L.B.: Cruel to be kind, pt. 1

Left Behind, pp. 367-377

Rayford was as earnest, honest and forthright with Hattie as he had ever been.

The authors don't mean this as tactful ambiguity ("I've never heard you sing better") -- they mean this. Rayford is intended in these pages to be a portrait of sincerity, honesty and candor. More than that, though, he is meant here to serve as a model of real, true Christian evangelism. The key to appreciating these pages is found near the end of this section:

Rayford felt much like Bruce Barnes had sounded the day they met. He was full of passion and persuasion, and he felt his prayers for courage and coherence were answered as he spoke.

Rayford, in other words, is divinely guided here to become the ideal evangelist. He has been transformed through prayer into a soul-savin' mofo with a spirit-led mojo. If readers want to know how to witness/evangelize/proselytize/lead-others-to-a-saving-knowledge-of-Jesus-Christ-as-their-own-personal-Lord-and-Savior, then these pages here are where LaHaye and Jenkins show them how to do it.

That makes this section of Left Behind strange and alien-seeming even for lifelong natives of the evangelical American subculture, because this is unlike any kind of evangelism even they have seen before. Rayford does not tell Hattie that "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." He doesn't walk her along the "Romans Road" or draw for her the "Bridge Illustration" or read to her from the kente cloth of the Wordless Book.

Rayford never even mentions Jesus. At all. His approach, instead, is to make Hattie squirm until she cries, and then to start in on the prophecy stuff:

They sat across from each other in overstuffed chairs in the corner of a large, noisy room where they could not be heard by anyone else.

"Hattie," he said, "I'm not here to argue with you or even to have a conversation. There are things I must tell you, and I want you just to listen.

"I don't get to say anything? Because there may be things I'll want you to know, too."

"Of course I'll let you tell me anything you want, but this first part, my part, I don't want to be a dialogue. "

So Rayford was as creepy, controlling and condescending with Hattie as he had ever been.

"I have to get some things off my chest, and I want you to get the whole picture before you respond, OK?"

She shrugged. "I don't see how I have a choice."

"You had a choice, Hattie. You didn't have to come."

"I didn't really want to come. I told you that and you left that guilt-trip message, begging me to meet you here."

Rayford was frustrated. "You see what I didn't want to get into?" he said.

This is what the authors mean by courage and passion. If it seems more like bullying and badgering to you, then you just don't appreciate what's at stake here. Rayford is fighting for Hattie's very soul. With eternity at stake, he can't afford to be polite and he doesn't have time for a conversation or a dialogue. The authors earnestly, honestly and forthrightly believe that this is how evangelism works. They're kind of like Amway reps, except that they believe you will die if you don't buy the soap and join the sales team.

To get a better sense of their perspective, here's Jerry Jenkins sharing his favorite analogy, one that he employs and alludes to repeatedly in the Left Behind series:

I've often said that if I had a neighbor who truly believed that the only way to heaven was by wearing a purple necklace, I might find this humorous or even repugnant, but I would be offended if he didn't at least tell me. Not telling me for fear of my negative response would prove he doesn't really care about me.

Apart from his reducing faith to merely "the way to heaven," that's not a terrible illustration of why evangelism is often a loving act. It can be, and should be, an invitation. If you're going to extend an invitation, however, you have to be willing to take No for an answer. Otherwise you're not making an invitation, you're making an offer they can't refuse.

In his purple necklace illustration, Jenkins wants to have it both ways. He wants others to understand that when he tells them about his magic Jesus necklace, it is a sincere ("earnest, honest and forthright") expression of his concern. It is evidence that he "really cares" about them. But if they find his evangelizing "humorous or repugnant," or merely unconvincing, then he wants to keep on telling about his necklace, over and over, because he's sure that anyone who really understands about the necklace will accept the truth of it and join him in wearing the necklace and hectoring others to do the same. Thus we have Rayford Steele here with Hattie, refusing to allow her to speak until he has finished explaining his weird prophecy-gospel.

Think of those sexual harrassment seminars they have at the office. Asking a co-worker out on a date is not sexual harassment. That's merely an invitation. But refusing to take No for an answer -- refusing to accept that your invitation has not been accepted -- that is harassment. In this chapter, Rayford the evangelist isn't just a harasser, he's a stalker -- calling her dozens of times a day, following her home and hanging out in the bushes outside her house. This behavior, L&J tell us, is evidence of his "passion" and "courage."

For Rayford Steele, even "apologizing" doesn't mean yielding an ounce of control:

"How can I apologize when all you want to do is argue about why you're here?"

"You want to apologize, Rayford? I would never stand in the way of that."

She was being sarcastic, but he had gotten her attention. "Yes, I do. Now will you let me?" She nodded. "Because I want to get through this, to set the record straight, to take all the blame I should ..."

Notice the restriction, the limit, the way this apology is prefaced as also an accusation. This isn't an apology, it's a legal settlement. The party of the first part herein concedes responsibility and expresses remorse for the following aspects of the dispute, such expression, henceforth to be referred to as "The Apology," shall be construed as applying exclusively to these aspects of said dispute and may not be interpreted as an acknowledgment of guilt, responsibility, liability, regret, remorse or shame with regard to any aspect of said dispute not specifically enumerated herein. ...

"... to take all the blame I should, and then I want to tell you what I hinted at on the phone the other night."

"About how you've discovered what the vanishings are all about."

He held up a hand. "Don't get ahead of me."

"Sorry," she said, putting her hand over her mouth. "But why don't you just let me hear it when you answer Buck's questions tonight?" Rayford rolled his eyes. "I was just wondering," she said. "Jut a suggestion so you don't have to repeat yourself."

That was Hattie, there, who uttered the word "Sorry." Rayford is the one rolling his eyes and holding up a hand to silence her. (I'm starting to think this scene would play better if the parts of Rayford and Hattie were played, respectively, by Dianne Wiest and John Cusack.)

"I don't mind telling it over and over," Rayford tells her, "and if my guess is right, you won't mind hearing it again and again."

Here's the thing I don't get about this scene -- or, for that matter, about all of the subsequent stalker-evangelist scenes in this book and the rest of the series: It's the End Times. Rayford has direct access to the divine decoder ring that tells him exactly what is going to happen over the next seven years. He doesn't need persuasion, he's got proof. He can demonstrate that what he is telling people is true.

All he needs to do is tell people about the next few items on the End Times Checklist and let them see for themselves soon enough: "... Then after that, there will be a ginormous earthquake, the sun will turn black, the moon will turn red and every mountain and island will be removed from its place. Here's my card, you call me after the sun turns black and we'll talk some more." That seems like a potentially more fruitful approach than just cornering people and making them shut up until you've made your pitch "over and over ... again and again."

I feel bad breaking off here and leaving poor Hattie stuck on mute for another week, but Rayford's lecture continues for several more pages, some of which is so skin-crawlingly awful that I can only take it in small doses.

Comments

[Dan]

It's not just fundamentalist christians who do this sort of thing. The last time I had a couple jw's show up at the door, I felt exactly like the guy invited to a dinner party, only to be told "before dessert, we'd like to share his amazing opportunity with you. . ."

[Fraser]

"a soul-savin' mofo with a spirit-led mojo"

Who is the man
Who would witness aloud to his brother man—
Steele!
Who's the cat who won't cop out
When there's skeptics all about
Steele!
He's a complicated man
And no-one understands him but his pastor—
Steele!
I hear that Steele is an overbearing sexist mother—
You shut your mouth!
I'm talking about Rayford Steele
Oh. Then we can dig it.

[Geds]

Rayford was as earnest, honest and forthright with Hattie as he had ever been.

Remember, kids: sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

"You had a choice, Hattie. You didn't have to come."

"I didn't really want to come. I told you that and you left that guilt-trip message, begging me to meet you here."

Rayford was frustrated. "You see what I didn't want to get into?" he said.

Okay, seriously, show of hands. Who would stick around for the conversation after an exchange like this?

[ako]

All he needs to do is tell people about the next few items on the End Times Checklist and let them see for themselves soon enough: "... Then after that, there will be a ginormous earthquake, the sun will turn black, the moon will turn red and every mountain and island will be removed from its place. Here's my card, you call me after the sun turns black and we'll talk some more." That seems like a potentially more fruitful approach than just cornering people and making them shut up until you've made your pitch "over and over ... again and again."

Yes, but if they die in the next disaster, he becomes blameworthy for not telling them. So it's pester, pester, pester, and if they're killed in the earthquake, it had better be after they're saved.

[ako]

Okay, seriously, show of hands. Who would stick around for the conversation after an exchange like this?

I might, because I'm easily drawn into arguments. I wouldn't let him keep control of the conversation the way he is, but I might stick around to shout back. Which would obviously be a bad idea, but the ensuing screaming match might be more interesting than this bizarro apology.

[Jos]

Okay, seriously, show of hands. Who would stick around for the conversation after an exchange like this?

I would. Because, apparently, I can't not. I don't have a choice any more. Rayford Steele has suspended my free will/basic human rights.

Yeah. Probably the creepiest passage so far.

[kodiak]

"Okay, seriously, show of hands. Who would stick around for the conversation after an exchange like this?"

/kodiak sits on her hands so as not to be accidentally mis-counted

That whole exchange reminds me of trying to deal with my parents during their divorce:

me: I love you both and don't need to hear you belittling the other in my presence no matter what you may feel the cause.
them: I understand that, but you have to see how he/she is wearing me down, being malicious and hurtful, spiteful, and/or unfair about the financial settlements* and...
me: ok, stop the car now, I'll find my own way home

I only had to do that twice with each of them to get the message across that I wasn't going to sit there and let them browbeat me to their way of thinking. The way Hattie's been described (some of the time... in glimpses) I don't think she'd stand for this loser either.

*no, they weren't really being any of those things. Not deliberately, it was just a standard divorce... and that was bad enough imho.

[Elmo]

witness/evangelize/proselytize/lead-others-to-a-saving-knowledge-of-Jesus-Christ-as-their-own-personal-Lord-and-Savior
Please try to keep the hyphenated words down to 60 or 70 characters.

[Bugmaster]

I used to be on a different schedule, where I had to be awake in the morning, but didn't have any actual work to do. At that time, I actually looked forward to the various JW/Mormons/whatever visiting. They gave me something to do, especially if they were the starry-eyed kind whose religion was based entirely on creationism. But, after a while, they just stopped coming... I wonder why that was...

[mmack]

That makes this section of Left Behind strange and alien-seeming even for lifelong natives of the evangelical American subculture, because this is unlike any kind of evangelism even they have seen before. Rayford does not tell Hattie that "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." He doesn't walk her along the "Romans Road" or draw for her the "Bridge Illustration" or read to her from the kente cloth of the Wordless Book.

Jumping in early on the comments, but does he at least hand her a ChickTract?

[mr_subjunctive]

"You had a choice, Hattie. You didn't have to come."

"Oh my God, you're right. That means I don't have to stay, either. Good-bye, Rayford." Hattie picked up her bag from the floor and started for the door.

Rayford stepped in front of her. "I wish you would just listen --"

"I wish you would get the fuck out of my way."

"No, c'mon. Hattie."

Hattie pulled a taser from her purse and zapped Rayford with it again and again, over and over, muttering all the while: "Leave me in a goddamned taxi . . . ." Then she stepped over his charred remains and into a new book, a different book, where she could find a man who would talk to her without condescension.

And she lived happily ever after.

[Geds]

Then she stepped over his charred remains and into a new book, a different book, where she could find a man who would talk to her without condescension.

Ah, metafiction.

Good show.

[Jeff]

"You had a choice, Hattie. You didn't have to come."

"Actually I do, motherfucker. This is a restraining order -- if you attempt to contact me in any way, shape or form, or come within 40 feet of me, you're ass will be in prison so fast you'll think you were Raptured there. By the way, I've contacted the airline and told them about the order. You're going to be flying the 1 AM Juneau to Anchorage flight from now on. So shove off, creep, before I call the cops."

[Spalanzani]

""You had a choice, Hattie. You didn't have to come."

"I didn't really want to come. I told you that and you left that guilt-trip message, begging me to meet you here."

Rayford was frustrated. "You see what I didn't want to get into?" he said.

I love how so much of the dialouge already reads like self-parody. In order to actually exaggerate it, you'd have to make it really over the top. Something like:

"You chose to come here, Hattie."
"You brought me here at gunpoint!"
"I don't want to go into that."

(for all I know, this may actually happen in later Left Behind books)

Geds: "Okay, seriously, show of hands. Who would stick around for the conversation after an exchange like this?"

I would probably leave immediately. But if I was in an especially energetic mood, I might stay and try to subtly mock what they try to tell me. Or start throwing rocks at them.

[joolya]

Ray rolls his freakin eyes at her? do manly men roll their eyes? Ya know who rolls their eyes when someone says something reasonable that they think is stoopid? twelve year old girls.
no offense to young girls, though- I am not comparing you to rayford!
no wonder hattie goes to the dark side. next to buck's complete disregard and rayford's creepy head games, the antichrist at least seems like the kind of guy who'd ask about your day and pretend to listen.
how is anyone reading this drivel supposed to identify with ray or be on his side when he can't even hide his contempt for a paragraph? if I were jesus, i'd fire this guy from my sales team.

[PerfectBlue]

That was Hattie, there, who uttered the word "Sorry." Rayford is the one rolling his eyes and holding up a hand to silence her.

I just love the incredulity there.

I have SO been waiting for this section (it's my other favorite, just after the "But Rayford, how will we perform abortions if there are no babies??" conversation). I've been playing LB Fridays Read-A-Long ("turn the page when you hear the chimes ring like this...*ping*") with my very own copy picked up just for that purpose, but started forging on ahead and seriously. And I have this section and the surrounding scenes bookmarked. It's just such a massive train wreck.

[mmack]

He wants others to understand that when he tells them about his magic Jesus necklace, it is a sincere ("earnest, honest and forthright") expression of his concern

Magic Purple Jesus Necklaces now available from www.leftbehind.com for $19.95 + S&H. Order by 12/14/2007 to ensure delivery by Christmas.

[Cyllan]

At least it's easy to understand why Hattie reportedly runs headlong into the open arms of the Antichrist.

[burgundy]

how is anyone reading this drivel supposed to identify with ray or be on his side when he can't even hide his contempt for a paragraph?

It would depend on the paragraph, I guess. I know I'm having a hard time hiding my contempt for these paragraphs...

[Keith]

no wonder hattie goes to the dark side. next to buck's complete disregard and rayford's creepy head games, the antichrist at least seems like the kind of guy who'd ask about your day and pretend to listen.

Nicky is so smooth, he'd actually listen and then console you by calling you "Sweet baby girl" in thirteen languages, arranged alphabetically. Because sensitivity, Ultimate Evil and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder are, apparently, the same thing.

[Josh D]

Yayyyy! LB Friday!

[cjmr]

But, after a while, they just stopped coming... I wonder why that was...

After I had a JW assert to me that in every version of the Bible a certain verse had the word JEHOVAH in it and I pulled out all eight translations I owned and showed her otherwise, I got a personal phone call from her missions supervisor wanting to come over to see me himself. I think I would have preferred them to just stop coming.

[A Kennedy]

Please try to keep the hyphenated words down to 60 or 70 characters.

Wait... why should Germans have all the fun (a question I often ask myself.

Re: Sticking around for a conversation about Jesus...

You know, I'm a Christian, and I hate these things. Especially when I can agree with most of what my interlocutor says, but know I would never be accepted in her church... I have a very friendly JW lady who visits me almost every week with Watchtowers, etc. I really don't have the heart to tell her I'm a Freemason, and have an interest in the Western Occult Tradition and Gnosticism, and believe in transubstantiation. It seems unfair to spoil her fun.

[JoXn]

Call me Thomas, but I have to admit that when God protects Israel from an all-out no-holds-barred nukular attack by Russia, I won't even need to wait for the Rapture / ginormous quake / black sun / blood-red moon / seven seals to convert; so I won't have to suffer through an evangelecture by that era's Rayford Steele.

I'm not holding my breath, though.

[lalouve]

I can so see Hattie going over to the opposed-to-Rayford Antichrist side; it's a case of simple confusion. After about ten minutes' conversation with Rayford I, too, would start thinking I was in hell...

[mr_subjunctive]

In reaction to "Nicky is so smooth, he'd actually listen and then console you by calling you "Sweet baby girl" in thirteen languages, arranged alphabetically. Because sensitivity, Ultimate Evil and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder are, apparently, the same thing." (Keith, above):

-

Nicolae put his hands behind his back and looked sheepish. "I -- I made you something, 'cause it's your birthday."

"Oh, Nicky," said Hattie. "How did you know? I haven't told anybody it's my birthday."

"I looked it up from your records at the DMV. I made them check in English and Spanish."

"That's -- oh. Um. Well, you didn't have to get me anything."

"I made you a mix tape!" Nicolae said, shoving a stack of tapes at her. "Actually, it's a series of mix tapes. On the first one, the songs are in alphabetical order by title, and then on the second one they're alphabetical by artist, and on the third one they're arranged from shortest to longest, and on the fourth. . . ."

"They're wonderful. I look forward to hearing them," said Hattie. She gave Nicolae a huge hug. So he wasn't perfect: at least he seemed to genuinely like her, and he let her speak to him face to face sometimes. Plus he was a great cook, and Secretary General of the United Nations, so he had that going for him. The OCD thing was weird, but maybe there were medications for that? She made a mental note to call some psychiatrists.

[cjmr]

"Actually, it's a series of mix tapes. On the first one, the songs are in alphabetical order by title, and then on the second one they're alphabetical by artist, and on the third one they're arranged from shortest to longest, and on the fourth. . . ."

*spits cookie crumbs across room*

It might be just me, but with that line of "See what I didn't want to get into?" I had the uncomfortable feeling that what would come next would be Rayford tying her to a chair and slapping her around, saying that "I didn't want it to come to this, but you stupid woman, you just wouldn't listen!!!" Very unsettling.

[car]

It might be just me, but with that line of "See what I didn't want to get into?" I had the uncomfortable feeling that what would come next would be Rayford tying her to a chair and slapping her around, saying that "I didn't want it to come to this, but you stupid woman, you just wouldn't listen!!!" Very unsettling.

[Richard Hershberger]

"All he needs to do is tell people about the next few items on the End Times Checklist and let them see for themselves soon enough"

At the risk of stating the obvious (or perhaps of missing the obvious) the book doesn't have him do this because the book isn't really about events during the End Times. It is really for us pre-eschaton slobs, telling us what we should be doing. Since the Rapture hasn't happened yet (as I type this) we can't use the check list for our evangelizing.

Which is to say, the book is clumsily written. The religious points being made should flow from the narrative, without the need for a crowbar. Paradise Lost it ain't.

[Edo]

@Fraser: The title of this post was on the verge of giving me earworm. Thank you, thank you very much, for giving me something better to listen to instead.

[rizzo]

After I had a JW assert to me that in every version of the Bible a certain verse had the word JEHOVAH in it and I pulled out all eight translations I owned and showed her otherwise, I got a personal phone call from her missions supervisor wanting to come over to see me himself.*snip*

Beautiful!

[Llelldorin]

"You had a choice, Hattie. You didn't have to come."

"I didn't really want to come. I told you that and you left that guilt-trip message, begging me to meet you here."

Rayford was frustrated. "You see what I didn't want to get into?" he said.

*********

Rayford sank, head in hands, into a plush chair at the Pan-Am club. He probed gingerly at his nose. A stab of intense pain and a nauseating click confirmed his fears: broken.

How could that have gone so wrong? He'd been inspired, eloquent, convincing!

Who would have thought that she could punch so hard? He'd been more bemused than concerned when he saw her face fill with terror, and saw her hand swing back, fist clenched. The next thing he knew, all he could see through a red haze of pain was her feet stepping into a cab. He'd rested there on the pavement for a good thirty seconds, then headed back into the club for a double shot of Jack Daniels.

Looks like he'd picked the wrong week to quit drinking liquor.

[Peter Boysen]

It is kinda interesting to me that the antichrist, in spite of his dreadfully boring speeches, is a more likable character than any of the protagonists we've met in the book yet.

[mr_subjunctive]

@Llelldorin:

Beautiful.

[Spalanzani]

Richard Hershberger: "Paradise Lost it ain't."

Somebody needs to write an iambic pentameter version of Left Behind.

[harmfulguy]

...Rayford's lecture continues for several more pages, some of which is so skin-crawlingly awful that I can only take it in small doses.

So, is this the "John Galt's Speech" of the book?

[Richard Hershberger]

"You know, I'm a Christian, and I hate these things. Especially when I can agree with most of what my interlocutor says, but know I would never be accepted in her church..."

I get that a fair amount. The local wanna-be megachurch goes door to door. I get a visit once or twice a year. I generally just smile serenely and tell them that I already have a church home with which I am extremely happy.

This is usually enough to satisfy them until the next cycle. On one occasion they asked if I was confident of salvation, which I answered in the affirmative. They asked on what basis, and I answered through Jesus. This was the right answer, so they went away. This was obviously the alpha and the omega of their theology, and I saw no need to point out that this is kindergarten-level stuff. It's not that I disagreed with anything they said. It is that their conception of Christianity is to ask one question that has a clear answer, and they never get to the hard stuff. They ask "How can I be saved?" but never get to "OK, I'm saved. So now what?"

[Raka]

JoXn: I have to admit that when God protects Israel from an all-out no-holds-barred nukular attack by Russia, I won't even need to wait for the Rapture...

I wouldn't necessarily believe that the PMDs were right, but I would definitely believe that a very powerful entity was going to dramatic lengths to make it look like the PMDs were right, and my best option (as a not-at-all-powerful entity) might be to play along and keep my eyes and ears open.

[mcc]

I would. Because, apparently, I can't not. I don't have a choice any more. Rayford Steele has suspended my free will/basic human rights.

Rayford's a coworker of Hattie's, right? And a coworker in a somewhat-managerial position with relation to Hattie? (I don't know exactly how airline office politics work.) It seems in this situation one might find oneself compelled to sit and let Rayford finish his spiel because at least if you do so now, then maybe he won't try to start up again with it the next time you see him at work. Though this desire to let him say his piece and get it over with would not, of course, preclude one from backtalking as Hattie does...

[Lax Tool]

"You had a choice, Hattie. You didn't have to come."

"I didn't really want to come. I told you that and you left that guilt-trip message, begging me to meet you here."

Rayford was frustrated. "You see what I didn't want to get into?" he said.

*********

"Hattie, I know you're mad at me right now, and I'm kinda mad too... I mean, we could sit here and try to figure out 'who's been playing destructive head games with who' until the cows come home. But let's just say we're both wrong and that'll be that."

[Cyllan]

@Spalanzani: A good version, or just a reinterpretation of the drek as it currently stands?

[Edo]

@Spalanzani: Somebody needs to write an iambic pentameter version of Left Behind.

How about Kalevala meter?

Rayford Steele was in his cockpit
With his plane on autopilot,
With his mind set on a woman
He had never laid his hands on.
Rayford Steele had spent time with her,
Talking over drinks or dinners,
With coworkers or without them;
Even after all those hours
Chatting over drinks or dinners,
Though his eyes had held her gazes,
He had never been untowards,
Nor returned a finger's brushing.
Rayford Steele was not a prude,
But he had never been unfaithful
To his wife Irene, not even
At that Christmas party with that
Woman in that necking session
While she was ten months pregnant.
Rayford Steele was sitting, thinking,
When a stewardess came running
Saying, "There are people missing..."

[Edo]

Correction at the end:

...when a stewardess came running,
Saying, "Sir, this needs addressing,
Half the passengers are missing..."

[mmack]

Fred (And others),

The last sentence fragment some of which is so skin-crawlingly awful that I can only take it in small doses. reminded me of something I read today, which was perfectly timed for Left Behind Friday.

In today's Chicago Tribune there's an interview with Phillip Pullman, the author of the book and movie The Golden Compass (you can read it here). Pullman is an atheist, which of course means:

Q Figures from the religious right, particularly the authors of the "Left Behind" series, are out campaigning against your film. What's your reaction to that?

A I'm not concerned with shutting anybody up, stopping anybody from reading any books, even the "Left Behind" ones. I don't believe in doing that, because I'm a democrat. People who want to tell other people not to read such a book or see such a film are dictators. There is no place for dictators in the world I want.

Of course, Timmy and Jerry see things a little differently:

JENKINS: Yes, really, the fact is this is not our issue. I mean, we`re
being asked about it, but we`re not on some campaign. We haven`t come
out with any statements or anything like that.

To me, it`s a parenting issue. If you think your child is too young to
understand fantasy or if it turns out that the movie is anti-religion,
anti-God, anti-Christ, then you don`t let your kids watch it. I`m not
for book banning. I`m not for book burning. I`m not for boycotting
movies unless, you know, you`re being a parent and protecting your
child.

The rest of the interview is here. (The transcript is from an interview conducted by Glenn Beck)

My first thought when I read the Tribune print article was to think "Those two clowns offering literary criticism is like Zastava Automobili (Makers of that paragon of automotive engineering, the Yugo) offering Toyota or BMW quality control advice".

[cjmr]

While she was ten months pregnant.

Irene really was an super-natural woman, wasn't she. Most women only get to nine months pregnant.

/snarkiness

[rampancy]

"Rayford, in other words, is divinely guided here to become the ideal evangelist. He has been transformed through prayer into a soul-savin' mofo with a spirit-led mojo."

Oh my God, I spat out my coffee laughing from this. Thanks a lot...

Who is the man
Who would witness aloud to his brother man—
Steele!

Fraser, you win the thread. Here, take my MacBook. I hope you don't mind the keyboard and screen all covered in coffee.

[Bugmaster]

@Edo:
I'm going to build a shrine to you on my balcony. I hope you don't mind.

[Spalanzani]

cjmr: "Irene really was an super-natural woman, wasn't she. Most women only get to nine months pregnant."

Irene was pregnant with Rayford jr. during the "necking session", right? I can imagine that the task of creating another Rayford might require some extra time. You can't get a person capable of saying the kind of crap we see in this week's entry with a mere nine monthes of pregnancy.

[Spalanzani]

I wanted to award this thread to Edo for his Kalevala Left Behind, but rampancy has apparently already awarded it to Fraser. Now what? Do the two of them have to fight over it?