitor at reading about Rayford "letting" her have her little "game". Poor Slutty McTrampy she just wants to be loved. I think her big showstopper could go like the title number from Jesus Christ Superstar

Everytime I look at you
I don't understand
Why you wouldn't even go so far
As to hold my hand
Was it me? Or was it your spouse?
Or have I been wasting my time with a complete louse?
And I wanna know! (I wanna know!)
And I wanna know! (I wanna know!)
And I want to know right now!
Rayford Steele, Flyin' a Jet
Do you think you're going to get away with it?
Rayford Steele, Flyin' a Jet
Do you think you're going to get away with it?
Tell me about your friend at the top
Who could take away everyone's child at a drop
Is he the answer is he worthy of praise?
Or is his just you multiplyed in cruelty and sensless ways?
Repeat Chorus

[Vashti]

I'm surprised nobody's done anything with the theme from "Bucky O'Hare" yet.

And we get Book Two! Fred, you're a great man.

[Cactus Wren]

Rayford goes to the counter to leave a message for Hattie, and the minimum-wage girl there breaks every confidentiality rule in telling Rayford that Hattie already had other messages.

There's perks involved in being a Mary Sue character. Everyone likes you and gives you whatever you want or need at the moment.

That's the canonical definition of a Mary Sue: the character for whom the rules don't count. Actually, that exchange reminded me of a dreadful real-people fic in which Mary Sue breaks her leg and gets Orlando Bloom as her hospital roommate. At one point she awakes from a nap and finds him gone; when she asks a nurse where he is, the response is an unhesitating "Mr. Bloom was taken upstairs for his leukemia tests."

[Ryan Ferneau]

Oh gosh, Bucky O'Hare did have a cool song. What would the hook be? "Bucky! Captain Rayford and Buck!"

[Gabriel]

Buck apologized for the cab incident, to a woman no less! Just another sign he's not a RTC, I guess.

Of course, it is rather weasely. And it's not like it was a genuine apology borne out of guilt. It was merely a quickly applied band aid of polite insincerity to a uncomfortable situation. And Hattie knows it.

This bit isn't poorly written. It's masterful. It's masterful in a way showing the authors think in exactly the same way and have played out the scene hundreds of times in real life.