L.B.: In these shoes?

Left Behind, pg. 411

In a rare display of economy and pacing, we skip directly from Chloe's midflight conversion to this at the beginning of the next chapter:

Buck called New Hope Village Church to set up an early evening meeting with Bruce Barnes, then spent most of the afternoon at the Chicago bureau of Global Weekly.

This is a remarkably streamlined transition and a radical, but welcome, departure from the pattern of the book so far. Sure, the first two words of Chapter 23 are "Buck called," but we're not forced to sit through a transcript of that phone call even though it would have been a chance to name-check Loretta. We're also not forced to slog through all the logistics of the remainder of the flight from New York, the landing in Chicago, Buck's getting off the plane, his choice of rental car and drive into the city, etc.

This might be further confirmation of my theory that Jerry Jenkins took a breather just after typing Chapter 21 and, for the first and only time, skimmed through the preceding finished pages. Maybe he learned from that. Maybe he thought to himself, "Hmmm, I've expended a great deal of ink so far on the minutiae and logistics of travel, which does nothing to advance the story or the characterization." If he did realize as much, of course, he was still Jerry Jenkins -- so he wasn't going to go back and rewrite any of the earlier pages, but maybe he decided to try to do less of this from now on. Or perhaps he was just getting lazy, trying to spare himself a bit of work and -- as a happy side effect -- sparing us readers some extra tedium as well.

In any case, here we are at the Chicago office:

News of his becoming their boss has swept the place, and he was greeted with coolness by Lucinda Washington's former assistant, a young woman in sensible shoes.

Global Weekly apparently conducts its internal business in accordance with its journalistic motto: "We won't tell anyone." Why send out a memo announcing Steve Plank's departure and Buck's promotion? Some form of the news will eventually get around to everyone through the office gossip grapevine.

"Sensible shoes" is, of course, a cue that we're supposed to dislike this young woman. Only two kinds of women exist in Left Behind. They can be, like Lucinda Washington, a madonna. Or they can be, like this young woman, the other kind. "Sensible shoes," for LaHaye and Jenkins, means "unladylike shoes," and all women who are not ladies are whores.

The misogyny is palpable, but we've had plenty of opportunity to explore that before now, so let's set aside for the moment L&J's warped understanding of gender and consider instead their warped understanding of footwear. The authors seem to imagine all of their lady madonnas dressed like Donna Reed. Even their maternal stereotypes like Lucinda Washington are walking around in impractical high heels. Their whores meanwhile -- a category that includes not just supposed flirts like Hattie, but all female executives and single women -- are apparently all wearing "sensible shoes." They seem to think of comfortable flats as slutty. Does that mean they would consider a pair of four-inch stilleto-heeled stripper shoes to be matronly?

Jenkins continues his thumbnail sketch of this ladder-climbing young trollop:

She told him in no uncertain terms, "Plank did nothing about replacing Lucinda, so I assumed I would move into her slot."

Her attitude and presumption alone made Buck say, "That's unlikely, but you'll be the first to know. I wouldn't be moving offices just yet."

If there's one thing Cameron Williams can't abide it's presumptuous young people trying to buck authority. Except, of course, for himself. "Buck" is, after all, a masculine nickname.

Both Buck and she-Buck here are, yet again, acting like they work for Global Quarterly. Lucinda Washington disappeared 9 days ago. Since then, at least two final publication deadlines would have come and gone. Jenkins lacks any sense of the relentless urgency of a weekly production schedule. Whether or not Buck wants to accept it, this young woman already got a battlefield promotion the day that Lucinda disappeared. The battle doesn't stop just because the lieutenant got killed. The sergeant takes over without waiting for word from central command and the mission continues.

The same dynamic would have occurred in every institution that didn't have the luxury of shutting down for a week or two in the aftermath of The Event. There would be first-year interns in charge of emergency rooms, rookie deputies stepping in as acting sheriffs. Every mayor, marshal and manager who had disappeared, died or crawled into the fetal position would have been replaced, out of sheer necessity, within hours of The Event.

The characters in LB are all behaving eerily blaise blase about the disappearances, as though The Event were something they had all read about in history books instead of a world-altering trauma they had actually experienced less than two weeks ago, but that's not how any of this would really play out. Nine days after The Event, none of those assistants thrust into leadership roles would yet have had a full night's sleep. They'd all be wearing sensible shoes, the same clothes they had on yesterday and the day before, and the bedraggled, frantic look of those surviving on adrenaline and necessity instead of food and sleep. Suddenly over their heads with others relying on them, they would either have learned to swim or they'd have drowned, replaced immediately by someone with even less experience.

If it takes the generals and the other higher-ups nine days before they even begin talking about sending replacements and reinforcements to carry out the necessary function of their now-missing lieutenants, then those useless REMFs deserve to be "greeted with coolness" by those who never abandoned their posts.

Buck's response above is essentially to inform this young woman that he expects her to continue carrying out all of Lucinda's duties and responsibilities indefinitely, at her previous pay grade, without any formal increase in her authority to carry out those tasks and without even a trace of support or gratitude from her new boss. This is yet another example of one of our supposed heroes behaving despicably as the authors give each other high-fives and celebrate the way Buck put this uppity, sensible-shoed bitch in her place.

These are truly awful people.

Comments

[Elmo]

All of the people who disappeared were able to disappear without disrupting anything except mechanical devices which were unable to control themselves. Presumably, the people who were raptured really didn't matter much and the falling airplanes, runaway trains, and uncontrolled nuclear reactors were no different from what happens when a tornado, tsunami, hurricane, or Bridge of San Luis Rey falls.

[Joe Smith]

Did the lesbian/slut/bitch assistant get a name in the book, or was it just dropped from the summary page here? If they didn't even bother to give her a name before having Buck smack her down and put her in her place, that probably communicates all the misogyny you need to know about the authors without discussing her footwear at all.

Verna Zee. "Ms. Zee", sounds like "Missy."

[Joe Smith]

"I concur. That was the first thing the popped into my mind: a neon sign over her head flashing "DYKE! DYKE! DYKE!" Though in the US, I think the idiom is slightly different: "Woman In Comfortable Shoes" (according to Good Morning Vietnam and a local public-access-channel sitcom called Blood, Sweat, and Beers)."

LOL. "Women in Comfortable Clogs Alliance" = WICCA.

Formerly "White Introverted Chubby Chicks Association"

[Quin]

because any woman's shoe that counts as "dressy" or "non-sensible" will pinch eventually. Feet just don't taper around the toes that way. Sensible shoes are foot-shaped - think athletic shoes or, yes, combat boots.

Really? I've got a lovely pair of square-toed dress flats that don't pinch at all. They're a nightmare to find, but shoes like that do exist. Occasionally.

(Also, I doubt LaJenkins have any idea whatsoever about women's shoes and probably label all flats "sensible". And probably never thought to ask their wives, who in any event are probably the Irene types who would never admit to having ever worn sensible, "unladylike" shoes.)

[Dude]

Steph wins. Flawless victory.

And sensible shoes girl is totally Meg from Family Guy.

[Cactus Wren]

The key to Verna, aside from her dyke-shoes, is the line "Plank did nothing about replacing Lucinda, so I assumed I would move into her slot." See, it's not a woman's place to assume anything. Certainly not to assume a role of power or authority until-and-unless she's Told To. Verna should have sat tight, neatly handled all the responsibilities that fell on her, and then when a man came along to assume the leadership, politely and humbly stepped back to her proper (subordinate) place, expecting no more thanks than a clipped "Good work, Verna" (which she would acknowledge with a faint ladylike blush).

Oh, and Fred: "blaise" == "blasé"?

[Cactus Wren]

Oh, and Steph: Marry me.

even though it would have been a chance to name-check Loretta.

Bob was there, too.

[Cyllan]

I feel the need to bleach my eyeballs after reading that excerpt. Thanks, aunursua. What strikes me (and I realize that it's been said time and again) is just how self-congratulating these books are. It's just vile.

[Sarah Jane]

I gotta go with Fraser on this one -- I bought into the madonna/whore dichotomy back when we were first analyzing these characters, but I'm not convinced anymore. I think that when it comes to women, LaJenkins are much more fascinated with submission than sex.

High heels are idealized NOT because of a sexual fetish, but because (like the stereotyped 50s housewife) they favor a man's preference over a woman's comfort. Hattie -- I'm coming to believe -- isn't naughty because she would have slept with Rayford if given the chance (I think Rayford is really supposed to be that irresistable), but because she gets bitchy and uncooperative when he tries to break things off and "apologise" for himself. Verna (that's her name, right?) here takes a couple of cheap shots for being a lesbian, but her real sin is having her own opinion instead of immediately yielding to Buck.

Oh, this is a creepy book!!!

Everyone is erroneously assuming that the implicit criticism in "sensible shoes" is in the "sensible" modifier, and not the shoes themselves.

Real, True Christian women are barefoot. Shoes are only a temptation to leave the house.

[Lucia]

The characters in LB are all behaving eerily blaise...

Is that blaise as in Pascal, he of the wager?

Sorry, couldn't resist. Doffing copy-editor hat now. I'm just jealous cuz I'll never top Steph or Praline. (I am wearing slippers, one with a hole in the toe, if anyone cares.)

[Bugmaster]

Hahahaha I love the New World Order emblem on Nicky's podium in Steph's drawing ! Crab claws ! Steph is my new deity of choice.

[Spalanzani]

Bugmaster: "Steph is my new deity of choice."

This reminds me of how in high school, me and some of my friends briefly started up a Cult of Steve, Steve being the secret 4th member of the Trinity (the logic was that if you could have three persons in one God, you could have four people in a trinity). It was also the name of the janitor. Anyway, I was worshipping Steve/Steph long before it became cool!

Oh yeah, and the drawing are awesome.

[Bugmaster]

Oddly enough, high heels are a turn-off for me (ladies, take note !). I don't know why people find them sexy. I guess it's consistent with my overall lack of BSDM-esque tendencies.

[twig]

I thought high heels were idealized because they make your calves look good. Or something. Most of the women I know who wear them do like to, and like how they look in them, and have said as much when we get into footwear conversations.

I think I'd like how my feet look in New Rock Boots, but that would take a tax bracket jump.

[Chuck]

Bugmaster: high heels are a turn-off for me (ladies, take note !). I don't know why people find them sexy.

I have the same reaction to pointy-toed shoes. Feet aren't shaped that way! Not only are they obviously uncomfortable, but why on earth would you think they're good-looking?

[Froborr]

High heels, according to most explanations I've seen, increase the apparent lengths of a woman's legs relative to her overall height, which in humans is an effect that normally occurs at the onset of sexual maturity. Thus, it is a way of over-triggering a subconscious system for distinguishing fertile from infertile females.

[aunursa]

Spalanzani: This reminds me of how in high school, me and some of my friends briefly started up a Cult of Steve, Steve being the secret 4th member of the Trinity (the logic was that if you could have three persons in one God, you could have four people in a trinity).

I like that. I'm going to use that when debating theology with Christians.

[damnedyankee]

If he did realize as much, of course, he was still Jerry Jenkins -- so he wasn't going to go back and rewrite any of the earlier pages, but maybe he decided to try to do less of this from now on.

Of course, at this point, we've already been so bludgeoned by the endless minutiae that it's really like having the guy who was savagely beating you with a billy club suddenly switch to a birch rod for the last few strokes.

[jeh]

Wow, at these they didn't focus on the type of brassiere she wears (or whether she does). Now that would be creepy from the LB authors--even though I've heard "professionals" make some truly outrageous comments about such things in the workplace.

[Joe Smith]

Re: Heels

I figure because they make you look like you're lying down when you're standing up.

[Ursula L]

In addition to what Frobarr said, high heals also force you to walk swaybacked to balance - and this tends to exaggerate both the chest and the bottom.

The whole issue of women's shoes really irks me - I've lost jobs because I can't find "professional" shoes that fit - but can't/won't get a doctors note saying I need "medical" shoes, since my feet remain healthy, since I will only buy and wear shoes that fit properly. (Plus, I don't need foot problems to become a pre-existing condition for health insurance purposes - what would happen if I developed actual problems later?)

[Froborr]

Ursula L: You have actually lost a job because of your *shoes*? That's... there are no words for that. It fills me with both rage and pity at the stupidity of your employers.

...Then again, I think clothes are overall pretty dumb. Weather appropriateness has its point, and they can be useful as decoration for mate-seeking purposes, but otherwise, I really don't understand why we can't all just sit around naked in our climate-controlled cubicles, instead of constrained and constricted and itchified by all this fabric.

Totally unrelated, but this comic made me think of the LB God: http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=336

[Geds]

I have the same reaction to pointy-toed shoes. Feet aren't shaped that way! Not only are they obviously uncomfortable, but why on earth would you think they're good-looking?

See, whenever I see those really pointy shoes I think, "Man, I would hate to get kicked in the nuts by those things." Which, I guess, could be the point of that type of shoe in the first place. "Leave me alone or I'll make you hurt!"

In addition to what Frobarr said, high heals also force you to walk swaybacked to balance - and this tends to exaggerate both the chest and the bottom.

I saw a clip of a Jeff Foxworthy routine where he basically made all of those points at once, then got on his tip-toes, stuck his butt out and walked around the stage. It was completely hilarious.

[Geds]

I really don't understand why we can't all just sit around naked in our climate-controlled cubicles, instead of constrained and constricted and itchified by all this fabric.

Look at a hairy, lumpy, smelly person somewhere nearbly. Then imagine that person naked.

You have your answer.

I mean, yeah, if all women looked like Olivia Wilde and all men looked like Brad Pitt or something I could totally see it. But there are plenty more Tom Arnolds and Rosie O'Donnells out there...

[Technomad]

Personally, I pay little attention to women's shoes---my best-beloved never wears anything but flats, and that's fine with me. I'd far, far rather have her comfortable than not; I can remember just how painful bad shoes can be (got dragged off on a twenty-mile hike in new, not-broken-in boots---long story) Even for my own selfish reasons, I prefer not to have to deal with her being justifiably cranky.

I think that a lot of the bad world-building in these books comes from the fact that LaHaye and Jenkins, and their core fandom, have a distorted idea of how the world works. Most "RTCs" of the L+J variety are, themselves, a long, long way from being movers-and-shakers...RTC-style Christianity is more a phenomenon of the lower socio-economic strata.

At a real "New Hope Village Church," you'd be a lot likelier to find people who work low-level blue-collar jobs than, say, doctors, lawyers, or (dare I say it? Why not?) airline pilots. I'm not saying that there aren't exceptions to this rule, but in general, that's what you'll find.

Given this, the authors' ignorance of how things would work at a "Global Weekly" is understandable. Most of what little they know of such things comes from such unimpeachable sources as WKRP in Cincinnati, and like that. How would they know about how a major weekly newsmagazine works, anyway?

And all this is happening only NINE FREAKING DAYS after the disappearances? Come ON! Now, if L+J were more subtle writers, they could have had only a very few people disappear...you know, the "saving remnant," and all that---and their fanbase could hug themselves and think that in that better world, they would have disappeared, while all us unregenerate types who don't believe as they do would be...Left Behind!!! *Ominous organ chords*

Jim Peron (Google him; I don't know how to put in links) has written about when he was a RTC himself. He and his fellow congregants would ride past the rich people's mansions in their rickety second-hand church-owned school buses, congratulating themselves that they, at least, were saved, and those rich folks would be damned.

[Scorpio]

I suspect that "sensible shoes" = Birkenstocks or Earth Shoes = liberal "hippies".

Of course nuns wear sensible shoes, not stilettos. Except in deluded fantasies, nurses wear sensible shoes. It is the line above that makes it seem that Madonnas wear stilettos or go-go boots. And yes, of course Buck (and Rayford) are oblivious, uncaring and ungrateful for the underlings to keep the world going. They are Men. Real Men expect women to make the world turn while they preen, ponder and pontificate. Bleah.

[Dorothy]

Ray and Buck are enough to make anyone look at the sapphic possibilities with an reconsidering eye. - Praline

There is always the third alternative:

She Buck--he Buck--a--we Buck
I Buck--you Buck--a--they Buck
Be Buck--be Buck--a--lu--she Buck,
I hope he will understand

[MikhailBorg]

Dorothy, you're so unusual.

[Dan]

Maybe I'm just too simple. I assumed he wrote "sensible shoes" because he's not creative enough to come up with a better description, and so grabbed the first thing that popped to mind. All this "he chose 'shoes' as code for this and that. . ." - I think it's giving Jenkins way too much credit. It implies he actually put some thought into his work.

[damnedyankee]

Another possibility: Maybe he meant the shoes to imply dowdiness. Clearly, she's one of those man-hating feminists who fail to swoon in the presence of the radiating Manly Manliness that men like Buck exude from every pore. So of course she must be unattractive and wears no makeup, because, y'know, that's what feminists look like.

Just another theory from the peanut gallery. Now hand me that trepanation drill and brain bleach. Speculation on what's going on inside the heads of LaJenkins requires cleansing.

[Drak Pope]

I really don't understand why we can't all just sit around naked in our climate-controlled cubicles,

Because not everyone has the figure to pull off nudity, and why subject random strangers to some of the shit that clothes currently cover up?

[Ursula L]

The sensible shoes complaint may also be related to the idea of the horrible possibility of women considering their own welfare.

The "norm" in society is for women to wear a certain type of shoe. A woman who wants "sensible" shoes (shoes that fit well, shoes that are comfortable, shoes that provide good support) has to go out of her way to find them. It takes effort.

(I have met women who hav never considered that their feet could be comfortable - they thought it was an inevetable matter of age and being a woman to have feet that hurt, because they had been surrounded by the expectation that you would wear "attractive" shoes for their entire lives. Women who were amazed when I dragged them along when I did my one-new-pair-of-shoes-every-two-years shoe shopping, (that rare because such shoes are so expensive and hard to find) because we went to a store where their feet were measured, and they were brought shoues that fit. Women who said with sincere shock "my feet don't hurt!" because it had been years since that had happened.)

And it is purely selfish effort. A woman who wears "sensible" shoes is considering her own comfort, the health of her feet and back, her ability to move with ease. She's rejecting what other people, and society at large, expect from her. She is spending extra money on herself (sensible shoes aren't cheep, and can't be found at Payless) rather than on others, or on decorating herself to please others.

It takes assertiveness, as well. You have to recognize your own need, and speak up for it. You have to seek out stores that have at least some suitable shoes, and demand that the salespeople find the shoes you want, not the ones they want to sell you.

L&J are men who idealize women who think nothing of their own welfare. Women are supposed to be housewives who cook and clean, mothers who have child after child and raise them perfectly, nurses who tend selflessly, secretaries who anticipate their boss's every need, etc. And do all that while being visually pleasing to every male who sees them, while also allowing their sexuality to be completely controlled by the appropriate men in their lives (virgin daughters who obey their father until turned over to a husband for whom they are a fertile wife.)

[borealys]

Ugh. I agree with Chuck about pointy-toed shoes. They're hideous! I don't think spike heels are ugly, just uncomfortable, which is why my totally hot spike-heeled leather boots have never seen the inside of a nightclub and never will. They are only worn on occasions where I know I'm going to be able to sit down for much of the evening. I own high-heeled (round-toed) dress shoes and I like them. But pointy shoes? Ugh. Uncomfortable *and* ugly. I've got big feet as it is, last thing I want is to make them look even longer (and misshapen).

Anyone here remember Roald Dahl's book The Witches? I read it when I was seven, and I still remember the most reliable way to identify a witch in that book: her shoes. Because witches have square toes, see, so they can only wear sensible shoes, never pretty, fun, ladylike shoes. So, if you see a woman in non-pointy shoes, not only is she an uppity, ball-busting lesbian, SHE'S A WITCH!

[damnedyankee]

She turned me into a newt!

...

I got better...

[twig]

Mentioning Roald Dahl near Left Behind just gave me whiplash.

[Lauren]

I think Fred is reading a bit too much into the "sensible shoes" issue. In the RTC world, good women are all alike, but every fallen woman is fallen in her own way.

More bad writing: who would actually describe taking over as "moving into her slot"? Her slot? Can anyone out there imagine actually saying that?
"Good news! I was moved into a better slot!"
"I don't understand why they haven't filled that slot in accounting yet."
"Jack will be moving into my slot while I'm away."

[Tonio]

And/or stand-ins for every woman who's shot down L&J in their lifetimes? That's the usual brain-dead macho comeback, IIRC.

I wasn't suggesting that motive at all. I was pointing out the resemblance between the hateful stereotypes of lesbians as butch on one hand, and L&J's attempt to shoehorn (yuk yuk) women into certain molds based on their twisted agenda. I was suggesting that the resemblance may be coincidental.

But Scorpio's hippie theory has some merit. This may be all connected - after all, feminists have been unjustly bashed over the years as butch weirdos.

High heels, according to most explanations I've seen, increase the apparent lengths of a woman's legs relative to her overall height, which in humans is an effect that normally occurs at the onset of sexual maturity.

I thought it was simply that high heels distend the leg muscles and thus make the legs appear shapelier.

[JessicaR]

I think "sensible shoes" is coded, loaded word choice on Jenkin's part. It's important to remember that he pretty much never uses description, at all "Young Robert Redford" is as detailed as it's got. So to actually notice something a character is wearing and to comment on it means it's time to hamfistedly judge them for it too. She's not just a bitch, she's a sensible shoes wearing lesbian femminist bitch ball buster. God knows what he would think of my shoe choices, I go around in sneakers at work, but I love to dress up in pumps and strappy heeled sandals when the occasion calls for it. Not the latter aren't the most comfortable but they're not foot binding either. They're, shock, horror, what I choose to wear and make me happy.

[ohiolibrarian]

I've always thought that "sensible shoes" refer to those black, lace-up shoes with the short heel that for decades were worn by elderly ladies. To see examples, I recommend movies as diverse as Arsenic and Old Lace or the recent movie of The Producers.

[jamoche]

A woman who wants "sensible" shoes (shoes that fit well, shoes that are comfortable, shoes that provide good support) has to go out of her way to find them. It takes effort.

Only if you also include that they have to be "dressy" or at least not casual. Me, I get by just fine in Reeboks and Doc Martens. Yay Silicon Valley :)

[Chris]

@Geds: I can't believe I would be bothered by anyone's ugliness, as long as it stayed shy of actual deformity. I am rather happy about wearing clothes, though. I'm too self-conscious to want to be seen naked, even if it wouldn't matter.

The whole shoe thing is just... urgh.

[damnedyankee]

I wasn't suggesting that motive at all.

Oh, no, I didn't mean to imply that you were. I was just struck at that moment by recalling many a drunken lout rationalizing a woman's somehow resisting his, er, charms by loudly telling his friends that she must be a lesbian.

[Cynic Sage]

It's official, Steph rules.

[Ken]

Edward, Oh no read the excerpted link were she's smacked around for pages for having the nerve, the *nerve*, to not love and worship Buck. -- JessicaR

Sounds to me like ol' Buck Jenkins is indulging in a little Author's Wish Fulfillment. I wonder if Da Dyke is patterned after somebody in his past he didn't like?

Considering the four-inch stiletto-heeled tangent of this thread, Jessica R, it'd be a real kicker if the "R" in your name/alias stood for "Rabbit" and you had a husband named "Roger".

High heels, according to most explanations I've seen, increase the apparent lengths of a woman's legs relative to her overall height, which in humans is an effect that normally occurs at the onset of sexual maturity. Thus, it is a way of over-triggering a subconscious system for distinguishing fertile from infertile females. -- Froborr

In other words, it's a form of Mating Display by exaggeration.
Like Bazooms of Doom, Steroid Wonder Pecs, or codpieces.

[Ursula L]

Only if you also include that they have to be "dressy" or at least not casual. Me, I get by just fine in Reeboks and Doc Martens. Yay Silicon Valley :)

Depends on the feet. Doc Martins aren't wide enough in the toe for me. And there is exactly one model of Reebok that fits - I have to make a special trip to the Reebok outlet to get it, ordinary shoe stores rarely carry that version.

For anthing but sneekers (which have been Reekbok Classic 1000s since I was 15 - I always go back to the same style, nothing else works) I tend to have to go with the birkinstock "Footprints" line - which gets me clunky lace up shoes that fit like a dream, but which people who are wanting a woman to "dress professional" call "sneekers" and say I'm violating dress codes by wearing. And these require finding an actual Birkinstock store to buy, they aren't in the typical mall stores.

I can't wear rounded toes, or even square toes. The widest point of my foot is at the end of my toes - I need shoes that continually widen from toe to heel.

It's an effort - I nearly cried when my favorite shoe store closed, and have never found another place as good.

(R.I.P. "Grassroots" in Rochester.)

[Ken]

The whole shoe thing is just... urgh. -- Chris

Still better than the Synchronized Cookie-Snarfing Fetish LH&J inflict on us later on.

I was just struck at that moment by recalling many a drunken lout rationalizing a woman's somehow resisting his, er, charms by loudly telling his friends that she must be a lesbian. -- DamnedYankee

That's just what happened to the closest thing I ever had to a girlfriend back when I first met her back in '82. Lout in question spreading the story wasn't so much drunk as Darwin Award Stupid (I still don't know why he's still alive). I was on hand when it caught up with him a few years later at one San Diego Comic Con -- two female comics artists he'd said the same about tracked him down at ComicCon, and took turns bouncing idiot boy off the wall. One of the reasons I miss the old Hotel San Diego...

[Lauren]

After reading Ursula's description of shoe shopping, I have to wonder if my area is unusually wealthy with locations for buying sensible shoes, or if the shoes I buy that I thought were sensible actually aren't so sensible at all.

My last pair of what I'd call sensible shoes were Clarks, purchased at Macy's for less than $40. Of course, my feet are medium width; I can see that those who need wide or narrow sizes have more difficulty.

[Consumer Unit 5012]

That picture was sheer brilliance. Thanks for posting it.

One thing about the "Tribulation Force" preview that struck me as especially "bwuh?"-worthy: Buck's just SEEN the ANTICHRIST, in his new role as World Overlord, mind-control a man to DEATH. And he's the only eyewitness who knows this.

His reaction? Go shopping.

Bwuh?

BWUH?

BWUH?!?!? His half-assed death-faking after his pal in London got blown up made more sense.

And Nicky's failure to have him taken out and shot immediately upon realizing his Satanic Mojo wasn't working really needs some kind of explanation beyond "It's In The Script".