The Invaders

The invaders are everywhere, spanning the globe from the Far East to even here, in the United States. More than a billion of them.

They are unruly, uncivilized, irrational. It's not considered "PC" to say so, but millions of them are simply incapable of reason. And history has taught us, again and again, that they cannot be controlled; they cannot be ignored; they cannot be denied.

They cannot be stopped.

Forgive me again for being politically incorrect, but most of these people couldn't survive without our largesse.

This is the cruelest irony. They cannot provide for themselves. They rely on us for protection and even for their basic needs. In a very real sense they wouldn't even exist without us. And yet they mean to replace us.

They're just biding their time, but look into their eyes and you can see their chilling vision of the future. Once we're out of the picture, they will rule the world.

And they're already making plans for that day.

We don't have a part to play in those plans.

We will all be dead.

I am speaking, of course, of the world's children.

Consider this an open thread for nightmares, Oedipal or otherwise.

Fear not. Don't panic. But if you have been: A) dumbstruck by fear; B) fearstruck by dumb; or C) driven up a wall by the way in which many of your fellow citizens are eager to exchange their rights, their privacy and their humanity due to simple panic, then please talk about it here rather than hijacking some other innocent thread. Thanks.

Comments

[delagar]

Plus, all of a sudden when they're about 12? They start thinking they're smarter than us!

[Kallisti]

God, you can be so wierd some times.

[cjmr]

My son's not anywhere near 12 and he already thinks he's smarter than me. Probably is, too.

But I have 29 years more experience at being a smartass.

[burgundy]

I'm trying to decide if "fearstruck by dumb" works better as a T-shirt, a bumpersticker, a blog title, an album title, or all four at once. I expect to quote it repeatedly in the coming election season.

[cjmr]

A T-shirt. Definitely a T-shirt. Bumper sticker would be good, too.

Fred, you really need to start a Cafe Press store to sell this stuff.

[hapax]

please talk about it here rather than hijacking some other innocent thread.

There are no innocent threads. Nay, not one.

Threads are born to flamewars as the sparks fly upwards.

[Karen]

I'm trying to decide if "fearstruck by dumb" works better as a T-shirt, a bumpsersticker, a blog title, an album title, or all four at once. It's a band name, burgundy, definitely a band name. They'll play at Antones on Tuesday nights.

I'm so far lucky. My two little invaders, ages six and nine, still think Mom has some interesting information, even if most of that information concerns food availability. At the moment, they are exercising their newfound skill at folding their own laundry while watching cartoons. Still, it had not escaped my notice that learning how to care for themselves is only the first step in their plan for world domination. Of course, they're going to have a really hard time with that "rule the world" thing, judging by their laundry skills.

[Elphaba]

People who steal shoes and carry around buckets of water are definitely out to get me.

[Karen]

Die, filthy italics!!

[Jesurgislac]

Italico delendi! (Is that the right spell? I've lost track.)

[Drak Pope]

Not even close. I mean, that doesn't even look like English, Jesu. You're slipping.

[Elphaba]

No, no: "Italics begone. In Jesus name I pray!"

[ninjanun]

If this is the thread to prevent hijacking other threads, I hope it's okay if I post this here.

Bugmaster had asked me about the website my spouse and some friends of his were working on, in which people could upload their work (literary, art, music, photography, etc.,) and get it reviewed and possibly make money from it. It was from the discussion under "LB: Two Swell Guys," concerning the general horribleness of fanfic, and how can unpublished authors get reviewed/make money and so forth. Since I think that thread has pretty much dwindled to nothingness, I hope it's okay if I post my reply here.

Bugmaster asks:
@ninjanun:
Can you explain a bit more about your business model ? Is it a professionally-reviewed content website ? If so, what happens to my poetry/art/music/interpretive dance videos once I post them -- are they released into public domain, do the owners of the site take control of the copyright, or what ? What kind of submissions are you looking for (i.e., do you have a particular theme in mind) ? And, ultimately, what is the difference between uploading my works to your site, versus creating my own website and installing Google AdSense or something like it there ?

My reply:
Bugmaster: I don't know if you or anyone else is still checking this thread for replies, but here is the FAQ page for the website. I got permission to share it, even though they're still in Alpha phase, so it's not near complete in terms of cohesive flow and such. Some links and formatting still don't work properly (don't use Internet Explorer, in other words). Only one of the guys wrote the FAQ, and they are still working on the wording of the page (some don't like the political/religious slant it seems to take) as well as arguing about the "rating system," but here is the link:

http://www.publiss.com/whatthefaq.html

I'd be interested to hear yours (or anyone else's) thoughts/suggestions on the site.

[Jesurgislac]

Just before Christmas, I went to the zoo with my best friend since forever and her six-year-old niece. It was really neat, because niece has just learned how to read well enough to read the signs about the animals, and as I am a complete fan of our local zoo, we spent a lot of time with her reading me the signs and then we'd talk about the animals. This may not sound like a lot of fun, but you had to be there. (Actually, I think we were boring her aunt. C'est la vie.)

But the thing that drove me nearly mad? Niece's reaction to practically any new piece of information is "I know!" It means "Now you've told me, I know!" I think. Territorial laying claim to information. (From what I remember of me when I was that age, it's also the sign of a very smart child who really hates to have things over-explained by the grown-ups.)

[Elphaba]

Personally I like threads with tangents and multiple conversations going on at once. But since it seems our proprietor disapproves, could someone help me understand what constitutes hijacking here? Because I fear I will be guilty of such if I don't know what is expected.

[Drak Pope]

Everytime she says "I know!" inappropriately, place your hand over her mouth (not hard, of course) and say "I get it!"

[ninjanun]

It somehow got taken off the FAQ, but to answer Bugmaster's question about the difference between this site and just posting your creative works to your own site and using Google AdSense, is that Bugmaster would have to generate traffic to his own site, whereas with Publiss you have a built-in community of people coming to the site, reviewing each other's works, etc. Built-in traffic.

And the guys would be interested in hearing your thoughts on what they've got so far (I'm not directly involved with the creation of the site, just to clear things up).

[julia]

Bless your heart, delagar, my twelve year old decided that years ago.

I'll admit that only recently have we had to set a house rule banning any snark that translates to "duh"

[Jeff]

I missed this line:
I am speaking, of course, of the world's children.
because otherwise? It sounds like cockroaches.

(Fred, if you thought I was calling children "cockroaches", apologies. As I say, I missed the most important bit of information.)

[hapax]

if you thought I was calling children "cockroaches", apologies.

I should think so. The correct terminology is "carpet commandos."

[hapax]

I'd be interested to hear yours (or anyone else's) thoughts/suggestions on the site.

ninjanun, I'll tell you flat-out I wouldn't be interested in either posting or visiting on this site because of the excessive emphasis on "appropriateness."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a big fan of smut (although small dollops can be lovely), and I'm demonstrably bad at writing it. And I do understand what the creators of this site are trying to avoid. (Rule 34, anyone?)

And yet, any site that places such incredible emphasis on "Hey! There might be kidz listening!" over "Hey! Here is some Good Stuff worth your time" has already lost my vote. I'm a grownup, and don't need a nanny. There are enough places in the world for "all-ages content" already, and far too many of them devolve to "juvenile."

My two cents.

[nieciedo]

The invaders can be stopped: http://www.vhemt.org/

Of course, there are other methods, perhaps supplementary to that above.

[ninjanun]

Hey hapax! Thanks for the feedback; I shared it with my better half, and he said, "yeah, the person who originally wrote the FAQ is no longer with us..." and basically said he agrees with you, and they're working on how to resolve those exact issues (how to get around rule #34, or if it's even necessary) and re-write the FAQ so it doesn't focus so much on that. I think a lot of the "first line of defense" stuff should focus more on making sure the work being posted is not plagiarized or otherwise ripped off or stolen.

There's a reason it's still in Alpha phase, and that's due to fixing broken/spaghetti code (courtesy of The Guy Who Left), general aesthetic issues, and the like.

He also says if anyone else has any feedback, he would welcome and appreciate it (and could more easily share it with the other site builders) and you can leave feedback either on the contact page or by e-mailing them directly at support[at]publiss.com

ON TOPIC Every time I think I may possibly want to have kids, I remember this commercial and decide against.

[Cat]

Fred, in actuality children predate the human race as we know it by twelve to fourteen years. We have evidence that Shakespeare's son was a child, and children may have infiltrated a number of European royal families. Some depictions--albeit centuries after the fact--suggest that Jesus may have been an ex-child, although he always exhibited some kind of morbid fondness for them that suggests to me he remained a child sympathizer. But they're really more of a nuisance than an outright threat.

That said, I wouldn't want one living next to me. But I've noticed that some people are quite opposed to prevention efforts, and it's very frowned upon to recoil or run from one, even when it's got stuff running out of it.

It's good to be able to talk about this stuff with people who understand.

[ninjanun]

Oh, hapax: the husband-type man is changing the FAQ page based on your feedback! woohoo!

[Vermic]

To quote Homer Simpson, "I believe that children are our future ... unles we stop them now!"

[Tonio]

After seeing a Veggie Tales tape at my in-laws' home, my children were playing a game in the car spotting things they saw out the windows. One of them makes a comment about the idea of thanking God for the world. (Keep in mind that our own home is not a religious one - the closest we come to religion is Phyllis Root's "Big Momma Makes the World.") My wife asks who God is, to see how much our children know. The child says God made the world. I held my breath for a second when I heard that. My qualm about Veggie Tales is that teaches virtues as God's wishes and I want my children to learn to value those virtues on their own merits instead of spending their adulthoods stuck at Kohlberg's second stage of moral development. But then my child says, "There's no God in Veggie Tales!"

[Dash]

If you can scare up an old copy of Oral Sadism and the Vegetarian Personality subtitled "Readings from the Journal of Polymorphous Perversity," the chapter on "The Etiology and Treatment of Childhood" is delightful. Characteristics of the syndrome include congenital onset, dwarfism, emotional lability and immaturity, knowledge deficits, and legume anorexia.

Portion of a case study: "Billy J, age 8, was brought to treatment by his parents. Billy's affliction was painfully obvious. He stood only 4'3" high and weighed a scant 70 pounds, despite the fact that he ate voraciously. Billy presented a variety of troubling symptoms. His voice was noticeably high for a man. He displayed legume anorexia and, according to his parents, often refused to bathe.... His parents reported that his condition had been present from birth, improving gradually after he was placed in a school at age 5. The diagnosis was 'primary childhood.' After years of painstaking treatment, Billy improved gradually. At age 11, his height and weight have increased, his social skills are broader, and he is now functional enough to hold down a 'paper route.'"

ninjanun: Every time I think I may possibly want to have kids, I remember this commercial and decide against.

Thanks for posting that link. Not only is it a good commercial, but it's fun watching a child actor who seems to be really enjoying playing his role.

[Zonko]

They say there's a child inside each of us, just waiting to get out.
Like in Alien.

Guys, I'm really, really scared. There's an invader doing something in the bathtub. I keep hearing splashing and screaming and other noises, but I'm afraid to go in there. It's been in there for a good half-hour. Should I call the police?

[sulis]

[cynicism: on] The men I've dated who are most eager to have children tend to be those are not interested in the day-to-day, hands-on, dull, frustrating, and messy aspects of raising actual children. They expect that I, having that double-x thingie, will be only too happy to cloister myself as a full-time mom. (There are women who can do that, and more power to them, but it elicits panic in me.) Both men and women alike on the Breeders!Now! patrol insist that I will "feel differently when I have one of my own". Since I don't want one of my own, this seems like too big a risk for the well-being of any potential offspring; children should be planned for, wanted, and cared for by those who really like being around them.

I've also noticed that the men who want their [future] spouse to be a full-time mommy tend to be quick to make nasty remarks about women who don't look like impeccably groomed -- child-free -- pinups. This seems like too big a risk for the well-being of any potential offspring as well. [cynicism: off]

[Turcano]

I missed this line: I am speaking, of course, of the world's children. because otherwise? It sounds like cockroaches.

Don't feel bad. I thought it was cockroaches too. Maybe I've been reading too much Terry Pratchett. Assuming that's possible.

[Zonko]

To be fair, cockroaches would exist without us, as they did long before some ape fell out of a tree and decided maybe a cave was a good idea.
Not in such numbers, I would imagine, but they're not going to go extinct if we all died/raptured/turned into vampires or something.

Really, cockroaches are a lot more impressive than children at the whole survival gig. Humanity has an apocalypse? Cockroaches keep on crawling. Children? Not so much.

[Vermic]

I do like to think, though, that if there were a cockroach apocalypse, humans would survive it. Heck, we might not even notice for some time.

[ninjanun]

I'm still waiting for the cockroach rapture.

Seriously, do cockroaches serve any biological function that benefits the rest of the planet?

[burgundy]

Seriously, do cockroaches serve any biological function that benefits the rest of the planet?

Garbage disposal? It's pretty dang important. Gross, often enough, but not nearly as gross as it would be if no one was doing it. (I do wish there were some way to let them know that I've got waste disposal pretty well in hand, thank you, so there is no need for any assistance. My current apartment has been blessedly roach-free, at least on the inside, but I know I can't count on that if I should ever move.)

[ninjanun]

But don't worms serve that function?

[sulis]

"I'm still waiting for the cockroach rapture."

Now there's an image! Imagine, suddenly and without warning, millions of cockroach representatives of all ~3500 species being "caught up in the air". How would such an event be perceived by the rigidly devout? Would Buck think to file a story?

[Praline]

You know what's a good book about moral panics? Satan's Silence by Debbie Nathan and Mike Snedeker.

It's a book of investigative journalism about the 'Satanic Panic' in 1980s America, where the whole nation became convinced that Satanists were kidnapping children in daycare centres, subjecting them to bizarre sexual abuse (including things like attacking them with lions, flying in airplanes, and walking through walls). The way the actual evidence goes - no physical injuries, children perfectly willing to go to daycare until parents and investigators started saying 'Tell me the bad things that happen there' - the real problem was careless investigative techniques: social workers under the impression that children will deny abuse unless pushed pushing children to talk about abuse until they gave in just to get some peace. If you read the transcripts, there are disturbing amounts of 'Just tell me he touched your pee-pee and then you can go home.' Also, the book suggests, partly the result of a social policy that didn't want to look at how poverty had an impact on the likelihood of abuse, and a right-wing aversion to considering that the state might have some right to intervene in the sovereign family, where most abuse actually takes place.

Highly recommended. One of the journalists, Debbie Nathan, features as a commentator in the movie Capturing the Friedmans, also very good...

[scottbot's_secret_fear]

In cyberspace nobody cares when you SHRIEK.

Scottbot's secret fear, not yet sent to postsecret (which unreasonably discriminates against simulacrums), is that no will ever tax Scottbot the way Scott does.

[scottbot's_secret_shame]

'no ONE will ever'

Scottbot's secret shame remains the lack of an integrated text checking subroutine, with highly correlated heuristic previewing methodologies. Because as buffed as Scottbot may be, a bit more polish in the old idiom chamber would be helpful in world conquest.

[Caravelle]

Or, as Quino said in a Mafalda cartoon :

Felipe : looking exited Mafalda ! I've just realized something !
Mafalda : What is it, Felipe ?
Felipe : In twenty years all the adults will be old or dead, and only we children will be left ! CHILDREN WILL RULE THE WORLD !!!
Mafalda : Felipe, in twenty years we will be adults.
Felipe : ... Dammit !!!

[Jos]

All this panic over children taking over the world is just plain ridiculous. We all know there already is a widespread movement dedicated to making sure children don't take over the world.

So join the Abortionist Army today to ensure a safer world.

[Caravelle]

To be fair, cockroaches would exist without us, as they did long before some ape fell out of a tree and decided maybe a cave was a good idea.

Interestingly, this might not be true in high latitudes. Cockroaches are apparently tropical creatures who need central heating to get through the winter.

Sadly I haven't found a subtitled version of this video, so you won't be able to experience its awesomeness :p

[Jos]

Well, if it's not the cockroaches who're gonna outlive us it'll be the water bears.

Those dudes can survive in outer space for crying out loud.

[Chris]

Maybe Nicolae masterminded the "Rapture" to save mankind from this imminent threat?

[Praline]

But since it seems our proprietor disapproves, could someone help me understand what constitutes hijacking here?

I wouldn't presume to put words in Fred's mouth, so I'm only going on personal guesswork here. I'd say it was something along the lines of 'Attacking, more or less out of nowhere, a group or institution that has nothing to do with the subject under discussion, in such a way that the people of this site, who have fairly lenient ideas about what constitutes trolling anyway, feel obliged to respond, and get sucked into an argument about whether there is or is not a conspiracy/evil thing out there, in the course of which argument, members of society who may not even here to defend themselves have some paranoid/offensive things said about them.'

I should say, at this point, that I haven't been keeping up with all the posts of the last few days, so I'm not attacking anyone in particular with that suggestion, but I've seen threads go that way sometimes.

Sound right/wrong to anyone else? :-)

[Froborr]

Ugh, can't stand the little chestbursters. Seriously, people, stop it! We've got enough children for a while! Go learn to paint or something.

I was very amused to learn that Disney World's best restaurant just banned the little goblins.

[Geds]

Sound right/wrong to anyone else? :-)

Way to sum up the comments in L.B. Imperio, there, Praline. Also, in case you're wondering, rejecting the premise of some random commentors unwarranted attack = support for all things ugly and evil in the (aforementioned random commentor's) world...

[Patrick]

Children? I figured you were talking about cats.

[McJulie]

re: Satanic Panic (and Left Behind)

One thing I've long found disturbing is the complete lack of a BS filter in mainstream Christian culture. Granted, it's been a while since I was part of that culture, but it seemed to me that people would believe anything anyone said as long as it was in a certain religious context.

I suppose it's a bit of self-sorting: anyone sufficiently skeptical is eventually going to leave the church anyway.