L.B.: Doin' the deal

Left Behind, pp. 443-448

In the final pages of the penultimate chapter of Left Behind, Jerry Jenkins tries to ratchet up the suspense before Buck Williams' encounter with the Antichrist.

The supposedly suspenseful questions -- Will Buck get saved? Is Nicolae the Antichrist? Or is it really Stonagal? -- aren't all that suspenseful. The answers are thuddingly obvious (yes, yes and no, duh, respectively). Yet despite that, the conclusion of this book does involve a bit of suspense. After 400+ pages of non-sequitur plot developments, inconsistent characterization and glaring continuity errors, the reader approaches the end of this book with the realization that anything, absolutely anything, might happen. Since the normal rules of plot, character, motive, logic, physics, human nature, and cause and effect do not apply then anything goes.

Bruce Barnes warned that the Antichrist is planning some "show of strength," something big. In a normal book, that would seem ominous, but we have no idea what to make of such a suggestion here in the world of L.B. In this world, no one seems particularly impressed by a nuclear holocaust or the disappearance of every child from earth, yet the sight of two guys tripping and dying held the entire planet spellbound. In such a deliriously strange world, readers have no way of knowing what a "show of strength" might mean. That provides suspense, of a sort, just not the kind the authors seem to intend.

Buck's credentials were waiting for him at an information desk in the U.N. lobby. He was directed up to a private conference room off the suite of offices into which Nicolae Carpathia had already moved. Buck was at least 20 minutes early, but as he emerged from the elevator he felt alone in a crowd. He saw no one he recognized as he began the long walk down a corridor of glass and steel leading to the room where he was to join Steve, the 10 designated ambassadors representing the permanent members of the new Security Council, several aides and advisers to the new secretary-general (including Rosenzweig, Stonagal, and various other members of his international brotherhood of financial wizards), and of course, Carpathia himself.

So Buck is headed for a room full of people, at least 20, most of whom he has never seen before. And here he is walking down the hallway to that room and the hallway is full of people he has never seen before. Yet somehow Buck knows that these unrecognizable strangers are a different set of unrecognizable strangers. So who are all these people in the hall and what are they doing there? Don't worry about that. They're just Other People, and if there's one thing we've learned from Left Behind, it's that Other People don't matter.

We're about to get another four pages of Buck in anxious, fretting, full-of-dread mode. Since Buck is also Jenkins' Mary Sue surrogate, this description needs yet again to be prefaced with a disclaimer reminding readers that Buck is a manly man's man and that all of this fear and worry should in no way be interpreted as suggesting that he is anything other than a hard-charging, vigorous alpha male.

Buck had always been energetic and confident. Others had noticed his purposeful stride on assignment. ...

Keep in mind this is Buck's perspective here. We never read of those others actually noticing his purposeful stride, energy and confidence. All we read is his assumption that his must be something others must have noticed about him.

This is all you really need to know about Buck (or about Rayford Steele, for that matter). Will Ferrell has made a career out of playing this exact character -- the self-centered incompetent with epically disproportionate self-confidence. Buck is just like any of those interchangeable Ferrell characters -- Ricky Bobby, Ron Burgundy, George W. Bush. (Tell me you can't hear Bush's voice saying this: "Others have noticed mah ... purp-oseful strad.")

Others had noticed his purposeful stride on assignment. Now his gait was slow and unsure, and with every step his dread increased. The lights seemed to grow dimmer, the walls close in. His pulse increased and he had a sense of foreboding.

There are several more paragraphs of this --

What he feared, he knew, was not mortal danger. At least not now, not here. The closer he got to the conference room, the more he was repelled by a sense of evil, as if personified in that place. ... He was nearly paralyzed by the atmosphere of blackness. He wanted to be anywhere but there. ... he felt the darkest anguish of his soul ...

We get two full pages of this overheated, Lovecraftian dread between the elevator and the door to the conference room. Somewhere in the midst of all that: "Buck found himself silently praying, God, be with me. Protect me." And then, on the following page:

He tried to force himself toward the door, his thoughts deafening. Again he cried out to God, and he felt a coward -- just like everyone else, praying in the foxhole. ...

Yet he did not belong to God. Not yet.

Buck is still standing in the hallway when Steve Plank finally spots him.

"Buck! We're almost ready to begin. Come on in."

But Buck felt terrible, panicky. "Steve, I need to run to the washroom. Do I have a minute?"

Steve glanced at his watch. "You've got five," he said.

The last time these two spoke, Steve was darkly hinting that Buck shouldn't ask too many questions about the group assembled for this meeting or both of their lives might be in danger. Steve was so spooked in that conversation that he wouldn't even mention Carpathia or Stonagal by name. "Staten Island," he had warned Buck. "Staten Island!"

Here, however, Steve seems chipper and carefree. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Either are just a few yards away, but this no longer seems to trouble him.

Lots of thrillers feature just this sort of unsettling shift from whispering coded warnings to cheery bonhomie. The mysterious stranger full of ominous threats in the previous scene is now smiling broadly, but the smile seems a bit forced and he seems to be stealing furtive glances over his shoulder. Or there's the Stepford/Body Snatchers variation, in which the now cheerful character seems genuinely puzzled by any reference to their earlier warnings. Such devices are so familiar that at first one suspects something like that was intended here.

But it's not. This is just more Bad Writing.

You'll recall that ever since Buck got off the phone with Steve he's been trying to figure out what exactly his old boss had meant by "he moves mountains." Was that a reference to Carpathia or to Stonagal? Here's his chance to ask Steve which he meant, and to ask him some of the other questions Buck urgently needs answered before he goes into that meeting. Yet he doesn't ask any of those questions. He doesn't mention their previous conversation at all. Like Steve -- and the authors -- Buck seems to have forgotten that conversation even took place.

A bit of accidental realism follows here, as Steve does what someone always seems to do if you've only got five minutes before a big meeting and you're trying to run to the washroom -- he keeps Buck standing there, talking:

"When you get back, you'll be right over there."

Steve pointed to a chair at one corner of a square block of tables. The journalist in Buck liked it. The perfect vantage point. His eyes darted to the nameplates in front of each spot. He would face the main table, where Carpathia had placed himself directly next to Stonagal ... or had Stonagal been in charge of the seating?

One of these two men was responsible for the murders of Dirk Burton, Alan Tompkins and Eric Miller. One of them -- probably the same one -- was also the Beast, the Antichrist, the embodiment of evil. But which one? Obviously, it was whoever had been in charge of the seating arrangements.

Next to Carpathia on the other side was a hastily hand-lettered nameplate with "Personal Assistant" written on it. "Is that you?" Buck said.

"Nope," Steve pointed at the corner opposite Buck's chair.

How can they see opposite corners of this block of tables from out here in the hallway?

"Is Todd-Cothran here?" Buck said.

"Of course. Right there in the light gray."

The Brit looked insignificant enough. But just beyond him were both Stonagal -- in charcoal -- and Carpathia, looking perfect in a black suit, white shirt, electric-blue tie, and a gold stickpin. Buck shuddered at the sight of him, but Carpathia flashed a smile and waved him over. Buck signaled that he would be a minute. "Now you've got only four minutes," Steve said. "Get going."

I'm not sure if the sartorial shades of gray here are meant to be symbolic. (Evil. Evil-er. Evil-est!) If we're dressing the bad guys in black, then Todd-Cothran would seem to deserve a darker shade. He is, after all, a cop-killer and proud of it. He was also, very nearly, a GIRAT-killer. Buck magnanimously seems willing to let that pass. He decides T-C is "insignificant enough" (enough for what?).

Buck put his bag in a corner next to a heavyset, white-haired security guard, waved at his old friend Chaim Rosenzweig, and jogged to the washroom. He placed a janitor's bucket outside and locked the door.

Did he just barricade the outside of the door? That seems like a neat trick. And what is it with this guy and bathrooms?

Buck backed up against the door, thrust his hands deep into his pockets, and dropped his chin to his chest, remembering Bruce's advice that he could talk to God the same way he talked to a friend. "God," he said, "I need you, and not just for this meeting."

And as he prayed he believed. This was no experiment, no halfhearted attempt. He wasn't just hoping or trying something out. Buck knew he was talking to God himself. He admitted he needed God, that he knew he was as lost and as sinful as anyone. He didn't specifically pray the prayer he had heard others talk about, but when he finished he had covered the same territory and the deal was done.

I've written several times in this series about the pornographic nature of the conversion scenes in a lot of Christian-branded fiction. Spiritual intimacy, like sexual intimacy, does not lend itself comfortably to observation and description. Such scenes, if rendered too explicitly, seem like a violation of privacy and like a reduction of something transcendant.

Buck's Big Conversion Scene here is, thankfully, underplayed without too much graphic detail. Yet despite that, it still seems coarsely reductive. "The deal was done." (Just try to imagine someone using that phrase in their testimony during an evangelistic revival.)

The authors here seem to have anticipated our "magic words" critique of this book's notion of personal(ized) salvation, clearly stating here that one can still "do the deal" even if one doesn't use the exact syntax of the official prayer. You can paraphrase a little, they suggest, and the magic spell will still work. It's still a magic spell, though.

It's also interesting that for all the talk in this book about "praying The Prayer" (or a close paraphrase of The Prayer for nonconformist rebels like Buck), the authors never really tell us what, exactly, The Prayer is. They've got a "Seeking God" section on Leftbehind.com, and they offer a 24-hour toll-free number (1-866-321-SEEK) where you can "Talk to someone about your eternity," but the book itself never spells out the spell. That seems, from their perspective, like a pretty big oversight.

The passage above does give us a few hints about "the territory" that The Prayer needs to cover in order to get the deal done, the core of which seems to be this: "He admitted he needed God, that he knew he was as lost and as sinful as anyone." That's almost a confession -- although of what, exactly, it's hard to say.

We should also note that, as with Rayford's Big Conversion Scene earlier, love never enters the picture. Not God's love for Buck. Not Buck's love for God. Buck admits to his share of some vague, generic "sinfulness," but that doesn't seem to have anything to do with love, or the lack thereof, either. I could go on here about how appallingly screwed up that is, but this confusion is, alas, not confined to LaHaye and Jenkins in particular, or even to premillennial dispensationalists.

The newly converted Buck returns to the conference room:

When he walked in, everyone was in place -- Carpathia, Stonagal, Todd-Cothran, Rosenzweig, Steve, and the financial powers and ambassadors. And one person Buck never expected -- Hattie Durham. He stared, dumbfounded, as she took her place as Nicolae Carpathia's personal assistant. She winked at him, but he did not acknowledge her.

Buck's only been a Christian for about four minutes, but already he's demonstrating everything Rayford taught him about the Christian male's duty of treating Hattie like dirt. This is also further proof that Nicolae is evil. Not only does he acknowledge Hattie, he's helping her with her career. Pure evil, that, luring a young woman into the wanton life of a career outside the home. From LaHaye's point of view, career-woman and working-girl are pretty much the same thing.

Meanwhile, Buck's spirit-sense is tingling:

While no special feeling had come with Buck's decision, he had a heightened sensitivity that something was happening here. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that the Antichrist of the Bible was in this room. And despite all he knew about Stonagal and what the man had engineered in England ... Buck sensed the truest, deepest, darkest spirit of evil as he watched Carpathia take his place. Nicolae waited till everyone was seated, then rose with pseudodignity.

The others may be fooled, but Buck, with his Jesus-powered "heightened sensitivity," is now able to tell the difference between dignity and "pseudodignity." As his new faith takes hold and his powers of discernment grow, Buck may soon also realize that "a black suit, white shirt, electric-blue tie, and a gold stickpin" is only pseudostylish.

"Gentlemen ... and lady," he began. ...

Yeah, that's right. Hattie is the only woman in the room. They expand the Security Council to 10 seats and it's still an all-boys club. (This is a bit surprising, actually, since you'd expect Tim LaHaye's notion of an evil cabal to include at least a token feminist. His wife Beverly, after all, heads up Concerned Women for America -- an antifeminist group dedicated to the proposition that no woman should head up anything.)

So as we head into the final chapter all of the supposedly suspenseful questions seem to have been dealt with. Buck's soul is saved and he's now mojo-proof. We've confirmed that Carpathia is, indeed, the black-suited Antichrist while Stonagal is merely a charcoal-suited wannabe. And we've all-but confirmed that Hattie is making the beast with two backs with the Beast with Ten Horns. All that's left for the last 20 pages is Nicolae's big "show of strength."

Comments

[aunursa]

where he was to join Steve, the 10 designated ambassadors representing the permanent members of the new Security Council, several aides and advisers to the new secretary-general (including Rosenzweig, Stonagal, and various other members of his international brotherhood of financial wizards), and of course, Carpathia himself.

The number of people that were at this meeting changes in the sequel Tribulation Force: it's only Buck, Steve, Nicky, Rosensweig, Stonagal, the Ten permanent SC members, the guard, and Nicky's personal assistant. No "various other members of the international brotherhood."

"Buck had been one of the seventeen in that United Nations meeting room."

[Ken]

Hey, I'm first for once!

We're about to get another four pages of Buck in anxious, fretting, full-of-dread mode. Since Buck is also Jenkins' Mary Sue surrogate, this description needs yet again to be prefaced with a disclaimer reminding readers that Buck is a manly man's man and that all of this fear and worry should in no way be interpreted as suggesting that he is anything other than a hard-charging, vigorous alpha male.

Buck had always been energetic and confident. Others had noticed his purposeful stride on assignment. ...

I wonder if this is Jenkins talking to himself, convincing himself that he's not a talentless hack but a "hard-charging, vigorous alpha male" of a Best-Selling Author like Chris "Pao-Pao" Paolini. (Of course, this "vigorous alpha male" becomes properly submissive once he encounters an uber-Alpha-male Celebrity like "Rayford" LaHaye...)

My writing partner is a burned-out country pastor. He told me his denomination's major Bible College (which shall remain nameless) had none other than Jerry "Buck" Jenkins to speak at last year's graduation. His latest update was that the denomination got so much flak afterwards they said "never again".

[Spalanzani]

Hora~ay! Happy Left Behind Friday the 13th everyone! Right now there's a really big thunderstorm where I'm at, so the weather seems appropriate.

[Jessica]

Yayyyy! Left Behind Friday! And only 20 more pages to go!
Are we going to start Tribulation Force when we're finished with this one?

[Ken]

Did he just barricade the outside of the door? That seems like a neat trick. And what is it with this guy and bathrooms?

What is this with the canonical openings for slashfic we've seen throughout?

"Jerry, are you queer, boy?
Jerry, are you Queer?"

Buck backed up against the door, thrust his hands deep into his pockets, and dropped his chin to his chest, remembering Bruce's advice that he could talk to God the same way he talked to a friend. "God," he said, "I need you, and not just for this meeting."

And as he prayed he believed. This was no experiment, no halfhearted attempt. He wasn't just hoping or trying something out. Buck knew he was talking to God himself. He admitted he needed God, that he knew he was as lost and as sinful as anyone. He didn't specifically pray the prayer he had heard others talk about, but when he finished he had covered the same territory and the deal was done.

And here it is, as stated in the contract, THE OBLIGATORY ALTAR-CALL ENDING!

Buck's only been a Christian for about four minutes, but already he's demonstrating everything Rayford taught him about the Christian male's duty of treating Hattie like dirt.

Good line, Slack.

Meanwhile, Buck's spirit-sense is tingling:

As my Yaoi Sense has been doing throughout every Buck & Rayford scene.

...the 10 designated ambassadors representing the permanent members of the new Security Council...

I'm surprised they didn't boldface "10". (WARNING! IMPORTANT MESSAGE! TEN HORNS ARE TEN KINGS! IMPORTANT MESSAGE! IMPORTANT MESSAGE! YOING! YOING! YOING!) Nicky's sure been reading his Hal Lindsay.

[Robb]

pseudodignity

Best. Word. Ever.

[Nobody_Special]

In such a deliriously strange world, readers have no way of knowing what a "show of strength" might mean.

Given the upside down, left is right world the characters populate, it's probably a card trick:

Carpathia deftly reached his right hand inside his black suitcoat and quickly flashed his hand, palm out and cradling a playing card, inches from Buck's face.

"Is this your card, Mr. Williams?"

"No, No, NO! The Ace of SPADES!" Buck yelled, terrified. "Oh God, NICHOLAE, YOU ARE THE ANTI-CHRIST!"

[Becky]

Again he cried out to God [...] Yet he did not belong to God. Not yet.

So L&J's God doesn't answer prayers - even heartfelt cries - unless you've said the magic words. That's... something.

[Nobody_Special]

Buck may soon also realize that "a black suit, white shirt, electric-blue tie, and a gold stickpin" is only pseudostylish.

Yes, but every girl crazy for a sharp-dressed Anti-Christ.

[cminus]

Did he just barricade the outside of the door?

I read that as having placed the bucket outside the door (in the hopes that most people would assume the bathroom was closed for cleaning) and then going in and locking the door from the inside (in the hopes that anyone who still tried to come in would at least be delayed).

It's not much of a plan, but compared to L&J's usual it's practically "Mission: Impossible."

[Caravelle]

Yay LB Friday !
Did he just barricade the outside of the door? That seems like a neat trick.
Maybe he's trying to make it look like the bathroom is being cleaned ?

[Jeff Weskamp]

"Meanwhile, Buck's spirit-sense is tingling..."

So converting to Christianity grants you the ability to Detect Evil. Interesting. Is this an at-will ability, or does it have a limited number of uses per day?

In a few pages, we'll see that being a Christian prevents the Antichrist from altering your memories. That could be a Protection From Evil effect, which does prevent others from magically controlling you. Whether that would apply to a spell like Modify Memory or not would be the DM's call.

"And what is it with this guy and bathrooms?"

I'm starting to think that this guy likes bathrooms for the same reason Larry Craig did...

"It's also interesting that for all the talk in this book about "praying The Prayer" (or a close paraphrase of The Prayer for nonconformist rebels like Buck), the authors never really tell us what, exactly, The Prayer is."

That's because most of Left Behind's readers are already Christian; they've already said The Prayer. These books are a classic example of "preaching to the choir."

"Yeah, that's right. Hattie is the only woman in the room."

In the Left Behind movie, one of the ten members of the Security Council is an Asian woman, if I remember correctly.

[Robb]

So L&J's God doesn't answer prayers - even heartfelt cries - unless you've said the magic words. That's... something.

No, that's LaJenkins® Brand Christianity! That's right, now you can do away with messy relationships in favor of a simple Manichean transaction. You've tried the other denominations, but now you can try the best. Need to know where you stand with God©? Just a simple prayer transaction* & you're all right!

*Disclaimer - In order for full efficacy, prayer transactions must be passionately sincere as well as exhibiting sincere passion. Offer not valid for non U.S. citizens, those with distinctly ethnic sounding names, and women.

[Vermic]

Did he just barricade the outside of the door?

I think what is meant to be conveyed here is Buck trying to make it look as if the men's room is being cleaned. Maintenance staff usually leave their unused supplies outside the door while they work, signifying that the restroom is being cleaned and guests should please keep out. Professional cleaning crews tend to have a big ol' supply cart, not just a bucket, so this is probably a case of Jenkins failing to visualize the scene properly.

Bruce Barnes warned that the Antichrist is planning some "show of strength," something big.

Nicolae has already been named President of the Whole Wide World and declared that every nation surrender its weapons. What more is Bruce waiting for? Stonagal pulling a train caboose with his teeth?

[carovee]

@Jeff

OT, but just last night my husband bought the new D&D manual and wants me to play a short adventure with him so I can experience role playing. Point being that after reading said manual last night I understood your reference and now I'm super happy.

[Raj]

Buck admits to his share of some vague, generic "sinfulness,"

O hai Ceilin Cat! i maded Invisubul Error jus liek other kittehs, so i iz bad kitteh 2!

[Dylan]

"God," he said, "I need you, and not just for this meeting."

Is it just me, or does this seem like Buck is obviously lying to himself and to God about that last part? It seems like he's been much closer to real faith before this.

Becky's right--it's very mechanical, because God can't help him if he's not saved. So they have to skip past the details of how he manages to grasp the weight of sin, forgiveness, and commitment to God in five minutes while being terrified of the evil presence he's just encountered. (And be able to walk into a press conference immediately afterwards as if nothing happened, no less.)

[practicallyevil]

And as he prayed he believed. This was no experiment, no halfhearted attempt. He wasn't just hoping or trying something out. Buck knew he was talking to God himself. He admitted he needed God, that he knew he was as lost and as sinful as anyone. He didn't specifically pray the prayer he had heard others talk about, but when he finished he had covered the same territory and the deal was done.

You know, I've never read a Harlequin romance novel, but it seems to me that if you replaced the word "prayer," or "prayed" with some form of "to have sex," and "God," with a woman's name, (or man if you change Buck to a girl), you'd have a pretty good start.

[Raj]

... Nicolae's big "show of strength."

He used sarcasm!

[azazel]

He stared, dumbfounded, as she took her place as Nicolae Carpathia's personal assistant.

In sensible shoes?

[practicallyevil]

@Jeff

OT, but just last night my husband bought the new D&D manual and wants me to play a short adventure with him so I can experience role playing. Point being that after reading said manual last night I understood your reference and now I'm super happy

Oh, I just got the new books too, (my cousin works at a book store so I was able to get a copy before they sold out). Pro-tip, Halfling Rogue trickster build. Lots of fun and newb friendly, with lots of role playing opertunities, or if you just want to hit stuff and don't want things too complicated, Dragonborn Fighter. Not a lot of rules to keep track of with either pick, and the extra class rules confused the heck out of me when I first started.

[Prankster]

Probably the funniest installment of this series so far. Behold my pseudodignity! The deal is done!

[Lauren]

Why does the new world leader hire a "heavyset, white-haired security guard"?

truest, deepest, darkest spirit of evil

Can never have too many adjectives.

[Mau de Katt]

And we've all-but confirmed that Hattie is making the beast with two backs with the Beast with Ten Horns.

Hah! Great turn of phrase there!

Gads, it's almost over. I think I'm going to go into decompression shock when it is.

But isn't the next Left Behind Friday's project a critique of the first movie? I thought he'd already decided that, many moons back....

[Mau de Katt]

Why does the new world leader hire a "heavyset, white-haired security guard"?

Because the room has International Financiers in it, of course. What's a meeting of bankers, after all, without Traditional Bank Security Guards?

[Caravelle]

Pro-tip, Halfling Rogue trickster build. Lots of fun and newb friendly, with lots of role playing opertunities, or if you just want to hit stuff and don't want things too complicated, Dragonborn Fighter. Not a lot of rules to keep track of with either pick, and the extra class rules confused the heck out of me when I first started.

I'm a bit wary of halfing tricksters. I used to play this sort of character all the time because I think it's cool, but the thing is I'm not a very tricksy person so roleplaying was difficult, and I never got to do that much outside of picking locks. And even then half the time there's someone in the party who also has some lockpicking ability and I don't even get to do that.
Now I try and make fighter characters and it's a lot more fun. Though I think I made a mistake in giving my Fae firstborn water spirit 2 in dexterity... Strength doesn't do much if you can't even hit -_-

[Raj]

Vermic: I think what is meant to be conveyed here is Buck trying to make it look as if the men's room is being cleaned.

I got that impression too.

[KNOCK, KNOCK!]

"Anybody in there?"

"No, I mean, yes, er, I mean, uh, si, Senor! I the Heespaneec janeetor! Uh, bathroom is, uh, toilet broken! I'm repair- uh, I mean, I feex now! You can't come in - uh, I mean - you no come een!"

[tophergraceless]

So as we approach the end of this book the questions that I am left with are, is this book still popular among evangelicals? Why was it so popular in the first place? Someone please explain!

[jamoche]

Maintenance staff usually leave their unused supplies outside the door while they work, signifying that the restroom is being cleaned and guests should please keep out.

They also tend to leave the door open to make it even more obvious. But then, are we really expecting LaJenkins to ever have noticed how the janitors work?

[animus]

Obviously one or both of the authors has had an intense "conversion" experience in a public toilet.

Respect mah pseudodignitah!

[hapax]

I'm sorry. I just can't get over the fact that the Big Altar Call Ending is Buck hitting on THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA for a cheap fast f*ck in the men's room.

Talk about your anti-climax...

[Becky]

Why was it so popular in the first place?

Because it lets RTCs feel smug about how they're going to be in heaven while the rest of us suffer through the tribulation here on earth. I don't know if they're still popular... they're still making prequels and sequels and parallel series, so I guess they must be.

[Karen]

Hapax, there isn't enough brain bleach in North America to clean up the images brought up by the use of "anti-climax" in your post. And yeah, I'd imagine that the Creator of the Universe does have a "wide stance."

[Tehanu]

One of these two men was responsible for the murders of Dirk Burton, Alan Tompkins and Eric Miller. One of them -- probably the same one -- was also the Beast, the Antichrist, the embodiment of evil. But which one? Obviously, it was whoever had been in charge of the seating arrangements.

Obviously!!!!! Fred, this was one of your best yet!

[Thalia]

Altar call at the porcelain altar. Kneeling before the ceramic throne of God?

I'm just here, having a hard time with the images, as always.

[McJulie]

And as he prayed he believed. This was no experiment, no halfhearted attempt. He wasn't just hoping or trying something out.

The theological implications of this bit are interesting. It strongly suggests that, in the L&J world, you can't pray for faith -- only a prayer where you already believe is going to "work."

It suggests that a halting "are you there God? It's me, I need help" sort of prayer will never be answered.

And... it provides good cover for theological questions along the lines of, "I prayed the prayer and nothing happened!" L&J can always say, "My dear, that's because you didn't really believe. Try again!"

[animus]

They've got a "Seeking God" section on Leftbehind.com

I imagine it as something like Where's Wally?

[Caravelle]

That said, even with all our lovely explanations, I just love the idea of Buck barricading a door from the outside. With a bucket. It sounds like something he might to.

[Omorka]

Did he just barricade the outside of the door?

GIRAT has a bucket?

[cjmr]

hapax, uh...yeah...what Karen said.

I'm going to go out now, water my garden, and try to bleach my brain.

[Karen]

I realize of course that there's nothing wrong public toilets, but in the name of all that's holy couldn't Jenkins have found a more, oh, DIGNIFIED, place for Buck's big altar call moment? I know it's vital to their sick view of the world that Buck get himself saved before meeting with Carpathia, but couldn't Jenkins have put an atrium with a fountain in the building somewhere so that Buck could have his epiphany in a more reverent setting? A bit of the natural world, a plant or a pigeon or a cat with kittens would have provided some connection to something bigger, and less prone to really unpleasant analogies than a public restroom. Leave out the third-rate-romance part of it; it just seems disrespectful to God to have your first conversation a few inches from some random stranger taking a crap.

[animus]

I realize of course that there's nothing wrong public toilets, but in the name of all that's holy couldn't Jenkins have found a more, oh, DIGNIFIED, place for Buck's big altar call moment?

Or even pseudodignified.

[The Law Fairy]

I'm having difficulty understanding why he would leave a bucket outside the door as though it's being cleaned. It's a *bathroom*. And he *locked the door*. And he's *leaning against it*. I kinda feel like, if someone is so desperate to get into the bathroom that he would break down the door to get in, completely ignoring the fact that someone else is inside, the janitor bucket isn't exactly going to stop him.

Oh, also, hi, long-time lurker, first time commenter. Fred, you make my Fridays just that much happier.

[Spalanzani]

"The journalist in Buck liked it."
Ah, this explains everything! Buck must keep a real journalist chained up inside his body somewhere, who writes Buck's stories for him and then "transmits" them to Plank.

[Bill S]

"Seeking God"? Sounds like a personals ad.
I've actually cleaned restrooms where I work, and yes, we usually leave the doors wide open and, if the floor needs cleaning (which it usually does), the supply cart will be just outside the door. So if Buck was trying make it look like the bathroom was being cleaned, he got it wrong. Like most everything else.
Perhaps he set the bucket outside because he thought there were gnomes living in it and didn't want them to hear him. I'm sure the guy in the stall next to him was probably stifling the urge to giggle.

[Bill S]

Oh, and one of the things I've always been thankful to God for, is indoor plumbing. Seriously, it's something I NEVER take for granted-the fact that I live in a country where access to it is relatively easy is something I'm truly grateful for. Though I generally steer clear of saying "Praise Jesus!" when I'm actually IN one. :)

[Caravelle]

Oh, and one of the things I've always been thankful to God for, is indoor plumbing. Seriously, it's something I NEVER take for granted-the fact that I live in a country where access to it is relatively easy is something I'm truly grateful for. Though I generally steer clear of saying "Praise Jesus!" when I'm actually IN one. :)

Ironically, I'm far from sure Jesus had indoor plumbing. Am I underestimating the period here ? I think the Romans had it but that it was limited to rich people... but really, that's a completely uninformed guess on my part.

[Propagatrix]

"Why does the new world leader hire a "heavyset, white-haired security guard"?

It's Santa's penance for not bringing gifts to the Baby Antichrist?

[Hibryd]

Buck had always been energetic and confident. Others had noticed his purposeful stride on assignment.

This gets more warped the more I think about it. He's not just claiming that he has a "purposeful stride", he's not just noticing it in himself, he's projecting that observation into other people and thus confirming it. He's inventing independent confirmation of his greatness.

Kind of like my co-worker with the ego issues. He talks about his thoughts and opinions by telling me what he's told someone else, as if to bring them into the conversation on his side. It's never "these gas prices are nuts", it's "like I was telling Steve yesterday, these gas prices are nuts."

Neurotic, self-obsessed characters are fine things to have in novels, but it continues to amaze me that the authors are utterly aware that that's who they have created.

[Bill S]

Don't you mean "UNaware", Hibyrd?