Zuzu's petals

To fully appreciate the perspective, values and standards of "Movieguide," consider this: They present an annual award called the Faith & Values Crystal Teddy Bear Award for Dedication to Redeeming the Values of the Mass Media of Entertainment.

Last year, a Special Lifetime Faith & Values Crystal Teddy Bear Award for Dedication to Redeeming the Values of the Mass Media of Entertainment was given to Pat Boone.

I don't know if they refer to this as the F&VCTBADRVMME for short, or if they just refer to it as the "Crystal Teddy Bear." (I tried Googling "crystal" + "teddy" + "bear," but all I got was a bunch of stories about Ted Haggard.) The actual award itself is, in fact, a Lucite teddy-bear statuette -- cuddly, but in a hard and brittle kind of way.

Imagine we were assigned as a committee to design an artistic award. Our instructions for this design would be to create something so hideously tasteless and aesthetically maladroit that it would signal to all the world, unambiguously, that neither the presenter nor the recipient should ever be allowed to have anything to do with or say about the arts. After rejecting the rhinestone-encrusted Thomas Kinkade painting in the gold-plated frame as not quite ugly enough, someone on the committee suggests a teddy bear statuette. A crystal teddy bear statuette. We would all sit silent for a moment, picturing such a thing in our heads. And then we'd all laugh and move on, trying to come up with something a little less over the top.

So again, let me just repeat that this was something that really happened: Last year, Movieguide presented Pat Boone with a Special Lifetime Faith & Values Crystal Teddy Bear Award for Dedication to Redeeming the Values of the Mass Media of Entertainment.

Movieguide judges films according to a whole alphabet of possible sins. Their glossary* includes the usual suspects of sex, violence, nudity and strong language, but also things like:

Ab - Mild or light anti-biblical, anti-Christian or anti-Jewish worldview or elements
AbAb - Strong anti-biblical, anti-Christian or anti-Jewish worldview or elements
AbAbAb - Very strong anti-biblical, anti-Christian or anti-Jewish worldview or elements ...
ACap - Anti-capitalism, anti-wealth, politics of envy
AP - Anti-patriotism or anti-Americanism ...
E - Environmentalism or environmentalist worldview
Ev - Evolutionary worldview or elements
Fe - Feminist worldview or elements
FR - Non-Christian worldview or false religions, such as Mormonism or legalism
H - Humanist worldview or humanism (incl. Marxism, communism, socialism, etc.)
Ho - Homosexual worldview or homosexuality (incl. sodomy & lesbianism)
I - Internationalist or globalist worldview or elements ...

For a sense of how Movieguide measures such things, see for example their review of The Walker, the latest film from Calvin College graduate Paul Schrader,** which they condemn for "Excessive Leftist Elements." What that means, apparently, is that the protagonist is homosexual, prompting a long rant, which is part of Movieguide's review but has nothing to do with the film:

A self-declared follower of Jesus, or member of a recognized Christian church, who publicly accepts homosexuality, adultery or any other sin -- as many leaders, pundits and celebrities have done -- is making a mockery of his or her faith. Such people are the ultimate hypocrites and false teachers. Their misguided public actions and speeches present a grave public danger to all the world’s children. We must publicly and/or privately call them to repent and turn to Jesus.

So, according to the Movieguide folks, I'm not really a follower of Jesus, but rather a "false teacher" and a "grave public danger to all the world's children." I suppose I could say something similar about them for their lying to children about evolution and teaching that women's equality and care for our environment are sins to be warned against. So let's call that a wash. (Although I would love to have a T-shirt that said, "A grave public danger to all the world's children," which would also be a great album name.)

As worked-up as Movieguide gets in their review of The Walker, it's nothing compared to their recent PR-blitz attacking The Golden Compass, a film they condemn as "Abhorrent."

Here's a video clip of Movieguide's Ted Baehr at a screening of The Golden Compass:

Anyway, there's the background on Movieguide, the gay-hatin', crystal teddy bear-lovin' arbiters of taste and morality. All of which is just to preface the press release the group sent out today (via fax, it's not on their Web site yet) announcing their "Must See Christmas Films for Families." Here is their list:

10) The Bells of St. Mary's
9) A Christmas Story
8) Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
7) Home Alone
6) Meet John Doe
5) Meet Me in St. Louis
4) The Muppet Christmas Carol
3) The Nativity Story
2) Ben-Hur
1) It's a Wonderful Life

That's not all that bad. I didn't expect Movieguide to like many of my favorite holiday classics, such as The Ref, or Die Hard, or even Elf. And while I'm not a fan of Ben-Hur (apart from the classic chariot race), at least they didn't include The Robe. I'd probably include A Christmas Story*** and A Muppet Christmas Carol on my own Top 10 list. (I love Meet John Doe, too, but I don't usually think of it as a Christmas movie.) And I enthusiastically share their pick for No. 1 -- It's a Wonderful Life isn't just one of my favorite holiday movies, but one of my favorite movies, period. It gets my vote for the Great American Novel.

The problem here, however, is that It's a Wonderful Life shouldn't be on Movieguide's list.

They should hate this movie, labeling it "Abhorrent" due to its strident ACapACapACap content.

It might seem strange to label a movie with a banker protagonist as containing "Very strong Anti-capitalism, anti-wealth, politics of envy," but George Bailey is the wrong kind of banker, the wrong kind of capitalist. The central conflict of the movie and, the film insists, the central conflict of American society is between George Bailey and Old Man Potter. And Old Man Potter is, for the Movieguide folks and their ilk, the right kind of capitalist.

George Bailey's sin, and the one thing that separates him from Potter, is that he refuses to maximize profit. He runs the Baily Bros. Building & Loan according to a whole host of values that have nothing to do with his fiduciary responsibility to his shareholders, settling instead for some notion of what he regards as a "fairness," i.e. socialism.

Bailey views himself as some kind of class-warfare champion, self-righteousy trumpeting his superior morality on behalf of the "rabble" who, he says, "do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community." Bailey goes further, insisting that the proletariat also possess positive economic rights to things like housing and employment. Pointy-headed ivory-tower intellectual economists may try to claim that this doesn't make Bailey a communist -- that the Bailey Bros. Building & Loan is actually a model of a humane capitalism that is better able to account for larger social and economic factors than is the predatory brand of corporate capitalism practiced by his rival Potter. But those eggheads are all just envious, anti-wealth commies too. There are no shades of gray here, only shades of pink -- Bailey's refusal to maximize profit makes him a socialist, a communist, even a Stalinist or a Maoist probably.

George Bailey's Maoism also illustrates why the politics of envy is anti-family. What kind of father keeps his children in a drafty, dilapidated old house just because he's too morally smug to accept Potter's perfectly reasonable offer of a higher salary? A bad father. The kind who poses a danger not only to his own children, but also a grave public danger to all the world’s children.

And if all of that is true for George Bailey, it goes double for Ebenezer Scrooge. So no crystal teddy bears for Jimmy Stewart or Michael Caine.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

* Bonus extra credit: Apply the ratings of Movieguide's glossary to Hamlet.

** Schrader, who also wrote Taxi Driver, deals most directly with his personal history as a Calvinist theology student in his classic film Hardcore. That film -- which is where the above clip is actually from -- includes a scene in which George C. Scott explains the five points of the Calvinist "TULIP" to a prostitute. Not to be missed. As for The Walker, I'll be sure to see it because, after all, it is the story of an innocent man embroiled in an international scheme, and I love that story.

*** One of my prized possessions is a signed first edition of In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash, the source of many of the stories in A Christmas Story. Flick lives.

Comments

[balt]

7) Home Alone

I have to say I don't get this one (from the MovieGuide perspective). I completely agree that Die Hard is one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time. Nonetheless, I found the violence in Home Alone stomach-turning. The difference was probably that I was watching Bruce blow up bad guys with a bunch of other adults, but I was watching Makuly apply leathal force to bad guys with a six year old. I mean, seriously: the bad guy gets smacked in the head with a full paint can falling from 10 or 15 feet. In real life he would be dead.

But maybe it's just that I hate that movie with the fire of thousand angry suns and wish that no one would mention it. The fact that Movieguide likes it just reinforces my notions about both the movie and Movieguide.

[Majromax]

Oh, come now. MovieGuide obviously is listing The Walker as a Christmas film. They rated it "HoHoHo," after all!

My take on the half-remembered Hamlet:

Shakespeare's newest film HAMLET (AbAb, ACap, AP, Ho, MM, OOO, PaPa, Rh, SS, VVV) is set in a false representation of early Denmark. While HAMLET's society is nominally Christian, no mention is made of The Saving Grace of Jesus Christ. Instead, main characters -- good and ill alike -- repeatedly turn to the Occult and Pagan Powers. For all of its "Christian" elements, HAMLET subverts Christianity into some sort of Satanism.

Paganism is rampant in this film, to the point where it trains our children to be Pagan Terrorists. Ghosts and otherworldly figures run rampant, and there is even a depiction of a trio of Satanists conducting a Satanic Ritual.

HAMLET's titular character encourages rebellion against the ruling class for personal motives. This rebellion motivates the film's gore; stabbings, swordfights, and poisonings abound in explicit detail. Motivating the rebellion is Hamlet's uncle's marriage to Hamlet's mother, adulterous by Biblical standards. Also present in the film is a subtext of incestuous lust on Hamlet's own part.

Homosexuality is not depicted in the film, but two obviously homosexual characters (Rozencrantz and Guildenstern) are depicted in a positive, comical light.

HAMLET has its moments, but this film is not suitable at all for young children. Older children should only be permitted to see this film in the presence of a parent or spiritual guardian, lest they be tempted into Satanism.

[Majromax]

Oh, come now. MovieGuide obviously is listing The Walker as a Christmas film. They rated it "HoHoHo," after all!

My take on the half-remembered Hamlet:

Shakespeare's newest film HAMLET (AbAb, ACap, AP, Ho, MM, OOO, PaPa, Rh, SS, VVV) is set in a false representation of early Denmark. While HAMLET's society is nominally Christian, no mention is made of The Saving Grace of Jesus Christ. Instead, main characters -- good and ill alike -- repeatedly turn to the Occult and Pagan Powers. For all of its "Christian" elements, HAMLET subverts Christianity into some sort of Satanism.

Paganism is rampant in this film, to the point where it trains our children to be Pagan Terrorists. Ghosts and otherworldly figures run rampant, and there is even a depiction of a trio of Satanists conducting a Satanic Ritual.

HAMLET's titular character encourages rebellion against the ruling class for personal motives. This rebellion motivates the film's gore; stabbings, swordfights, and poisonings abound in explicit detail. Motivating the rebellion is Hamlet's uncle's marriage to Hamlet's mother, adulterous by Biblical standards. Also present in the film is a subtext of incestuous lust on Hamlet's own part.

Homosexuality is not depicted in the film, but two obviously homosexual characters (Rozencrantz and Guildenstern) are depicted in a positive, comical light.

HAMLET has its moments, but this film is not suitable at all for young children. Older children should only be permitted to see this film in the presence of a parent or spiritual guardian, lest they be tempted into Satanism.

[MikhailBorg]

Bugmaster: It's a Wonderful Life is actually two movies, jammed together. One is a grimly realistic commentary on the human condition. The other one is a light comedy. What I find interesting is that the second part amplifies the first.

All comedy comes from darkness, at some level. Human failures, mistakes, misunderstandings, and frailties are the core of even the most banal network sitcom.

I have a horrible habit of starting to empathize with even somewhat sketchily drawn fictional characters, so I have to be careful which comedies I choose to watch, lest I suddenly stop laughing at the protagonist's plight. (For example, I strongly disliked the last third of "Hitch", because I could not get past the female lead's betrayal of Will Smith.)

If you think about it, we all laugh on L.B. Fridays because of the characters' and writers' complete failure to deliver their intended message, or indeed any sort of decent plot or characterization. In the words of Steve Martin, "I've written a lot of children's books. Not on purpose."

[Richard Hershberger]

"As far as I could tell is that a lot of evangelical culture involves a lot of kitsch. To be fair, more than a good chunk of Jewish culture involves a good deal of kitsch. The differnce is that most Jews recognize that Jewish kitsch is kitsch."

Self-knowledge makes all the difference. We Lutherans have our own brand of kitsch. I am the proud owner of "Sin Boldly" beer glasses. My brother has matching Martin and Katie Luther bobble-heads. But we absolutely know that this is kitsch, and love it all the more for it.

In any case, this MovieGuide site seems to be firmly in the camp of people who are very carefully selective in which parts of the Bible they notice. Samuel Butler wrote of a village where they would be nearly as shocked to see Christianity questioned as they would to see it practised.

[Richard Hershberger]

"As far as I could tell is that a lot of evangelical culture involves a lot of kitsch. To be fair, more than a good chunk of Jewish culture involves a good deal of kitsch. The differnce is that most Jews recognize that Jewish kitsch is kitsch."

Self-knowledge makes all the difference. We Lutherans have our own brand of kitsch. I am the proud owner of "Sin Boldly" beer glasses. My brother has matching Martin and Katie Luther bobble-heads. But we absolutely know that this is kitsch, and love it all the more for it.

In any case, this MovieGuide site seems to be firmly in the camp of people who are very carefully selective in which parts of the Bible they notice. Samuel Butler wrote of a village where they would be nearly as shocked to see Christianity questioned as they would to see it practised.

[Cyllan]

Is it just me, or is anyone else both horrified and entertained by imagining these folks watching these movies in order to rate them.

"Hmm. I notice that you counted 10 F-words in that scene. I only counted 9. We should go back and watch it again just to make sure."

The puritanical glee with which some of those reviews are written just make me squirm.

[Geds]

At some point in the recent past I discovered The Dove Foundation, which does much the same thing. I laughed at their stupidity and thought they had a dumb idea and a shallow worldview. The sad thing is, I've now learned that The Dove Foundation is basically the most sane of any of these groups. Oh, and CAPAlert is, by far, the least sane of any of them. It's got the web design of a conspiracy theory nutcase and it begs for money in a deeply, deeply pathetic manner at least once on every page. Oh, and he claims that it costs him approximately $353 per movie review.

One of the greatest things I've noticed in all of these websites, though, is the fact that they're completely blind to the fact that Hollywood shares a huge chunk of Christian values. What message do we get at the end of nearly every movie? The bad guy gets what's coming and the good guy gets to go live happily ever after. It's like clockwork. Isn't that how the Bible ends?

Oh, and in case anyone is even remotely interested, I haven't seen the movie version of The Golden Compass, but all of the stupidity coming from the Christian Right compelled me to finally get around to reading His Dark Materials. I then felt the need to bitch about the general stupidity of Fundamentalist Christianity in relation to Pullman over here. Since my random stories of disassociating myself with fundies tend to hold some interest, I figured a couple people might enjoy it. [/blogwhoring]

[Geds]

At some point in the recent past I discovered The Dove Foundation, which does much the same thing. I laughed at their stupidity and thought they had a dumb idea and a shallow worldview. The sad thing is, I've now learned that The Dove Foundation is basically the most sane of any of these groups. Oh, and CAPAlert is, by far, the least sane of any of them. It's got the web design of a conspiracy theory nutcase and it begs for money in a deeply, deeply pathetic manner at least once on every page. Oh, and he claims that it costs him approximately $353 per movie review.

One of the greatest things I've noticed in all of these websites, though, is the fact that they're completely blind to the fact that Hollywood shares a huge chunk of Christian values. What message do we get at the end of nearly every movie? The bad guy gets what's coming and the good guy gets to go live happily ever after. It's like clockwork. Isn't that how the Bible ends?

[Geds]

At some point in the recent past I discovered The Dove Foundation, which does much the same thing. I laughed at their stupidity and thought they had a dumb idea and a shallow worldview. The sad thing is, I've now learned that The Dove Foundation is basically the most sane of any of these groups. Oh, and CAPAlert is, by far, the least sane of any of them. It's got the web design of a conspiracy theory nutcase and it begs for money in a deeply, deeply pathetic manner at least once on every page. Oh, and he claims that it costs him approximately $353 per movie review.

One of the greatest things I've noticed in all of these websites, though, is the fact that they're completely blind to the fact that Hollywood shares a huge chunk of Christian values. What message do we get at the end of nearly every movie? The bad guy gets what's coming and the good guy gets to go live happily ever after. It's like clockwork. Isn't that how the Bible ends?

[Geds]

At some point in the recent past I discovered The Dove Foundation, which does much the same thing. I laughed at their stupidity and thought they had a dumb idea and a shallow worldview. The sad thing is, I've now learned that The Dove Foundation is basically the most sane of any of these groups. Oh, and CAPAlert is, by far, the least sane of any of them. It's got the web design of a conspiracy theory nutcase and it begs for money in a deeply, deeply pathetic manner at least once on every page. Oh, and he claims that it costs him approximately $353 per movie review.

Oh, and in case anyone is even remotely interested, I haven't seen the movie version of The Golden Compass, but all of the stupidity coming from the Christian Right compelled me to finally get around to reading His Dark Materials. I then felt the need to bitch about the general stupidity of Fundamentalist Christianity in relation to Pullman over here. Since my random stories of disassociating myself with fundies tend to hold some interest, I figured a couple people might enjoy it. [/blogwhoring]

[Geds]

Okay, so in my last post I got flagged as spam. The two paragraphs were initially the first and last of a three paragraph thing. I took the third paragraph out. It flagged me. I tried the original first two with no links. It flagged me. I took the middle out and it worked. Let's see if I can post the middle paragraph now:

One of the greatest things I've noticed in all of these websites, though, is the fact that they're completely blind to the fact that Hollywood shares a huge chunk of Christian values. What message do we get at the end of nearly every movie? The bad guy gets what's coming and the good guy gets to go live happily ever after. It's like clockwork. Isn't that how the Bible ends?

[Geds]

Okay, so in my last post I got flagged as spam. The two paragraphs were initially the first and last of a three paragraph thing. I took the third paragraph out. It flagged me. I tried the original first two with no links. It flagged me. I took the middle out and it worked. Let's see if I can post the middle paragraph now. I'm confused. And hateful. Confused and hateful.

[bluebren]

Wow, this has been my year for discovering people who love Muppet Christmas Carol. Until now I thought I was the only one.

[Jesurgislac]

I love the Muppet Christmas Carol. It made me think, briefly, that if only Miss Piggy had had the courage of her convictions and really tried, she could have been a great actress, instead of an egotistic singer in a drab music hall run by her boyfriend.

...Then I realised she was just a muppet. I blame the pre-Christmas dementia that was obviously fogging my brain.

Still, it is a lovely movie, isn't it?

[histrogeek]

I'm not sure that the Movieguide folks have even seen the movies they purport to love. It's a Wonderful Life and Xmas Carol are anti-capitalist (not exactly but definitely by their standards); Miracle on 34th Street involves a mental patient who is proclaimed Santa Claus by a lot of legalistic manuveuring; Home Alone implies that kids can do fine without a supreme patriarch watching over them and that families are more important for their emotional support than discipline; and of course The Nativity Story involves a woman getting pregnant outside of wedlock and forcing some poor man to adopt a child not his own.
And now I have to find me those Martin and Katie Luther bobble-heads. I never even imagined such a treasure was possible.

[Richard Hershberger]

"And now I have to find me those Martin and Katie Luther bobble-heads. I never even imagined such a treasure was possible."

www.oldlutheran.com

They don't seem to have the Katie bobblehead anymore, but you can get Martin for a mere $14.95. They have both Martin and Katie wind up dolls: $9.95 for the set.

I also commend the "Here I Stand" socks, and for the infants the "Here I Creep" onesie.

But for the Slacktivist crowd, the item y'all cannot live without is the "Left Behind" gym shorts and sweatpants, with the words "Left Behind" inscribed on the left behind.

[Ian]

Here I thought Ben-Hur was an Easter movie. Is there a time of year that's wrong for Die Hard?

My Wiimote has drawn blood. A word of advice - while playing tennis, don't go for a jumping overhead smash in a room with a stucco ceiling. I think I have a scar on my index finger now.

From MovieGuide's review of I'm Not There
"rather than being a truly poignant look at the impact of the entertainment media on culture, the movie itself serves as nothing more than an artistic vehicle for the director as well as a tremendous performance opportunity for Cate Blanchett, who shines in her portrayal of Dylan’s more existentially-troubled persona."
I like that aesthetic judgment manages, just barely, to burn through the finger wagging. There's hope for these people. I'm reminded of Fred's very sad post here.

[bluefrog]

Cyllan: Is it just me, or is anyone else both horrified and entertained by imagining these folks watching these movies in order to rate them?
"Hmm. I notice that you counted 10 F-words in that scene. I only counted 9. We should go back and watch it again to make sure."

You would have LOVED the Maryland State Board of Censors! They were a three-person committee which, as far as I could figure, did something very like that in deciding which scenes to cut to maintain "decency" before a film could be shown in Maryland. The Supreme Court finally disbanded them in 1965.

[Myriad]

@Richard Hershberger: "Left Behind" gym shorts and sweatpants...

no! no, you kid! must have!

[MikeJ]

I really wish I could read some of the back reviews at that site. Wasn't Oskar Schindler deeply unpatriotic? APAPAP Passion of the Christ? Pretty anti Jewish. Anybody ever make a movie about Deborah? That's gotta be feminist. I do like the fact that his symbol for feminist is Fe, iron.

[Mabus]

Have to admit I did not immediately recognize the post's largely joking tone--and I'm still not sure, but then that's one of the areas in which I have always had trouble, all the way back to grade school.

mcc: "Legalism"? Is that code for Catholicism or something?

Having been on the receiving end of that one many times--no, not specifically. "Legalism" is shorthand for any belief system that acknowledges works as having some place in salvation. If you don't believe that "salvation is through faith alone", you are a "legalist". *headdesk* That's the core of the division between my church and the evangelicals, actually.

Regarding the darkness of "It's A Wonderful Life"...it occurs to me that the theme that makes it dark rings a familiar bell. The world is doomed to grow worse and worse without miraculous intervention from heaven. See also: Rapture, Tribulation.

[Mabus]

mcc: "Legalism"? Is that code for Catholicism or something?

Having been on the receiving end of that one many times--no, not specifically. "Legalism" is shorthand for any belief system that acknowledges works as having some place in salvation. If you don't believe that "salvation is through faith alone", you are a "legalist". *headdesk* That's the core of the division between my church and the evangelicals, actually.

Regarding the darkness of "It's A Wonderful Life"...it occurs to me that the theme that makes it dark rings a familiar bell. The world is doomed to grow worse and worse without miraculous intervention from heaven. See also: Rapture, Tribulation.

[Mabus]

Have to admit I did not immediately recognize the post's largely joking tone--and I'm still not sure, but then that's one of the areas in which I have always had trouble, all the way back to grade school.

mcc: "Legalism"? Is that code for Catholicism or something?

Having been on the receiving end of that one many times--no, not specifically. "Legalism" is shorthand for any belief system that acknowledges works as having some place in salvation. If you don't believe that "salvation is through faith alone", you are a "legalist". *headdesk* That's the core of the division between my church and the evangelicals, actually.

[Mabus]

Have to admit I did not immediately recognize the post's largely joking tone--and I'm still not sure, but then that's one of the areas in which I have always had trouble, all the way back to grade school.

(Legalism comment) Having been on the receiving end of that one many times--no, not specifically. "Legalism" is shorthand for any belief system that acknowledges works as having some place in salvation. If you don't believe that "salvation is through faith alone", you are a "legalist". *headdesk* That's the core of the division between my church and the evangelicals, actually.

Have to admit I did not immediately recognize the post's largely joking tone--and I'm still not sure, but then that's one of the areas in which I have always had trouble, all the way back to grade school.

[Mabus]

Have to admit I did not immediately recognize the post's largely joking tone--and I'm still not sure, but then that's one of the areas in which I have always had trouble, all the way back to grade school.

Regarding the darkness of "It's A Wonderful Life"...it occurs to me that the theme that makes it dark rings a familiar bell. The world is doomed to grow worse and worse without miraculous intervention from heaven. See also: Rapture, Tribulation.

[spinetingler]

Our Christmas Eve tv routine:
Charlie Brown Christmas
A Christmas Story

Bad Santa (unrated version)

[spinetingler]

hmm, I confused typepad with brackets.
Than should look more like this:

Our Christmas Eve tv routine:
Charlie Brown Christmas
A Christmas Story
-put kids to bed-
Bad Santa (unrated version)

[Mabus]

The other part, which was spam-filtered...

mcc: "Legalism"? Is that code for Catholicism or something?

Having been on the receiving end of that one many times--no, not specifically. "Legalism" is shorthand for any belief system that acknowledges works as having some place in salvation. If you don't believe that "salvation is through faith alone", you are a "legalist". *headdesk* That's the core of the division between my church and the evangelicals, actually.

[Vermic]

Is there anything more useless than an unhuggable teddy bear? Paging the Island of Misfit Toys: get another bungalow ready!

I'm surprised Movieguide rates It's a Wonderful Life so high, since it portrays a supernatural world with no explicit mention of Jesus (unless I'm misremembering). Sure, angels exist, but that doesn't rule out an Islamic or even Zoroastrian worldview.

[Brandi]

Not only no (TM), but no bolding at all? Scott, you're just taunting me!

Maybe Scott had a flashback to his tale of woe and was too overcome to cope with HTML tags.

I really, really want to see somebody try to commit murder with a Wiimote now.

I suppose you could try to throttle them with the Nunchuk setup, but I imagine the plugs would tend to work loose.

And why isn't The Nightmare Before Christmas on the list? ;)

It's more of a Halloween movie, despite the title?

As for It's a Wonderful Life, maybe I'll try watching it again someday, although the one time I did try I was somewhat depressed (and untreated for such) and rather quickly moved from "somewhat depressed" to "composing a suicide note now thx".

[Lisa Spadafora]

Speaking of, um, less traditional holiday classics...The Lion In Winter is my fave movie, and it is great fun to watch with friends at Christmas time, in the spirit of "And you thought holidays with your family were bad..."

As one of her sons tells the immortal Queen Eleanor about the joys of celebrating the holiday together, "I want to watch you go picnicking on one another."

[Tonio]

I was surprised to see Movieguide include "anti-Jewish worldview." Many fundamentalists warn of "secularist" cabals in Hollywood, the media and academia bent on destroying Christianity. Their rhetoric sounds like a redacted version of the notorious forgery "Protocols of the Elders of Zion," with "Jews" replaced by code phrases like "anti-Christian entertainment elite."

In his review of the remake of "Cat People," Harlan Ellison said that Schrader's films show a deep dislike for the human race. He said attributing this to Schrader's Calvinism was too easy, pointing to elements such as women in Schrader films being either virgins or whores and fathers being avenging angels.

[Richard Hershberger]

"@Richard Hershberger: "Left Behind" gym shorts and sweatpants...

no! no, you kid! must have!"

I would not kid about so serious a matter. The prices are even reasonable. Here is the exact URL, so you don't need to go searching:

http://www.oldlutheran.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Category_Code=LB

aka

http://preview.tinyurl.com/2vttev

[Chan]

Well, I don't think A Christmas Story is particularly Christian. It's all about Ralphie's desire for material goods, and one material good in particular. As I recall, the plot's tension ends when Ralphie's dad buys him the BB gun without consulting Ralphie's mom, so there's some marital strife and division there.

And CAPAlert thinks that Mary Poppins is its ideal movie. Mary Poppins. The woman who flies and can transport the kids to other planes of existence, as well as make the merry-go-round horses spring from their roots and take off over the countryside. Where I come from, we'd light her bloomers on fire as soon as she lit on our porches, for being a witch.

Not that it would be the proper response. Just sayin', CAPAlert is that much more crazy than you thought it was.

[Ursula L]

I was surprised to see Movieguide include "anti-Jewish worldview."

I suspect that their idea of "anti-Jewish worldview" has little to do with actually being "anti-Jewish" and has much to do with being anti a particularly Christian concept of what Jewish is.

I've heard some very strange ideas of what "Jewish" is coming from fundie types. The idea that Jews respect Jesus as a prophet. Or that the Jewish concept of "Messiah" is the same as the Christian concept, so that a Jew could see Jesus as fulfilling the OT prophecies as understood by Jews. A Jewish person would consider these types of ideas "anti-Jewish", while I suspect that the people who are doing these reviews would label something authentically Jewish (such as a film depicting Jesus as a villain, who lured Jews away from the Law, or which involved the actual Jewish understanding of "messiah") as "AB" because it fit their idea of "anti-Christian."

[Mabus]

I was surprised to see Movieguide include "anti-Jewish worldview." Many fundamentalists warn of "secularist" cabals in Hollywood, the media and academia bent on destroying Christianity. Their rhetoric sounds like a redacted version of the notorious forgery "Protocols of the Elders of Zion," with "Jews" replaced by code phrases like "anti-Christian entertainment elite."

Tonio, surely we all know by now that PMD types "favor" the Jews for their supposed role in prophecy, without any real liking for them.

[mmack]

With Richard Hershberger's post we @ Slacktivist now know what to get our favorite blogger for Christmas: One pair of "Left Behind" gym shorts and a custom made t-shirt featuring the phrase "A grave public danger to all the world's children" on the front.

Fred, please provide your waist and shirt size along with your favorite color (for the shirt) so we can send these to you post haste.

[Tonio]

The Crystal Teddy Bear was the wrong choice for the award. A better one would have to be one of those insufferable figurines from Precious Rodents, I mean Moments.

[JRoth]

My local arthouse is showing It's a Wonderful Life for FREE this week (how's that for ACap?). I'm taking my daughter tonight - it'll be the first theater movie she'll remember (she was too little to recall Wallace & Gromit & the Wererabbit). I can hardly wait.

[J]

Things:

1.) Am I the only person in the world (other than MovieGuide) who liked "Titan A.E"?

'Course, I'm the sort of person who increasingly wonders why non-animated films are worth making or watching.*

2.) The MovieGuide people strike me as the sort who would definitely sign up with the Oblation Board in The Golden Compass' world.

*Anyone else excited about Hiyao Miyazaki's Tales of Earthsea? It's Miyazaki, doing Le Guin!!! Every time I think about it, I have three to five spontaneous orgasms.

[Myriad]

With Richard Hershberger's post we @ Slacktivist now know what to get our favorite blogger for Christmas: One pair of "Left Behind" gym shorts and a custom made t-shirt featuring the phrase "A grave public danger to all the world's children" on the front.

Fred, please provide your waist and shirt size along with your favorite color (for the shirt) so we can send these to you post haste.

I am so down with that. I'd contribute to a group effort. =) I'd especially love it if we made a batch of the t-shirts, so I could have one, too.

[Otter]

(I tried Googling "crystal" + "teddy" + "bear," but all I got was a bunch of stories about Ted Haggard.)

It's not Friday--I wasn't ready for that. Now I have Diet Coke up my nose.

[Jim]

I'm not so sure the MovieGuide crowd would be opposed to Die Hard. It hits all the conservative movie cliches: having a black sidekick who doesn't do much makes you virtuous, the villains are leftists from Old Europe who are really just cynical rather than idealistic, government bureaucrats are stumbling boobs so that in the end "only one man can stop it." (In case you hadn't guessed, I'm not a huge fan of the movie. Shane is a better written version of that story, albeit with fewer explosions and one-liners.)

[Jim]

Tonio, surely we all know by now that PMD types "favor" the Jews for their supposed role in prophecy, without any real liking for them.

I think for "Jews" in the MovieGuide ratings you have to read "Israel." They don't care about the Jews as individuals, but are pro-Israel because it is important in the End Times(TM).

[LMM]

*Anyone else excited about Hiyao Miyazaki's Tales of Earthsea? It's Miyazaki, doing Le Guin!!! Every time I think about it, I have three to five spontaneous orgasms.

Given what happened the last time someone tried to make an Earthsea movie, I'm going with 'no'.

A Wizard of Earthsea was painful from start to finish, for those of you who didn't see it. For starters, in the books, nearly *all* of the characters are black.

[MikhailBorg]

J: I enjoyed Titan A.E. sufficiently. Didn't want my money back, or regret the time invested, and my girl and I referred to the Earth as "Planet Bob" for the next year or so.

As for the Miyazaki news, no, I had not heard about that. The eager drooling will commence shortly.

[arghous]

Angel trainees? And enough of them to become full-fledged every time a bell rings? And so non-cute that one would prefer the offer of virginal daughters over them? Doesn't sound very biblical to me. Better add Ab or AbAb to the list.

[Jim]

What confuses me is why they think Christians should avoid movies that are anti-American or internationalist. I believe that Christ in the New Testament was not that big on patriotism, render unto Caesar and all that. I believe he also commanded the Apostles to go and make the whole world his disciples. Shouldn't this mean that Chrisians should embrace a type of Christian internationalism? Their world view is really confusing.

I actually heard everybody's favorite ex-gay Ted Haggard explain in a television interview (I think this was before his cure, but he wasn't obviously on crystal meth or anything) that fundies were "nationalists" because they believe that the Antichrist will rise as a leader of the whole world, promising peace and brotherhood, and other things Jesus endorsed. It gets back to what
Fred said in an earlier Left Behind post: If the thing you are most frightened of is a wolf in sheep's clothing the best thing to do is (i) kill anything sheep-like, and (ii) embrace the wolf in wolf's clothing.

[Bugmaster]

Put me down for the Left Behind Apparel Fund as well. Especially that T-Shirt. Fred deserves it for all his hard work, or, I should say, mind-shattering sacrifice, involved in reading these horrible books.