L.B.: Buck and the Preacher

Left Behind, pp. 423-424

"I have a message and an answer for people genuinely seeking," the Rev. Bruce Barnes tells Buck Williams, adding that, if Buck meets that stipulation, "I have all the time you need."

"Well, sir," Buck said, nearly staggered by the emotion and humility he heard in his own voice, "I appreciate that."

Strolling through Left Behind, one frequently winds up tripping over phrases like that. They force one to stop, turn around and inspect the ground, wondering how such a strange and hazardous thing could have ended up there in the middle of the sidewalk.

Buck was "nearly staggered by the emotion and humility he heard in his own voice" -- is such a condition even possible? Just barely, perhaps, but not in the case of anyone you would care to know. The sentence as a whole was, I think, intended to convey the idea that Buck is humble, but what it actually tells us, instead, is that Buck is the kind of person who finds a humble-sounding tone in his own voice deeply moving.¹ That doesn't strike me as an endearing quality.

Buck explains to Bruce that his questions have nothing to do with the article he's supposed to be working on:

"It might have made sense to get a pastor's view for my story, but people can guess what pastors think, especially based on the other people I'm quoting."

"Like Captain Steele."

Buck nodded.

The more people refer to Rayford as "Captain Steele" the more one gets the impression that this is something he insists on. Apart from in-flight intercom announcements -- "This is your captain speaking ..." -- I have never, ever heard anyone speak of an airline pilot as "Captain Smith."² I'm wondering if this sounds as unnatural and strange to airline pilots themselves as it does to me.

The stranger thing here, though, is Buck's notion that his readers are well-served by leaving them to "guess" what the experts think based on the comments of those experts' most neophyte laymen followers. It's worse than that, actually, since the role or title of "pastor" doesn't actually require that one be an expert in anything other than, well, pastoring. "It might have made sense to get a pastor's view" for Buck's story only if he was interested in exploring the emotional and spiritual repercussions of The Event from the perspective of someone whose job it now was to minister to their traumatized congregations and communities. (None of which, as we've noticed repeatedly, interests Buck or the authors even slightly.) If he were looking for someone to provide a theological or biblical interpretation of The Event, then Buck should be interviewing a theologian or biblical scholar. Seeking such a perspective from the pastor of a randomly selected nondenominational congregation wouldn't make much more sense than seeking it from an airline pilot.

We get another quick dose of boilerplate Rayford worship --

"I was impressed with Captain Steele. That's one smart guy, a good thinker ..."

It's Buck talking there, I think, but it could just as well have been Bruce. They both speak of Rayford in the same awe-struck tone using precisely the same adoring vocabulary. For that matter, so does Rayford. Finally, having established their mutual respect for one another's sincerity and passion and for that of Captain Steele, it's time for Bruce to begin his sermon:

Bruce began by telling Buck his life story. "I once had wealth, power and the love of a beautiful woman. ... It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family ...

No wait, I'm sorry, that's Steve Martin's opening monologue from The Jerk. Let me try that again:

Bruce began by telling Buck his life story, being raised in a Christian home, going to Bible college,³ marrying a Christian, becoming a pastor, the whole thing.

You get the sense that when Bruce gets up to give his testimony, he probably says "yada yada" a lot.

He clarified that he knew the story of Christ and the way of forgiveness and a relationship with God. "I thought I had the best of both worlds. But the Scripture is clear that you can't serve two masters. You can't have it both ways. ..."

As we've discussed previously (see "The real sin of the Rev. Bruce Barnes"), Bruce didn't have the best of any world in his sad, somnambular existence before The Event. The scripture he alludes to above says, "You cannot serve God and Mammon," but Bruce wasn't serving either one. His was exactly the kind of twilit misery -- wholly devoid of either pleasure or meaning -- that C.S. Lewis' Screwtape prescribes as the living death of Hell on earth, yet somehow LaHaye and Jenkins have confused this with Bruce's living the high life.

It's telling, too, that Bruce's wretched, Babbit-like existence is also said to have been outwardly indistinguishable from that of Irene or Vernon Billings or any of the other real RTCs at New Hope Village Church. Look again at that initial summary -- "being raised in a Christian home, going to Bible college, marrying a Christian, becoming a pastor, the whole thing" -- and see if even the authors themselves don't sound a bit bored by the mundane tedium of it. I suppose that's a side-effect of believing that one's primary calling in life is sitting around and waiting for the end of the world. That's not terribly easy to distinguish from sitting around and waiting to die. I imagine Christ had something different in mind when he offered his followers the promise of "life ... to the full."

"You can't have it both ways. I discovered that truth in the severest way." And he told of losing his family and friends, everyone dear to him. He wept as he spoke. "The pain is every bit as great today as it was when it happened," he said.

Well, yeah, since it only happened 10 days ago. As a former visitation pastor, Bruce really ought to know that 10 days is still pretty early in the process for coping with the loss of one's entire family.

But then Bruce's pain isn't primarily due to his loss of "his family and friends." Everyone else on earth has been dealt that same blow, yet no one else is portrayed as Bruce is, wracked by grief, shaken to the core and perpetually on the verge of tears. That's because they're not dealing with what he's dealing with -- the truth he discovered "in the severest way." The real cause of Bruce's pain is that he rejected the LaHaye Jesus and thus missed out on his chance to participate fully in the glorious cosmic I Told You So.

Then Bruce outlined, as Rayford had done, the plan of salvation from beginning to end.

Here, once again, we readers are told that someone is told "the plan of salvation," without our being able to read what that is. That's a curious repeated omission in a book that both authors insist was intended, foremost, for evangelism (although there are links for the unsaved at leftbehind.com). I would have been interested to read the highlights of the authors' version of this outline of the plan of salvation. (I'm guessing it wouldn't be the version that begins, "There was a man who had two sons ..." And, despite their enthusiasm for every other passage about the end of the world, I'm absolutely certain it wouldn't be the version that begins, "When the Son of Man comes in his glory ...")

Buck's response to all of this rings partly true:

Buck grew nervous, anxious. He wanted a break. He interrupted and asked if Bruce wanted to know a little more about him.

Here I'm guessing that, as with the descriptions of O'Hare Airport, Jenkins is working from firsthand knowledge. He has been in Bruce's shoes and he has seen how the person in Buck's situation responds. They seem nervous, increasingly anxious, as though they're looking for a break -- perhaps even an escape. Jenkins may not have correctly interpreted these signals, but at least he recognized them and does a capable job here of describing what they look like.

Buck told of his own history, concentrating most on the Russia/Israel conflict and the roughly 14 months since. "I can see," Bruce said at last, "that God is trying to get your attention."

The Russia/Israel conflict mentioned there is what Buck earlier called "the Israel miracle," the explicitly divine destruction of the entire Russian air force. So here is the one certain thing we have learned from this book about "the plan of salvation from beginning to end" -- it means one thing for people like Rayford and Buck and something else entirely for all those Russian (and Ethiopian) pilots. Those tens of thousands of people lived and then violently died, apparently, just so God could try to get Buck's attention.

That may sound like I'm reading too much into Bruce's offhand comment, but this is actually the plot of the book -- of the whole series. This is the basis of LaHaye's entire End Times scheme. He believes that in the last days, God will try to get our attention through a series of massive and increasingly lethal miracles. It's less Judgment Day than divine tantrum.

Left Behind offers a convincing illustration of LaHaye's notion that such a flamboyant and wantonly destructive God might succeed in catching our attention. But even more so the book serves to illustrate that such a God would not deserve it.

A God deserving of our attention would be "a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity." That's Jonah's description of God, but the unholy prophet did not intend it as praise. Jonah -- LaHaye's spiritual ancestor -- was seething with anger over God's compassion. He refused to accept that all of those Ninevites -- all of those Russian and Ethiopian pilots, those Assyrians and Babylonians and New Babylonians, all of those enemies of the Tribulation Force -- should be spared the calamity he desperately wished to see befall them.

But the Lord said, "Ninevah has more than 120,000 people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

¹ Hmm. Put it that way and this sentence, which initially struck me as flagrantly awful, suddenly seems to be inadvertently insightful and useful. It gets at something I often find unsettling and unconvincing in the musical/liturgical style sometimes called "contemporary worship" (if you're unfamiliar with the genre, google "Hillsong" -- or just imagine "Kumbaya" on steroids).

At its worst (and it's not always at its worst), this "worship music" strikes me as a kind of overacting -- a desperate effort to be perceived as earnest that leaves me with the sour aftertaste of disingenuousness. The performers of such worship would likely respond that I'm not the one they're seeking to impress. Their intended audience is God, and God knows they're sincere. But I don't think that's quite true either. The real intended audience -- the listener such worship seeks most to influence -- is the performers themselves. The goal of such performances seems to be to achieve a state in which one is, to borrow Jenkins' accidentally insightful phrase, "nearly staggered by the emotion and humility one hears in one's own voice."

² I know two airline pilots fairly well and neither I nor anyone else who knows them calls them "captain." We all simply refer to them, respectively, as "Billy" and "Billy's idiot brother-in-law."

³ The distinction between "Bible college" and seminary conveys a universe of cultural meaning, the full extent of which can be difficult to convey to those not intimately acquainted with the American evangelical subculture. The Bible college is a strange and tenuous institution -- a structure designed to provide higher education while simultaneously accommodating fervent anti-intellectualism. Bible colleges are not, as they are sometimes portrayed, the evangelical equivalent of seminaries. The evangelical equivalent of seminaries are evangelical seminaries. The seminary/Bible college cultural divide is thus not between mainline Protestants and evangelicals, but between evangelicals and anti-intellectual evangelicals. In those parts of evangelicalism where anti-intellectualism is most fervent, Bible college is viewed as the proper destination for Real, True Christians while seminary is viewed as the secularized realm of pointy-headed intellectuals who have substituted fancy book-larnin' for a genuine relationship with a personal savior.

(PMD prophecy enthusiasts like LaHaye -- a seminary graduate -- are a bit more complicated. They're part of the anti-intellectual camp, but they're also obsessed with the trappings of scholarship and the desire to have their prophecy studies viewed as academically legitimate. Hence places like Dallas Theological Seminary.)

There are a few Bible colleges that manage to transcend the limitations of their anti-intellectual heritage, and there are more than a few qualified people teaching in Bible colleges throughout the country. Having said that, I would strongly discourage anyone from spending their money attending any institution with the appellation "Bible college."

Comments

[Jesurgislac]

You get the sense that when Bruce gets up to give his testimony, he probably says "yada yada" a lot.

*chortles*

Yay, Left Behind Friday!

[Fraser]

First!

Even so, I am staggered by the emotion and humility in this post.

I agree, even though we know Steele is a "scientific type" and a first rate intellectual mind, it's hard to see why anyone would accept his version of the Event and not check with someone who's (presumably) a little more versed in matters of faith.

But of course, that would require the GIRAT to be competent. And all the readers already know Rayford is right, so what would be the point?

[Robb]

Yet another great analysis Fred, but your lack non-LB posts of non-LB posts is a bit troubling - the move go ok? I'd throw out the whole "I'll pray for you, brother", but I can't even type it out without smirking ridiculously. Still, a whole range of Evangelicals, non-Evangelicals, non-theists, and non-categorized appreciate you & what you write about.

[Jesurgislac]

And...

(since I suspect Fred is still extremely busy)

Yes, Typepad now paginates comments into 25-comment groups. This sucks and we hate it and we hope Fred changes it when he has time.

Meantime, we are entertaining ourselves with Thursday Flame Wars that last all week long.

To get to the last page, click "Next" at the bottom of the first page, and replace the 2 in "comments/page/2/#comments" with some improbably high number.

To see the whole thread unpaginated, click "Preview".

And because this news is worth repeating: CJMR is having a baby! *does happy Kermit dance*

PS Fraser: First!

Second, actually, but who's counting? The trick is to type fast!

Robb: Yet another great analysis Fred, but your lack non-LB posts of non-LB posts is a bit troubling - the move go ok?

Yeah, I was wondering that. But any move acquires a lot of ancillary tasks that eat up more time than you think they will, and then more time than that again. :-(

Thinking good thoughts for you, Fred, and thanks for keeping up with Left Behind Friday.

[Robb]

There are a few Bible colleges that manage to transcend the limitations of their anti-intellectual heritage, and there are more than a few qualified people teaching in Bible colleges throughout the country.

And outside the U.S., things are quite a bit better - my alma mater contains a contingent of profs & supporters desparate to shed the "Bible College/Bible institute" label completely, simply because of the historical associations of such places.

[Vermic]

Hmm. Put it that way and this sentence, which initially struck me as flagrantly awful, suddenly seems to be inadvertently insightful and useful.

I think that is in fact the way Jenkins was intending it: that Buck, unsaved and selfish till recently, is surprised to find a streak of honest humility within himself. It's still an awful sentence, though. For one thing, "staggered" is a rather hyperbolic way of putting things: this is a quiet moment and Buck's reaction should be more understated and, you know, humble. And for another, the whole thing reads too readily as "Buck was really, really proud of how humble he was being."

"It might have made sense to get a pastor's view for my story, but people can guess what pastors think, especially based on the other people I'm quoting."

Buck really is the worst reporter ever (WIRAT?). This may be why he never writes articles. People can already guess what goes on in the world and the reactions of others to it, so there's no need to report on it and stuff. It would be like if I (a corporate accountant) said, "Well, the CFO can already guess what the numbers are supposed to look like, so I don't have to do anything! Time to read blogs all day!"

[histrogeek]

Maybe Steele is actual in league with the Antichrist or else has some of that personal mojo that Nick Greatdividingrange has. Both have the creepy ability to get people to fawn all of them for no observable or explored reason. Why is Bucky (or perhaps we should start calling him Captain America) or even Bruce Barnes (who at least knows what's going on, while Steele is just a control freak) be impressed by this guy? If Barnes has a man-crush on a friggin airplane pilot, why isn't he orgasming over a Pulitizer Prize winner looking to him for help?
What a weird little world they live in...

[Lucia]

Having neglected it earlier, I must begin with: Congrats, CJMR and CJMR's husband and CJMR's kids! (Including the one who occasions all the congrats.)

In the movie, of which, heaven help me, I've watched maybe 15 minutes, Bruce Barnes is in fact black, and he's also a good deal older than Buck and noticeably older than Rayford. He plays better that way, as I understand to be true of many differences between the movie and the book(s).

[Abelardus]

On today's "praise music":

My neighborhood -- well, the neighborhood where I went to high school -- has a Christian coffeehouse. (How can a coffeehouse be religious?) I've been a couple times, more for company than for theology (and the folk there, young and old, aren't narrow-minded, maybe a little ingenuous); but sometimes, sitting downstairs drinking my coffee, I'll hear someone singing "Awesome God" on karaoke upstairs.

At that point I'm reminded of Fred's dissertation on contemporary praise music during his Friday post. And I pray fervently that whoever is or will become a minister goes to seminary and not to bible college.

Off-topic, but at least not flamewar-like.

[Elmo]

I am so glad that I swallowed that mouthful of coffee just before reading about the glorious cosmic I Told You So. I am quite sure that I would have been trying to cope with a hazy brown film on the monitor while attempting to get the liquid out of the keyboard. But my homage today is reserved for a comment hidden away in a footnote.
The Bible college is a strange and tenuous institution -- a structure designed to provide higher education while simultaneously accommodating fervent anti-intellectualism.
This fits in almost perfectly with a comment from an article I read earlier today which mentioned the Dobson Focus on the Family insistence that only the Bible is a proper guide for raising children -- who are born sinful and must be properly disciplined by an authoritarian (some might say abusive) father. All that namby-pamby psychobabble about how children raised in authoritarian households learn how to follow orders is just claptrap. You have to beat the devil out of children when they misbehave.
Bible college and its devotion to anti-intellectualism is another way to keep people in line. Rigid rules. "Girls" wear dresses an "Men" wear pants. No dancing. No lace -- tightie whities only and inspections for offwhite stains. Of course -- Falwell's comment that Christians, like slaves, need to follow orders makes perfect sense now.

[The Cynic Sage]

My neighborhood -- well, the neighborhood where I went to high school -- has a Christian coffeehouse. (How can a coffeehouse be religious?) I've been a couple times, more for company than for theology (and the folk there, young and old, aren't narrow-minded, maybe a little ingenuous); but sometimes, sitting downstairs drinking my coffee, I'll hear someone singing "Awesome God" on karaoke upstairs.

Hey, it beats "I Can Sing of Your Love Forever."

[Abelardus]

Jesurgislac, thanks for the suggestions at 2:14.

[Abelardus]

Hey, it beats "I Can Sing of Your Love Forever."

Then I'm sure I don't want to know about it. Thanks for the warning; now let's never discuss praise music again.

I should probably ritually cleanse myself after even hearing about that song....

[Robb]

Bible college and its devotion to anti-intellectualism is another way to keep people in line. Rigid rules. "Girls" wear dresses an "Men" wear pants. No dancing.

And yet. . . I had so much fun in Bible College stepping just over the many legalistic lines. Breaking/bending/dancing on rules is SOOooooo much fun when there are people around (albeit, not many by the time I attended - the "blue & pink" zones of gender exclusion were out with the 60s) that would get purple faced with rage at the mere thought of youthful/sinful hooliganery. In some ways, I almost wish I could go back, to break into the steam tunnels & play co-ed, underwear only paintball again....

[jamoche]

How can a coffeehouse be religious?

Well, good coffee can be a religious experience. :)

[Jenny Islander]

My neighborhood has an Orthodox Christian coffeehouse the proceeds of which go to support a group of monks who like to go skateboarding in full monastic attire in their off hours. Noooooo praise music. Although I would take a camera to record the expression of the manager if I happened to ask for some to be added to the usual mix.

[Izzy]

Ugh, praise music.

It used to be that one of the few things I approved of, re: Catholicism, was their music. It was old and sonorous. It had the weight of tradition. It sounded like the sort of thing that should, in fact, be played on five-hundred-year-old pipe organs. Ideally during a kung-fu battle against superevolved mitochondria, but what the hell, I play a lot of videogames.

Not so much any more. Not at all. Plus, apparently, Catholic weddings in my part of the world have evolved this obnoxious tradition of having the bride and groom stand up at the altar while someone sings an entire praise song. Or a glurge-y religious love song. They don't sing or anything; they just stand there. This, in addition to the Catholic tradition of having full-service Mass at weddings, results in what I can only rip off Tomato Nation to describe as deep-tissue boredom. (I have fourteen cousins. On either side. Most of them are at That Age. I'm either going to kill myself or flee the country.)

Although being the only family still in the pew during Communion is occasionally funny. "We're with the bride...and SATAN!"

[Abelardus]

Well, good coffee can be a religious experience. :)

Jamoche, that's beautiful.

And on the topic of James Dobson -- I'm going to hell for getting off-topic again, aren't I? -- yesterday in speech class my colleagues and I gave demonstration speeches. One of my classmates, a young mother, gave a demonstration (in a way) on how to discipline a child. Using a book on childrearing by "Dr." James Dobson. (Wasn't Kevorkian a doctor, too?) And as spazzy as I can get on hot-button issues, I'm surprised I didn't shout him down as an apologist -- according to Our Beloved Fred -- for child- and wife-beating. Not literally shout him down ... Whatever; she added in her experience, which made it seem reasonable.

[Robb]

a group of monks who like to go skateboarding in full monastic attire in their off hours.

That is the most mime-stabbingly awesome thing I've ever heard - you need to get a camera to record that!

[damnedyankee]

How can a coffeehouse be religious?

Well, good coffee can be a religious experience. :)

Coffeehouse I used to go to featured a highly caffeinated blend called "Deadman's Reach". A couple of cups of that would make Lazarus come forth while Jesus was still making his way up the road to the tomb.

"It might have made sense to get a pastor's view for my story, but people can guess what pastors think, especially based on the other people I'm quoting."

"Like Captain Steele."

Buck nodded.

And the random staffers at Global Biannually.

[yagowe]

How can a coffeehouse be religious?

Capuchin monks?

[Chris]

"Having said that, I would strongly discourage anyone from spending their money attending any institution with the appellation "Bible college.""

Amen, brother. I know many people who've gone to Bible college. The rules that exist at some of those places are ridiculous, at best. I'm always amazed that there are kids who knock themselves out to pay for the "privilege" of attending a Bible college and essentially pay to get treated like they're still a teenager.

[damnedyankee]

Ideally during a kung-fu battle against superevolved mitochondria, but what the hell, I play a lot of videogames.

A Parasite EVE reference! Izzy iz teh shiznit.

That is the most mime-stabbingly awesome thing I've ever heard - you need to get a camera to record that!

Seconded, on condition that I may use the term "mime-stabbingly awesome" at some unspecified future point.

[cjmr's husband]

Capuchin monks?

Nah, if you want religious orders, you have to go to a fish'n'chips shop.

"Are you the fish friar?"
"No, I'm the chip monk."

[ohiolibrarian]

How can a coffeehouse be religious?

When I went to college in the '70s, there were lots of Christian coffeehouses, even before Starbucks and the revival of actually drinking coffee. I think they were supposed to be alternatives to going out to bars and other alcohol-laden events.

[Robb]

Seconded, on condition that I may use the term "mime-stabbingly awesome" at some unspecified future point.

Please do - everyone should use that. It's my fav adjective modifier.

[twig]

They force one to stop, turn around and inspect the ground, wondering how such a strange and hazardous thing could have ended up there in the middle of the sidewalk

Thank you for writing with such wit and ease. It is always a joy to read.

[damnedyankee]

Please do - everyone should use that. It's my fav adjective modifier.

Glee! In exchange, I offer my favorite way to answer the phone:

"Spanish Holy Office. This is Father Domingo, assistant to the Chief Inquisitor. How can I help you?"

I know, I know, you didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition...

[Bugmaster]

Ideally during a kung-fu battle against superevolved mitochondria, but what the hell, I play a lot of videogames.

Liberate !

Izzy, your mention of today's Catholic music reminds me of Stephen Colbert talking about Mitt Romney disowning Mormon polygyny: he compared it Catholic guitar mass -- you've got to own up to your Church's travesties!

Of course to be clear I'm not Catholic, but I've been to a Catholic church three times (if memory serves) in my life, once for a friend's wedding and twice for younger relatives' confirmations -- the latter two at different times. There wasn't much music; a kind of rhythmic repetition of scripture for my little niece's confirmation, however.

I'm a regular chatty Cathy today, aren't I?

[Abelarus]

That's my post at 3:09.

[Hawker Hurricane]

Well, long time reader, first time poster. Spent the past 6 months reading all the posts and commentary, and finally caught up today. Just in time for LB Friday!

I have read brochures for various Bible Colleges, and wondered why any almost-adult would voluntarily have themselves treated like that. It was (by the description) worse than anything I went through in boot, with added sillyness. I mean, I can't hold hands with a girl out in town? Much less kiss or hug a girl not a relative? And other sillyness. At least the Navy didn't care so long as you didn't get the uniform dirty.

May I be the first to point out on this thread that the slash writes itself? A Girat Buck/Rev. Barnes/Captain Steele three way seems to be in order, with the Captain on the pivot point...

All this stuff about calling a airline pilot "captain" reminds me of George Carlin's routine about air travel. "Who made this guy a captain? Did we have a military ceremony while the stewardess was telling us how to use a seat belt? Let him be satisfied to be a pilot. Tell the 'captain' that 'Air Marshall Carlin' told him to get over himself."

I feel like commenting more, maybe after lunch...

[kcs_hiker]

refreshing to find that I'm not the only one who has to fight the gag reflex during praise worship.

[Abelardus]

Then may I be the first -- if I post quickly enough -- to welcome you, Hawker Hurricane, to LB Fridays. Bring on the night.

[aunursa]

Buck's response to all of this rings partly true:

Buck grew nervous, anxious. He wanted a break. He interrupted and asked if Bruce wanted to know a little more about him.
Here I'm guessing that, as with the descriptions of O'Hare Airport, Jenkins is working from firsthand knowledge. He has been in Bruce's shoes and he has seen how the person in Buck's situation responds. They seem nervous, increasingly anxious, as though they're looking for a break -- perhaps even an escape.

As the object of such a personal, face-to-face evangelism session -- by an Evangelical pastor who converted from Judaism -- I can attest to this desire to escape. (Of course, had I known then what I know now, I would have had some fun throwing curveballs at him.)

Those tens of thousands of people lived and then violently died, apparently, just so God could try to get Buck's attention.

Well, it was an unprovoked attack on Israel. It would be one thing if God simply smote random Russians and Ethiopians in their homes.

[car]

I just want to say that I'm so, so, so thankful for LB Fridays, especially when Fred's so busy. We love you Fred!

[cjmr's husband]

I was listening to Air Marshall Carlin on my last flight. It really adds to the experience.

[Tonio]

How can a coffeehouse be religious?

I know of at least two Christian outlet stores. I suppose that for every Presbyterian you buy, you get two Lutherans at half price.

[Richard Hershberger]

Ah, yes, "Awesome God". When I moved to this state about five years ago I went church shopping. I remember one where I was handed a bulletin which revealed I had walked in on Youth Sunday *shudder*. I knew it was going to be bad, but resolved to try to not hold it against his church, and to come back. Then as we were singing "Awesome God" (my first encounter with that modern classic) I looked around and observed that the other parishioners were singing along without having to look at the words. I didn't go back, after all.

I now attend a church were we sing Bach anthems and the like. It's forty-five minutes away, but well worth it.

[Nobody_Special]

The sentence as a whole was, I think, intended to convey the idea that Buck is humble.

Buck's a humble man because he's got a lot to be humble about!

[Shem]

While I've never listened to praise music much (thank Baal), my TV-watching habits do seem to bring those ads for Time-Life praise music compilation CDs across my screen way too often. And I can't help watching and wondering: is it just me, or does every one of those CD collections include the exact same songs? Is there really that little variety in the genre?

[Robb]

Presbyterian you buy, you get two Lutherans at half price.

Yeah, but be careful at those "Evangelical Free" churches - their prices are much higher than advertised. . .

[Tonio]

In "Awesome God," is the first word used in the classic sense or the surfer-dude sense? I've never heard the song. If the meaning is the latter, that reminds me of the Buddy Christ from "Dogma."

[DN]

a group of monks who like to go skateboarding in full monastic attire in their off hours.

> That is the most mime-stabbingly awesome thing I've ever heard - you need to get a camera to record that!

Robb @ 2:58, here in the San Francisco area we have lots of roller-skating nuns. (They often have beards, too.) Will that do?

You ought to be able to find video of them on YouTube. Keywords: "perpetual indulgence." (I'm at work or I'd look it up for you...)

[Abelardus]

Tonio, I don't even know. By inference they equate the Creator of the Universe with Baal Stormgod -- lightning bolts in his fist and all that. But then YHWH and Baal did have a contest to see who would light their respective altar with lightning.

[Izzy]

Thanks, guys! I have to admit I haven't beaten the game yet: I have the coordination of a stoned duck. While I can get good enough to thwomp the crazy boss in standard battle, I cannot run away from its Final Unkillable Form of DOOM fast enough, and I get munched. (See also: that fucking SH3 scene with the haunted house and the red light. I wish there was a setting for people like me...)

Abelarus: See, that's what I remember from my youth. Some instrumental stuff going in and out, maybe some singing if it's a Christmas service or something. Now there's all these warbling women in flowered dresses, and it's severely creepy.

[Nobody_Special]

"I once had wealth, power and the love of a beautiful woman. ... It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family ...

Does meeting Bruce Barnes mean Buck's found his "special purpose"?

[Keith]

Although being the only family still in the pew during Communion is occasionally funny. "We're with the bride...and SATAN!"

I hear ya, Izzy. My wife and I had a Catholic ceremony. It was weird, to say the least. Mexican Catholics have a tradition where a married couple throw a lasso around the bride and groom. I so am not making this up. Everyone thought it truly weird when I went with my wife to offer incense to the Virgin (I offered it to Aphrodite, just to be contrary). And we had to skip communion since my family are all a bunch of heretics (i.e., Lutherans) my best man was actually a woman and Jewish and half the wedding party were unaffiliated, spiritually speaking.

[Alan]

Be honest Fred -- you've been waiting to use this title since the day you started writing LBF, haven't you?

[Hawker Hurricane]

Ohiolibrarian: Hola, fellow library person. Although my current job title is "Classified Material Custodian", it's like being a librarian... in a bank vault.

Caffiene jags are great for wild political planning, not so good for romance. So, coffee shops as a replacement for bars, I don't think so.

Catholics used to have the best church music. I've got a great story about "Christian Music Store", but I'll save it for later.

I think the disappearance of the Entire Russian Air Farce and Nuclear Arsenal during a attack on Isreal would convince me. As for the missing Ethiopian force, I would send a policeman to look for it...

Must see if I can get Carlin's routine on my IPod for my next plane trip.