L.B.: Super powers

Left Behind, pp. 415-417

Nicolae Carpathia has super powers.

Usually, I don't have a problem with stories involving super-powered characters. I've been reading and enjoying such stories my whole life. Whether it's Peter Pevensie or Peter Parker, Harry Potter or Buffy Summers, I'm game. Just provide some kind of explanation (radioactive spider, the Chosen one, cosmic rays, the effects of our yellow sun on the last son of Krypton) and set out some basic rules and limitations so that the power, and thus the story, isn't completely arbitrary and I will gladly come along for the ride.

The other thing I'll need to consent to such stories is a bit harder to describe. The storyteller needs to provide some indication, some clue, that this is that kind of story. This can be some basic genre shorthand or some other kind of signal, but it has to come fairly early on so that I don't feel betrayed when suddenly one of the characters begins doing things that no ordinary human can do. There's probably a name for this or some better way of describing it, and for that I'll defer to those more immersed in the theory and the study of such stories, but what I'm getting at is that it's no fair to have Miss Marples suddenly explain in Chapter XXXII that she was able to solve the mystery by using her X-ray vision. That sort of thing violates a reader's trust. Pull a stunt like that and your super-powered character is in-credible rather than incredible.

Our question here is whether Nicolae Carpathia's sudden manifestation of super powers presents this sort of betrayal. We've only just begun to see the full extent of his mind-control mojo at work. In the remaining pages of this volume, Bruce Barnes will babble a bit of pseudo-scriptural phlebotinum to provide a half-hearted explanation for Nicolae's powers, and then those powers will be displayed unambiguously. Is that fair?

On the one hand, this seems like the worst sort of ninth-inning rule change. We've been told -- on the back cover and in the story itself -- that Left Behind is supposed to be a ripped-from-the-headlines style thriller set not just in a world like our own, but in the very world we live in. Not the world we live in plus X (where X is magic, vampires, superheroes, etc.), but simply a fictional version of the world we live in. Changing the name of Newsweek to Global Weekly doesn't violate the terms of that agreement, but changing the laws of physics does.

Set aside for the moment the authors' woeful inability to portray this or any other world accurately or believably. That's not the issue here. The issue here is that they've told us all along that this story was set in a world in which we know there's no such thing as super powers or mind-control mojo, and then suddenly -- when they've plotted themselves into a corner and there's no other way to escape -- we meet a super-powered character who is able to work his mind-control mojo and thereby to prevent their nonsensical plot from grinding to a halt. That sure seems like cheating to me.

But on the other hand we've also been told all along that this will be an explicitly supernatural story. From that perspective, complaining about the sudden appearance of a character's supernatural powers in Left Behind would be a bit like complaining about the existence of paranormal phenomenon on The X-Files. Yet Nicolae's super powers still seem to be in a different category from the book's other supernatural events. There's a big difference between making God a character and allowing God to act with divine powers and the idea that the president of Romania can also do miraculous, godlike things. A monster of the week with telepathic abilities would be part of the bargain for viewers of The X-Files. If Mulder and Scully had suddenly begun using telepathy, that would have violated the bargain.¹

The authors would argue, I think, that giving Carpathia miraculous abilities is fair game because he is the Anti-Christ. Since Christ was able to perform miracles, his evil twin should have the same abilities. That would be easier to swallow if Carpathia's Antichrist powers more closely paralleled the sorts of miraculous deeds attributed to Jesus Christ.

In the Gospels, Jesus is tempted by Satan in the wilderness to perform miracles in order to amass power. The Antichrist, one would expect, would have succumbed to those same temptations.² We should be seeing the Antichrist performing antimiracles -- perversions and inversions of the miraculous signs and wonders told of in the Gospels.

Unlike John of Patmos or the author of John's epistles (the only place the word "antichrist³" is used in the Bible), LaHaye and Jenkins don't really seem to regard the sense in which the Antichrist is Christ's opposite. That opposition is hard to miss in the book of Revelation -- beast vs. lamb, power vs. love is one of the book's central themes -- but L&J seem to have missed it both there and in their representation of it here. Their Antichrist is an anti-christ, an anti-messiah, in the sense that he is a false liberator who brings slavery. But where Carpathia chooses to pursue power, those who oppose him do the same. L&J's version of the evil beast will be defeated, ultimately, not by the lamb, but by the good beast. In Left Behind, good triumphs over evil not because it is intrinsically different, but because it is simply more powerful. God has a bigger gun than the devil.⁴

But however the authors mean to account for it, the bottom line remains this: Nicolae Carpathia has super powers. Their story -- meant to present what they believe are real events that will really happen sometime soon -- has a character with super powers in it. Make of that what you will.

It's not clear whether Nicolae has been using those super powers in the preceding scenes. It's impossible to believe that the ambassadors of every nation on earth would have been willing, or thought themselves able, to abandon their respective nations' sovereignty and capacity for self-defense just because they were asked politely to do so by a handsome young polyglot, so it sure seems like Carpathia's mind-control powers must have been at work at the United Nations.

Then again it also seems impossible that people the world over would be "in a mood to party" upon hearing that their nations, languages, religions and currencies were about to be replaced with new, one-size-fits-all global versions. So is Nicolae somehow projecting his mojo over the airwaves, enchanting the globe via satellite TV? If so, why isn't Buck affected? He hasn't yet performed the counter-spell invoking the protection of the Holy Spirit, yet he alone doesn't seem thrilled with Carpathia's announcement of global dictatorship.

It's been five pages since the last phone call, so the phone rings and Buck seems guarded and sullen as he discusses the announcement with his old buddy Steve Plank.

"Pretty exciting, isn't it?"

"Mind-boggling."

"Listen, Carpathia wants you here Monday morning."

"What for?"

"He likes you, man. Don't knock it."

It may just be my imagination, but Steve seems to be sounding a bit more hip-cat since he went to work for the Antichrist. In the next page, he will use the word "hustle" as a verb.

Steve explains that Carpathia is planning a meeting with "his top people and the 10 delegates to the permanent Security Council." It seems from the way they discuss this that those delegates will be selected by Nicolae, rather than appointed by their respective nations. Whether this is how L&J imagine the U.N. works now or if this is meant to be understood as one of Carpathia's "reforms" isn't clear, just as it isn't clear why a Security Council is even necessary now that all the member nations have been disarmed and subsumed into the OWG.

They briefly discuss the role of Jonathan Stonagal and whatisname Todd-Cothran, though Jenkins seems to have lost all interest in trying to make any sense out of their conspiratorial conspiracy of conspirators. He seems relieved to have rendered them redundant and no longer seems to care whether or not they still seem menacing and mysterious. Steve half-heartedly tries to drum up a bit of the old menace by telling Buck that "nobody tells Stonagal" what to do.

"Not even Carpathia?" Buck asks.

That should be, for him, a rather pointed question. As Steve is well aware, Stonagal and Todd-Sidekick tried to kill Buck with a car bomb just a few chapters ago. The only reason he's not still running for his life is because Carpathia apparently intervened on his behalf, convincing Stonagal to let Buck live in exchange for Buck's promise never to report on their murky dark doings. So when Steve answers, "Especially not Carpathia. He knows who made him," you'd think a reasonable response on Buck's part would be to go back into hiding. Instead, he agrees to go to the meeting and to sit in a room with the two men who killed his friends Dirk and Alan and very nearly killed him as well.

For what it's worth, Steve reassures Buck that Carpathia, although unable to control Stonagal, is:

"... honest and sincere, Buck. Nicolae will not do anything illegal or underhanded or even too political. He's pure, man. Pure as the driven snow."

Sadly, Buck will soon learn what readers figured out hundreds of pages ago -- that Carpathia is neither honest nor sincere. That's a shame. He'd be much more interesting if he were. Then at least we might be able to grasp some motive behind his grasping for power. There could be a compelling story in the tragedy of an honest and sincere man who sought unlimited power in the hopes of achieving unlimited good, of fixing the world through brute force. But that would have made Carpathia the good beast and, as we've already seen, the part of the good beast is already taken here in Left Behind. In the authors' view, fixing the world through brute force is God's job. (Makes one wonder what they think all that business with the cross was about.)

Steve tells Buck that he will be the only reporter present at this meeting of the new global cabal:

"What's the catch?"

"No catch. He didn't ask for a thing, not even favorable coverage. ..."

Because, you know, for Steve and Buck, the idea of exchanging access for favorable coverage is no big deal.

"... not even favorable coverage. He knows you have to be objective and fair. The media will get the whole scoop at the press conference afterward."

"Obviously I can't pass this up," Buck said, aware his voice sounded flat.

Buck isn't the only one who seems aware that this all sounds flat and unenthusiastic. Jenkins will reprise this entire conversation in the next chapter, and he seems to put a bit more effort into it the second time around.

"What's the matter, Buck? This is history! This is the world the way we've always wanted it and hoped it would be."

"I hope you're right."

Steve means it. One, unlimited, unaccountable and all-powerful global government enforcing one world language and one world religion really is "the world the way [he's] always wanted it to be" because Steve is an Imaginary Liberal. Imaginary Liberals are all closet fascists, don't you know. If you want to know how they really want and hope the world to be just take the opposite of everything they say and conjure up the most illiberal nightmare conceivable -- a world without civil liberties or democracy or freedom of conscience. The fact that liberals all speak and act against such a nightmare scenario is simply evidence of their duplicity.

Imaginary Liberals are thus irredeemable, which is why Buck here has to be shown as less than enthusiastic about the IL dream come true. Buck is destined to be redeemed, so he has to be shown to be a not-really liberal member of the liberal media just as he had to be shown to be a virgin bachelor playboy.

Steve says there's one final favor Carpathia has to ask of Buck:

"He wants to see that stewardess friend of yours again."

"Steve, no one calls them stews anymore. They're flight attendants."

"Whatever. Bring her with you if you can."

"Why doesn't he ask her himself? What am I now, a pimp?"

"Stews?"

Buck objects to being viewed as a pimp. He may also object to Hattie being viewed as a prostitute, although he never says so. His unprecedented siding with Hattie here reflects the authors' notion of chivalry, not some kind of feminism. If the little ladies want to be called "flight attendants," then we should humor them.

"C'mon, Buck. It's not like that. Lonely guy in a position like this? He can't be out hustling up dates. ..."

"I'll ask her," he said. "No promises."

"Don't let me down, buddy."

Normally, I'd agree that world leaders "can't be out hustling up dates," but there's nothing normal about Carpathia's position. It's not like he has to worry about his reputation or about getting re-elected. He's scandal-proof, untouchable. Plus everyone who would have had some moral objection to his sexual escapades disintegrated last week. If he wanted to Nicolae could Casanova his way through the Manhattan phone book (alphabetically, of course), sweet-talking women in nine languages (eight of which are soon to be forbidden). If the People magazine thing and his Redford-ish looks didn't work, he could just put the mind-whammy on 'em.

But even though he could have any woman in the world, the only one he wants is Hattie. Just as the only reporter he wants present at his big meeting is Buck and, later in the series, the only pilot he wants to hire is, yep, Rayford Steele. There are still 4 billion people on earth, but Carpathia is working closely with the authors to ensure that only a handful of them are ever involved in this story.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

¹ This may actually have happened in Season 9, but by that point I'd gotten almost as confused and off-track as the writers.

² I suppose that Carpathia's enlisting of Rosenzweig's miracle formula franchise is vaguely like turning stones to bread, but he's just piggybacking on somebody else's miracle there and there's little to indicate that this dubious parallel is intended by the authors.

³ Antichrists, actually, plural. Which is more than a bit troublesome for the PMD mythology.

⁴ Or put it this way, in LB, Frodo uses the ring to destroy Sauron. That doesn't make for the same story with a different ending, that makes for an entirely different story.

Comments

[Fraser]

Hmm, after Praline's post, I'm getting a vision of Man Who Shot Liberty Valance with Jesus as the Jimmy Stewart lawyer opposite Wayne's gunslinger. Which would make Lee Marvin the Antichrist figure, I guess ("When Nicky Carpathia came to town, the men would step aside—they'd step aside!")

But I disagree as regards the two witnesses in Jerusalem: Nicky's not using any overt display of psychic powers ("Stare into my eyes, Rayford Steele! You must become Caligari!")so in a sense, it fits with two guys suddenly dropping dead with heart attacks. Of course, Carpathia's defacto world conquest doesn't make much sense without world-class mind control(though it's possible the authors think they're being subtle), but inept as these books are, I'm inclined to give them a pass on this point.

[Scorpio]

Actually, the guys at the Wall who breathe fire and strike people dead are pretty supernatural, as well -- so it isn't just Nicolae. But the whole treatment is mechanistic, since the characters are just cardboard.

[Jesurgislac]

Scorpio: Actually, the guys at the Wall who breathe fire

Except that they don't! Or only in a metaphorical way, like they have really, really bad breath and this causes the two guys who try to rush them to have heart-attacks.

[Jesurgislac]

LMM: It does? Bush is an "honest and sincere" man?

Don't about 29% of Americans still think that?

[cjmr's husband]

Don't about 29% of Americans still think that?

19% now. Woohoo! We're getting smarter!

[Dahne]

@Fraser: True. In order to transform LB's earth into a Hellworld of monotony, all the devil has to do is...nothing.

But even Satan has his limits.

Also, saving the possessed pigs by moving the demon to a man is brilliant.

[Lauren]

The out-of-left-field genre-change in the third act was the reason I really hated Million Dollar Baby, and I don't understand why more people didn't object to it, versus objecting to the ethics.

[Praline]

If you reject Christian ethics, shouldn't you also reject Christianity?

Technically. But you see, realising that would require reflection. These guys don't reflect: their minds move in fixed, circumscribed loops. Reflection is too close to independent thought.

These are hardliner traditionalists, or at least, hardline to what they perceive to be traditional. Redemptive violence is part of their traditional storytelling. Christianity is the traditional religion. If you smoosh the two together, you get a mess, but there's certainly a sense of righteousness in the traditionalism.

If they grew up in a Muslim country, they'd be equally hardline Muslim. Or Hindu, or Jewish, or whatever. Hardliners are mostly faithful to being hardline; what they're hardline about is of secondary importance.

So yes, they are, in spirit, very unChristian. But they wouldn't thank you for saying that, because 'Christian', to them, means 'doing the right thing': Christian is the right thing to be, we always do the right thing, therefore we're Christians, because Christian in the right thing to be. One of those circular arguments you get with authoritarians. It has very little to do with the teachings of Christ.

I've got an entreprenurial scheme in mind. To replace the little gold and silver crosses people wear around their necks, I'm going to sell small pendants. The pendants will be disks, on which will be engraved, 'Were you actually listening?'

[Elmo]

Of course Nicolae has super powers. He has to. These people believe in Intelligent Design, Special Creationism, Creation Science, and miscellaneous demons and imps who -- in the absence of the 3 Charmed babes who vanquish them -- would have taken over the Earth centuries ago.

[Karen]

What, a world without children?

SueW, in the mind of the RTC's, and, I think, most hard-line social conservatives, we liberals really do want a world without children. Even if we have kids, if we put them in daycare or public school, we don't love them. They can't imagine that we could love our kids, and kids in general, and still reject their version of the proper relation between men and women. Last week Tonio linked to an old LB post in which Hattie mentions that her sister works in an abortion clinic and is worried that it'll go broke if no one gets pregnant, indicating that Planned Parenthood really encourages unwanted pregnancies to make money. I really want to ask everyone who holds this position why, if this is true, that Planned Parenthood stock isn't traded on the NYSE.

[aunursa]

Karen: in the mind of the RTC's, and, I think, most hard-line social conservatives, we liberals really do want a world without children. Even if we have kids, if we put them in daycare or public school, we don't love them. They can't imagine that we could love our kids, and kids in general, and still reject their version of the proper relation between men and women.

More Imaginary Conservatives. Imagine that.

[Praline]

Karen: don't forget not hitting kids. Sparing the rod means hating your son, remember? Liberals who don't believe in smacking are all delighted when the children evaporate. It means we can devote all our non-violent tendencies on a global scale; having too many things around that you don't want to hit just becomes confusing.

(At least, when you're written by violent people, it does. There has to be smiting somewhere!)

[Karen]

Thanks, Praline, I forgot that one. My sons would probably prefer spanking to what they normally get as punishment, which is extra chores for a week. (Yes, I'm a liberal and I still make my sons do chores.)

[SueW]

SueW, in the mind of the RTC's, and, I think, most hard-line social conservatives, we liberals really do want a world without children.

Heh. I think it's more likely that the authors have completely forgotten that minor plot point. *smirk*

I just have to mention that I could read Praline all day. If she never achieves the kind of success that L&J have, there is something wrong with the world.

[Technomad]

This rubbish is to a kajuu movie what Pulgasari is to Gojira. And Nicolae Mountainrange is to an effective Evil Overlord, or even Evil Overlord wanna-be, what a Trabant is to a Lamborghini.

If there were an Ultimate Death Match for Evil Overlords, Nicky Tianshan would go down long before they matched him with even a fairly-stupid, ineffectual E.O. wanna-be like Voldemort. If he lasted long enough to meet with the Big V, Voldemort would kick his ass---and then Crucio whoever insulted him by matching him up against this bozo.

[Fraser]

Lauren, thank you! I had huge troubles with Million-Dollar Baby jumping from cliched boxing movie to cliched medical drama (though well done in both), and it annoyed me so many critics gasp the Brilliant Twist.

[hapax]

The western advances the myth that evil is intractable and can only be eradicated, that justice eventually comes down to the willingness to spill blood, that liberty resides in the right to make armed response, that the use of violence is the legitimate and only secure way to resolve a conflict

"My name is gunman Stan McKurt. And I shoot evil in the face."

My sons would probably prefer spanking to what they normally get as punishment, which is extra chores for a week.

Hah. You call THAT punishment? I steal a page from my parents, and assign essays. "Didn't take out the garbage in time for the city to pick it up? Fine. That's five hundred words on pest control, by next garbage day."

Of course, the one time my daughter was truly, disastrously naughty, I did the unthinkable, and removed all the books from her room for a month.

I just have to mention that I could read Praline all day.

ARgghhh! You folks are all torturing me! I just got BENIGHTED yesterday, and it's sitting on my nightstand, and I can't allow myself to touch it until I do something with the pile of dreadful review books I have to slog through and write up!

[borealys]

what rises in the anti-Resurrection is only his body -- undead instead of raised, and with a different guy inside; truly Satan come in the flesh.

Now that would make a good novel.

Not when L&J are writing it. (That happens in book 7 of the LB series. It is not a good novel).

Okay, well, um. It would be a good novel if it had good writers. And if it used the whole concept Ken described. Antichrist as honourable, noble man with really, really good intentions, on the verge of bringing about a near-perfect world, and then... he's assassinated, say, by one of his nearest-and-dearest supporters, who was an agent of Satan all along, thus enabling Satan to take over the would-be hero's body.

I can think of all sorts of directions a story like that might take, all of which are a bit too ambitious for where I am at the moment as a writer. But I'd read it, anyway.

[Anna]

I think that Nicky's sudden superpowers (*Superpowers*! Whenever I read that, I imagine it with jazz hands and maybe some sparkles around the person who says it) are a subtle form of bait-and-switch. We've been promised a form of naturalism: there is a naturalist explanation for how Nicky takes over the world (UN leadership), there's a naturalist explanation for the Jerusalem prophets (heart attacks), and the characters even try to provide a naturalist explanation for the disappearance of an entire nuclear arsenal in mid-flight (*handwaves at magnetic fields*). So thus the only character who's desperately convinced of a supernatural power in play is Rayford. The book's implicit bargain with the readers is that it will try to keep things as naturalistic as possible, and the longer this trend continues (what, 400 pages now?), the stronger the implicit bargain seems. The reader is content by this point with the way things are: naturalistic glosses over events that are clearly supernaturally influenced.

Then, *superpowers*! (jazz hands)

The bait-and-switch happens when the authors break that implicit bargain, and the result is that the reader experiences cognitive dissonance: suddenly, this is not the book they thought they were reading.

[LD Wheeler]

One thing that I can't wrap my mind around -- and maybe I missed something -- is ... why does Carpathia give Buck exclusive access and one-on-one interviews and special lifesaving deals and, for all I know free pie? Yeah, yeah, he's supposedly the GIRAT and all that, though I'm not clear that amounts to much real-world reputation or cachet. Even assuming that Buck's GIRAT reputation as GIRAT is earned -- and nothing L&J have shown us would support that ... why would Carpathia invite scrutiny by an able investigative reporter? (Though I imagine L&J don't really get the idea of independent press scrutiny of public officials.) And if it's unearned, well ... the question remains: What does our friendly neighborhood antichrist see in Buck?

If Nicolae has some kind of Special Demonic Prescience and sees stuff in Buck that isn't readily evident ... shouldn't he see that Buck is ripe for turning? That Buck's NOT completely buying Nick's One World Mojo? In fact, Carpathia seems to have a singular talent for hiring people for important roles who later switch on him, covertly converting to the Enemy. CUE SPOILER ALERT, IF ANYONE CARES. Not just Buck, but Rayford. David Hassid, in the later books. Steve Plank. Even Hattie, his very own Whore O'Babylon. For someone with such supposed spiritual-psychological insight, Nicolae makes some dumb staff selections, aside from his loyal inner circle (Fortunato, Ivins and the security guy whose name I forget who shows up later and rings truer than anyone else in the books).

I know, I know: L&J have Nick hire these people so they can play cloak & dagger against the Forces Of Evil to make these things seem close to thrillers.

[Ryan]

The out-of-left-field genre-change in the third act was the reason I really hated Million Dollar Baby, and I don't understand why more people didn't object to it, versus objecting to the ethics.

Or like that Family Guy episode that stopped being a Willa Wonka parody in the third act! I WANTED MORE WILLY WONKA PARODY!

On the other hand, there was a Faye Kellerman mystery in which the villain turns out to be a literally radioactive mutant, with no prior suggestion this was the kind of book where radioactive mutants run around.

Then again, isn't that what makes it a surprise?

[borealys]

Surprises and plot twists have to be done carefully, though. There have to be just enough clues earlier in the story so that, well, maybe the reader wouldn't be able to figure it out for herself, but she would at least be able to flip back through the book and say, "Oh yeah! Wow! I didn't see that coming, but it makes sense!"

In the hands of better writers, Nicky's sudden superpowers would be exactly that kind of surprise. "Oh," the reader would say. "So that's how he managed to enthrall people with such a boring speech! That's how he managed to get himself named Secretary General. It all makes sense now!"

Who knows? Maybe that's what L&J were going for, and they just did it really badly. Or then again, maybe not. Those kinds of "Aha!" surprises tend to take a lot of thought and planning to put together, and I doubt they'd really have wanted to bother.

[Dash]

Ken: One line of speculation was that Antichrist's career would closely parallel Christ's, including . . . anti-Miracles.

For anti-miracles, all you have to do is look to the faith healers and televangelists.

[Karen]

Something that continues to appall me about these books is how much of a waste of a really good plot. I can even use The Checklist and make a good story (1. The Event 2. Major chaos from both the psychological shock of the survivors and the actually destruction from, like wildfires and bridge collapses and stuff; 3.In the bloody aftermath, people look for anything to restore order. 4. Nicky Molehill, who believes himself to be an actual world savior, takes over.) In fact, "The Stand" had quite a few of these elements. Stephen King can actually tell a good story. L & J cannot. The waste of this is kind of like seeing a lovely old hotel remodelled to Donald Trump's taste.

Hapax, the real Ultimate Penalty in our house is, to my eternal regret, No Television. The problem is that I tend to find excuses to impose this one.

[Fraser]

The rapture novel We All Fall Down does a pretty good job with the same elements--among other things, the author skips a lot of the exposition we get in LB since he's bright enough to know the readers know the checklist and such.

The Stand I hate with a passion. A disaster movie plot that got several hundred pages too big for its britches. And once we learn God is intervening and sapping Flag's powers, what's the point--it's not like Flag is going to beat up God.

Robert MacCammon's Swan Song does a good job with similar material.

[Chris]

(Makes one wonder what they think all that business with the cross was about.)
((Haven't you seen Gibson's Passion? God is saying he's willing to smack the bejeezus out of his own kid, so the rest of us better damn well watch our collective step.))
Raka, the best example of this technique in fact comes from the Altman version of Chandler's The Long Goodbye - the villain threatens Marlowe by bringing him to the lair, shouting at him, then breaking a bottle and suddenly SMASHING HIS GIRLFRIEND IN THE FACE WITH IT - "Remember, her I _love!_ You, I don't even like!" Very telling, I thought. I'd have been scared (though, admittedly, Marlowe wasn't).

[Omorka]

Hapax - please, on behalf of all English teachers everywhere, I beg you, don't make writing a punishment! It's difficult enough to try to encourage a love of writing in teenagers whose native tongue is txtmsg; associating it with guilt, shame, and/or one's mother being angry will make getting through Freshman Composition positively abysmal.

[Tonio]

Our question here is whether Nicolae Carpathia's sudden manifestation of super powers presents this sort of betrayal.

In the L&J worldview it makes perfect sense - the Antichrist is allegedly a deceiver, so he would keep his true nature hidden from his victims until it was too late. would be like Jack the Ripper

Their Antichrist is an anti-christ, an anti-messiah, in the sense that he is a false liberator who brings slavery.

In L&J's defense, that's how the Omen series portrayed Damien Thorn.

It seems from the way they discuss this that those delegates will be selected by Nicolae, rather than appointed by their respective nations. Whether this is how L&J imagine the U.N. works now or if this is meant to be understood as one of Carpathia's "reforms" isn't clear...

Maybe L&J cribbed from an early draft of the "Revenge of the Sith" script. Or maybe Lucas cribbed Palpatine's rise to power from LB.

"This is history! This is the world the way we've always wanted it and hoped it would be."

I don't know whether to laugh or vomit. Hopefully not both...

[hapax]

please, on behalf of all English teachers everywhere, I beg you, don't make writing a punishment!

Yeah, I understand your point. But you don't know my kids. I couldn't make them NOT write if I locked them in a dark room with their hands tied behind their back. The punishment consists in the dreaded, "I'm going to make you demonstrate that you UNDERSTAND why I'm angry!" Who the heck wants to understand that the Evil Maternal Oppressor might have an actual legitimate REASON for her wrath?

Besides, by that logic, we couldn't ever punish anyone with anything that might do them some good. That leaves us with bodily harm, and saying, "Drat you, kid! One more smart word out of your mouth, and it's gonna be donuts for you!"

[Abelardus]

... the security guy whose name I forget who shows up later and rings truer than anyone else in the books.

Was that guy's name Suhail Akbar? Appears later in the books, kind of a Starscream to Nicolae's Megatron, only without any evidence of betrayal? I only skimmed through these books myself -- for fear that, like any book you read from cover to cover -- ugh! -- something of them would rub off on me. Fred's a brave man.

With a name like "Akbar" he's probably a straw man for Muslims.

[Tehanu]

Praline: 'Sincere' is the word that gets applied, incessantly, to Rayford Steele.

Well, you know, sincerity is important -- if you can fake it, you've got it made.

Lauren: The out-of-left-field genre-change in the third act was the reason I really hated Million Dollar Baby, and I don't understand why more people didn't object to it, versus objecting to the ethics.

Me too -- nice to know I wasn't alone!

[pepperjackcandy]

Are we absolutely certain that Global Weekly is a play on Newsweek? Maybe it's a play on the Weekly World News.

Perhaps "Your Pet May Be An Extra-Terrestrial" is cutting-edge journalism in the LB-verse. In thise case, Nicky's mind-control powers might be (slightly!) less of a stretch.

[Boze]

"Then you are under arrest for the crime of defying the Chairman, you are hereby sentenced to 3 dates with his eminence Chairman Carpathia, dinner and a movie, if you value your life."

This reminds me of that line in "Jonny Bravo": "Stop! You have the right to remain luscious. Anything you say will cause me to hold you against me."

[Boze]

"Anti-miracles: What exactly would those be? Turning wine into water? Promoting demonic possession ("Me am Bizarro-Jesus. Me save possessed piggies by putting Legion in human body.")? Or the kind that turn out to have a boobytrap--you have to keep coming back for more healing, the Antichrist calms storms at the cost of a tornado elsewhere, loaves and fishes that only give the illusion of nourishment?"

This happens in "The Visitation" by Frank Peretti (I know I know far more about evangelical fiction than I really should). A man comes to Antioch and claims to be a new messiah. He turns loaves into bread and they all turn out to be filled with worms. A man gets the ability to control all appliances and technological devices, and he's able to listen to music just by putting his finger on the part of a CD he wants to hear, but then the machines go crazy and he's chased through the town by a washing machine. A building explodes, for reasons which are never sufficiently explained. There are four or five other people claiming to be Jesus, and they beat each other up in a parade.

[practicallyevil]

IIRC, at this point Steve is now employed by the UN secretary general.

Yeah, but Steve Two-by-Four says "here," and he's talking to Buck, so I can only assume he is with Buck at the Global Weekly. Unless the conversation is over the phone, but Fred never said so, normally he lets us know when L&J are beating us over the head with their one overused terrible literary trick so we can keep a running tally.

The out-of-left-field genre-change in the third act was the reason I really hated Million Dollar Baby, and I don't understand why more people didn't object to it, versus objecting to the ethics.

Amen, I think it's all studio pressure because they think "twist endings" will get the Oscar attention or bring in audiences. Take for example "I Am Legend," (which I've mentioned in the past, and was hoping to bring up in the Flame War Thread, but we didn't get one this week, but it was worth it, anyways I digress). Check out the original ending and tell me it wasn't much better than the theater ending, I dare you.

http://www.mininova.org/tor/1220444

[Boze]

"Not when L&J are writing it. (That happens in book 7 of the LB series. It is not a good novel)."

For real, yo. It's actually the most unintentionally hilarious novel of the series, which is saying a lot. A gigantic statue of Nicolae comes to life in the middle of a stadium and starts muttering, "I AM NICOLAE! KILL ALL THE CHRISTIANS!" Then it starts shooting lightning everywhere, "Megiddo"-style.

[Ryan]

Maybe L&J cribbed from an early draft of the "Revenge of the Sith" script. Or maybe Lucas cribbed Palpatine's rise to power from LB.

"Instead of announcing my candidacy for re-election, I'm announcing that you're all morons."

With a name like "Akbar" he's probably a straw man for Muslims.

Or, IT'S A TRAP!

[LL]

RE In the next page, he will use the word "hustle" as a verb.

Laughed aloud at that. Does he say something that no adult has said in at least 30 years, like, "Don't hustle me, man!"?

Damn, this book is not only the worst book ever written, it's also the most boring. Only old white Christian men could make the end of the world so fucking tedious. It's a bunch of boring people having meetings and phone calls. And making travel arrangements. I've read instruction manuals more compelling. And three of them were written in Dutch, French and German. Still better than this. They had illustrations.

[Sniffnoy]

Yeah, but Steve Two-by-Four says "here," and he's talking to Buck, so I can only assume he is with Buck at the Global Weekly. Unless the conversation is over the phone, but Fred never said so, normally he lets us know when L&J are beating us over the head with their one overused terrible literary trick so we can keep a running tally.

No, you just missed it:

It's been five pages since the last phone call, so the phone rings and Buck seems guarded and sullen as he discusses the announcement with his old buddy Steve Plank.

"Pretty exciting, isn't it?"

"Mind-boggling."

"Listen, Carpathia wants you here Monday morning."

[LL]

That 6 minutes of Star Wars parody was more entertaining than the entirety of the movie it's mocking. And it provides tasty quotes (also better than the original movie):

"Now screwed we all are."

"I call it - The Sphere O' Fear"

[Raka]

Fraser: Anti-miracles: What exactly would those be? Turning wine into water? Promoting demonic possession ("Me am Bizarro-Jesus. Me save possessed piggies by putting Legion in human body.")?

Personally, I can't wait until he kills Lazarus and sticks his tax money (in coinage!) inside a fish.

[Technomad]

And then will he cut down the tallest tree in the forest...with a herring?

[Ryan]

RE In the next page, he will use the word "hustle" as a verb.

Laughed aloud at that. Does he say something that no adult has said in at least 30 years, like, "Don't hustle me, man!"?

I was thinking of my old school gym coaches who would use the verb "hustle" to mean "hurry". I guess they also use that noun "hustle" to mean some kind of abstract quality in sports, but I don't care to understand it.

[Reynard]

Posted by LMM: sounds oddly like the last eight years

"It does? Bush is an 'honest and sincere' man?"

Posted by Jeff: sounds oddly like the last eight years

"Sounds like you missed the words 'honest' and 'sincere'."

I have absolutely no doubt that; in whatever screwed-up, delusion-filled, through-the-circus-mirror la-la-land that passes for his mind; Bush actually *does* see himself as honestly and sincerely trying to do what's best for God, Cheney, Party, Capitalism and Country. (In *that* order!) If a few of "We the People" happen to benefit from the deal as well (preferably those of the White, Monied, Protestant ilk); well, then, so much the better! The rest of us? Well, let's just say that "Left Behind" is more than just the name of the first of a series of badly-written novels...

[Ryan]

Is "No Child" a series of novels too?

[Randy Owens]

"No catch. He didn't ask for a thing, not even favorable coverage. ..."

Because, you know, for Steve and Buck, the idea of exchanging access for favorable coverage is no big deal.

Umm, for that matter, what coverage? Does he actually expect Buck to actually write something about this meeting? Let alone publish?!?

hapax: "My name is gunman Stan McKurt. And I shoot evil in the face."

But what about Dick Cheney's nifty job security, then?

[Monkay]

I've seen more evil overlords on Cartoon Network
Samurai Jack

[Mabus]

For real, yo. It's actually the most unintentionally hilarious novel of the series, which is saying a lot. A gigantic statue of Nicolae comes to life in the middle of a stadium and starts muttering, "I AM NICOLAE! KILL ALL THE CHRISTIANS!" Then it starts shooting lightning everywhere, "Megiddo"-style.

Boze forgot the statue is ZOMG nude. Not that this should still produce any reaction in a world where Free Cable Porn is now the norm for television programming.

I'll give L&J credit for this one, at least--the statue burns books. (That is, they're lit ablaze inside it. It doesn't walk around, stack them, and set them on fire.)

[Reileen]

I'll give L&J credit for this one, at least--the statue burns books. (That is, they're lit ablaze inside it. It doesn't walk around, stack them, and set them on fire.)

My mind is now conflating this image of Nicolae's statue with the images of the mechanical monster Moloch (referring specifically to the classical Greek and Roman accounts here).

I imagine they could make quite a tourist attraction out of that: bring all your Evil Pagan Books to the statue, ascend a staircase up to the mouth, and shove those suckers in, upon which the statue of Nicky Appalachia consumes them in the most hellish case of heartburn ever to be mass-witnessed in history. Or something. And then he burps out the ashes.

[Jesurgislac]

Hapax: Of course, the one time my daughter was truly, disastrously naughty, I did the unthinkable, and removed all the books from her room for a month.

Good god. I'd have run away from home.