Busy week

Mr. Jones ran the UV light over everything one last time, then flipped the lights back on, apparently satisfied with his handiwork. Aside from the presence of those two men who didn't seem to belong there -- who didn't seem to belong anywhere -- the room looked exactly the same as it had a week before.

Mr. Smith turned to me, his child-sized light gray suit somehow still spotless and unwrinkled after all that had happened. "Remember," he said, "no one can ever know. No one."

"But what do I tell ...?"

"You don't tell," he said. "You can't tell. Anyone. This never happened, understand? This never happened and we were never here."

"But how do I explain where I've ..."

He shrugged. "You bought a house. That takes time. It's complicated. Granted, it's not usually this complicated, but still." Smith smiled that unnerving smile of his, the one that makes me grateful he's on our side. "Just tell them you were dealing with the settlement. Tell them you were doing all of that paperwork for the FHA and make it sound like that was the only three-letter agency you've ever had to deal with."

"You think they'll buy it?"

"Trust me," he said. "If there's one thing we're good at, it's cover stories. If they bought Skylab, they'll buy this."

The little man stuck out a tiny hand and I shook it. He gripped it tightly as he said, "Any sign, any hint that it's happening again and you call us."

"The same number?"

"Any number. Just say the word and we'll be back."

"Don't take this the wrong way," I said, "but I really hope I never see you again."

"With any luck," he said, heading for the door. "Mr. Jones?"

Jones peeled off his oversized latex gloves, neatly tucking one inside the other. "Thank you again for your assistance," he rumbled, extending his room-temperature hand. I shook it, suppressing a shiver and reminding myself that he too, as unlikely as it seemed, was on our side.

"And thank you for yours," I said. "For everything."

And then they were gone.

I looked around the strangely quiet room, just like any other room now as far as I or anyone else could tell. The computer sat on the desk in the corner, once again just an ordinary computer.

In all the chaos and commotion of the past week, I realized, I hadn't posted anything in forever. I think I might've even missed a Left Behind Friday. People will understand, I told myself. After all, I just bought a house. There was all that paperwork for the FHA. It was complicated.

Comments

[Spalanzani]

Ye~aah!! Congratulations on not being dead!

[Jim Wetzel]

Congratulations, Fred, and I hope you enjoy your house. Myself, I'm looking forward to this Friday.

[Ecks]

He's alliiiiiiiiiiiiive!

[Laertes]

We missed you.

And that's a well-done piece of writing there. Nice to have you back.

[Jeff]

A house? Riiiiight. Couldn't take two seconds to post "Busy busy busy. Will catch up soon"? I don't buy it. I think you were [bzzzzzzzzzzzt] buying a house. What else would you be doing?

[Jeff]

Is there anyone who HASN'T seen one of the movies in reference? Might not make sense for them. But for those of us who have this is a nice filler.

Aaaaaand, CONGRATUALATIONS!!!!one!!eleven!!!

That's your story and you're sticking to it, eh?

Of course we believe you.

Congratulations!

[cjmr]

Yay! A house!

...wait, now he'll be busy with home maintenance issues all the time...

[Lila]

Yeah, Fred, you could at least post "I ATEN'T DEAD" next time! (Congratulations; good to see you back!)

[Kayte]

Congratulations on completing your last worry-free day until you hit Assisted Living.

And we're awfully glad you're back!

[victoria]

There goes my teaching-us-a-Rapture-lesson theory...

[Jeff]

Yeah, Fred, you could at least post "I ATEN'T DEAD" next time!

"I'm getting better!"

(Now to take this post over 1,000 comments! Heh heh heh!)

[Naked Bunny with a Whip]

I thought you'd been raptured, but now I see Jesus has tossed you into the pit of homebuying Hell. I'd offer a hug if I weren't afraid that would weird you out. (I'm a furry; hugging is what I do.)

[SueW]

If you just bought a house, I'm amazed you've posted anything all month.

So, when is the house-warming?!

[rp]

But, Fred! You've got fans here. Are you saying we're less important than some lousy house? I bet you spent two hours buying, and then a week drinking to forget that you've signed your life away. Now you have to throw a big housewarming party and invite all of us, or you'll really be sorry.

[Jenna]

Good to know I wasn't the only one wondering if the RTC's had finally taken Fred down....

But he's alive and not homeless! Great news!

[stinger]

Whew! So, we've only been Left Out, not Left Behind!

[Technocracygirl]

Mazel tov, Fred! May the house be filled with love and joy!

[Reynard]

Great. We've stumbled into an episode of "Kolchak: The Home Buyer"...

[car]

Paperwork, of course! Makes perfect sense.

Good to see you're ok. :)

[Yeltar]

Man, color me relieved! The other Bujold fans were starting to, y'know, look at me funny....

Seriously, Fred, good to see you back. The silence really was getting worrisome.

~ Yeltar

P.S.: Most said Bujold fen will "get" the joke; others, not so likely ;)

[Spalanzani]

Jeff: "Is there anyone who HASN'T seen one of the movies in reference? Might not make sense for them. But for those of us who have this is a nice filler."

I admit I have no clue what's being referenced in this post, and didn't realize it was supposed to be a reference until I read your post. I just thought Fred was flexing his writing muscles.

[Yeltar]

Man, color me relieved! The other Bujold fans were starting to, y'know, look at me funny....

Seriously, Fred, good to see you back. The silence really was getting worrisome.

~ Yeltar

P.S.: Most said Bujold fen will "get" the joke; others, not so likely ;)

[julia]

Congratulations, hon.

[smgt]

Way to go. I'll admit, I was getting a little worried without the LB Friday. There was talk of madness.

[Ariel]

Congratulations! We just bought a house recently too, and we lost way more than one week of paying attention to the net. I'm impressed you're back this quickly. ;)

[Comrade Rutherford]

YAY, Fred! A house?! (I wonder what really happened...)

[bam]

Glad you're back Fred. Missed you. I agree that an I Aten't Dead post would be nice.

You're comeback was delightful. Nicely written little piece. And don't worry, they really will come back if you call.

[bam]

Damn damn damn
The first you're was right, the second was wrong. Your comeback was delightful.

[Mau de Katt]

Um... one of the guys who showed up at my house looked amazingly like Alex Trebek....

(...oops... I wasn't supposed to say anything about it.....)

[Luthe]

Were those latex gloves blue by any chance?

[Praline]

Congratulations on your house! Hope all the moving and doing up isn't too horrendous... :-)

[Jesurgislac]

Brighid of the Mantle, encompass us,
Lady of the Lambs, protect us,
Keeper of the Hearth, kindle us.
Beneath your mantle, gather us,
And restore us to memory.

Best wishes in your new home. I don't want to tell you how often I slipped over here, hit refresh, and saw nothing but the GIRAT/Chekov Left Behind Friday post appear again..

[PurpleGirl]

This never happened and we were never here.

Bought a house... sure, I'll buy that, although, I think, maybe a submarine was involved...

[Mabus]

I really hope you like the new house, Fred, and may you spend many wonderful years in it.

Best wishes in your new home. I don't want to tell you how often I slipped over here, hit refresh, and saw nothing but the GIRAT/Chekov Left Behind Friday post appear again..

Ditto. ;-)

[Nick the Australian]

Fred, you're not dead! Whew.

[Jake]

Congratulations! And all that fun stuff. And not to be all party-poopy but didn't you just move a few months ago? Good luck with the re-moving. I hope you didn't unpack too much.

[Lila]

JESU!! Welcome back!! *flings biodegradable confetti*

[MikhailBorg]

Very nice to see you, Jesu. Hope you're doing well :)

[kodiak]

Best wishes in your new home. I don't want to tell you how often I slipped over here, hit refresh, and saw nothing but the GIRAT/Chekov Left Behind Friday post appear again..

me too! Well it's an ingenious way of pushing up page-hits... but I'd much prefer the posts!

(oh, and I'm one of the ones who don't get the reference... anyone want to explain it, or what I should be watching??)

[Leigh]

Congrats! I bought a house earlier this year, it's wonderful and scary!

[Robb]

Hopefully, those shadowy black helicopter types set you up with a decent pad as a cover. Now you've finally got a permanent home for your country craftwork and your Joshua 24:15 plaque!

Congratulations!

Also - welcome back, Jesu!

[Cowboy Diva]

I'm with Kodiak; anyone feel like being kind to those of us who need annotations for Fred's post?

[Cowboy Diva]

I'm with Kodiak; anyone out there feel like providing an annotated version of Fred's post?

Robb, does the decor include a "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" plaque in the washroom?

[Cowboy Diva]

goshdarn double post.

[Ecks]

Actually Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed according to websters...

Just sayin'

[Andrew F]

I think it's a generic Men In Black reference, so both the film of the same name and (as Mau noted) the fantastically deranged X-Files episode with Charles Nelson Reilly should I hope count as inspiration.

[Lauren]

Congratulations! You are going to have so much fun when the garbage disposal leaks and dumps dirty, sudsy water all over the inside of your cabinets, and when you figure out the thermostat is broken, and when you drill a bunch of extra holes in your wall when you are hanging bookshelves because you can't find the stud, and...

Really, fun! I swear!

[Becky]

I don't want to tell you how often I slipped over here, hit refresh, and saw nothing but the GIRAT/Chekov Left Behind Friday post appear again..

Me too. =) Congrats on the house!

[Cowboy Diva]

tell me you didn't buy a mo[u]ldy house, Fred!