L.B.: Reliably unreliable

Left Behind, pp. 458-461

From the outset of this series -- and many times throughout -- we've discussed the question of whether our point-of-view protagonists should be considered unreliable narrators.

Neither of them is reliable, obviously. That's clear from the very first chapter of the book in which Rayford Steele and Buck Williams take turns congratulating themselves for things of which they ought to be ashamed. Nearly every adjective these characters apply to themselves is inaccurate. Nearly everything they say or think about themselves is immediately thereafter contradicted by their actions. Their perception is all readers have to go on in Left Behind, yet it's clear that their perception -- of themselves, of the events unfolding around them and their meaning -- cannot be trusted.

Yet neither of them is an unreliable narrator, either -- at least not in the intentional, literary sense. The authors intend for the characters' accounts to be wholly trustworthy, but neither these characters nor these authors are capable of providing that. Buck and Rayford think of themselves as good and heroic, and the authors share and approve of this opinion, even as both characters behave horrifically, disregarding the needs, the safety, even the humanity of everyone around them.

This is partly due to Rayford's and Buck's "Mary Sue" function as the wish-fulfillment surrogates of the authors, but it goes beyond the usual inflated egoism and self-indulgence of Mary-Sue-ism. The problem isn't simply that the characters are unrealistically good or heroic, or that they conceive of themselves as good and heroic when they really aren't. The problem seems to be that neither the characters nor the authors really understands what things like good and heroic mean.

All of that makes for a confusing reading experience. We readers might be able to handle an unreliable narrator, but an unreliable author goes too far. We are left with no one to trust, no place to stand. We feel a bit like Buck does here, forced to doubt his own senses and to distrust and disbelieve what everyone is telling him:

Buck fought within himself to keep his sanity, to maintain a clear mind, to -- as his boss had told him on the way in -- "remember everything."

We readers come to this novel with certain expectations. We expect that it will tell us a story -- a coherent narrative that makes sense. Those expectations are so habitual and fundamental to our experience of reading novels that it can take us a long time to accept that such expectations are really being thoroughly frustrated. That's why it took me a very long time -- hundreds of pages -- before I finally conceded that the constant, flagrant contradictions between our narrators' perceptions and their reality weren't some kind of deliberate, meaningful narrative device.

But it happens so often, I would tell myself. Or, But it's so blatant, that I'd half-convinced myself that this had to have been done on purpose. But it wasn't. Reading this chapter, finally, I came to accept that. These gaps between characters' perceptions and their reality, between their self-descriptions and their selves, are nothing more than Very Bad Writing and the authors' own deluded unreliability.

That gap between perception and reality is central to the action of this scene. Everyone in the room has just witnessed Nicolae pulling the trigger, killing Stonagal and T-C with a single shot. Everyone watched as he took the gun and placed it in Stoney's hand, clumsily staging the scene as an implausible murder/suicide (or, technically, suicide/murder). But then Nicolae tells them they didn't see what they just saw. He tells them they saw something else:

"What compelled Mr. Stonagal to rush the guard, disarm him, take his own life and that of his British colleague, I do not know and may never fully understand. ...

"All I can tell you is that Jonathan Stonagal told me as recently as at breakfast this morning that he felt personally responsible for two recent violent deaths in England and that he could no longer live with the guilt. Honestly, I thought he was going to turn himself in to international authorities later today. And if he had not, I would have had to. How he conspired with Mr. Todd-Cothran, which led to the deaths in England, I do not know. But if he was responsible, then in a sad way, perhaps justice was meted out here today."*

It's in the middle of that long speech that we get the other passage quoted above -- the boilerplate business about Buck struggling "to keep his sanity, to maintain a clear mind."

That passage likely seems familiar. It's a capable rendition of the stock prose that gets used whenever the hero is struggling to think clearly due to having been struck on the head, slipped a mickey, chloroformed, injected with hallucinogenics, subjected to magical enchantments, or all of the above. The hero in such scenes always "fights within himself," overcoming the physical/chemical/supernatural effects fogging his mind through Sheer Force of Will. That's what Buck does here.

So even though we've been told that divine protection has rendered Buck immune to Nicolae's lies, and that such divine protection was the only thing that could save him, what actually unfolded was that Buck "fought within himself" and won.

It doesn't even seem like it was much of a fight. Despite that business about his fighting "to keep his sanity," Buck is never really in doubt that he's just as sane as he ever was. He trusts the accuracy of his perception and interpretation of events around him with 100 percent confidence, as do the authors themselves.

Two pages from now Buck starts hearing God's voice in his head, but he doesn't find that the least bit disturbing. Nor, again, do the authors. He and they just assume that he is always completely in control of his faculties and that he is always completely able to assess and interpret what is happening around him. And none of them seems capable of imagining any other possibility.

This chapter might have been more interesting if Buck had turned out to be only partly immune to Nicolae's enchantment and he had emerged from this room less than certain of what he'd really seen -- as though he really were having to fight to keep his sanity. He is, after all, a brand-new RTC, a mere infant in the faith, so the divine counter-enchantment might not have been fully operational just yet.

But that wouldn't work because that's not how the authors' notion of RTC magic works. It's a binary system. You're either 100-percent saved or you're 100-percent damned to Hell. There is no half-way, no partial, no blurring of categories. Truth is wholly true and lies are wholly lies. Good is wholly good and evil is wholly evil.

And that, ultimately, is why readers don't have to worry about things like unreliable narrators in this book. The authors can't have intended such a device because the authors don't believe in it.**

Meanwhile, Nicolae is still babbling on about how his "first act as secretary-general" will be "to close the U.N. for the remainder of the day and to pronounce my regrettable benedictory obituary on the lives of two old friends" before finally he instructs Hattie to call security while he ...

Wait, stop. Go back to that.

"Pronounce my regrettable benedictory obituary."

That's awesome. It's like a mistranslation of something from Kierkegaard. And this from Nicolae, the man the authors insist reliably speaks in "perfect" English.

Anyway, Nicolae tells Hattie to call security and announces that he ...

"Regrettable benedictory obituary."

OK, nope, that did it. I'm done for today.

- - - - - - - - -

* Here is a convenient example. The authors have insisted at every turn that Nicolae Carpathia is eloquent, articulate and persuasive. Yet here we get a glimpse of his actual words and find he is nothing like that. Here, where his words need to be preternaturally persuasive, casting a spell over all his listeners, he instead winds up babbling and rambling. Our instinct as readers is to try to make sense of this. We assume that the authors chose these words, rather than others, and that they did so in order to convey meaning while telling a story. That assumption leads us to begin concocting explanations for this apparent contradiction between how Nicolae is described and how he actually speaks. Like maybe the authors meant for us to see this contradiction as evidence of the power of his Antichrist mojo to deceive. But no. Today's lesson is to stop looking for such explanations in Left Behind because they aren't there. These contradictions were not intended by the authors to mean something. They weren't intended at all.

** Readers should also remember the way LaHaye & Jenkins claim to read the Bible. Theirs, they insist, is a "literal" reading. By that they mean, in part, that the meaning of a passage is identical and equivalent to the face value of the words in that passage. This is also how they imagine readers will approach their novel. Literary devices that rely on ambiguity -- such as unreliable narration -- are something they have no use for as readers or as writers.

Comments

[Comrade Rutherford]

I have wanted to be first for over four years!!!

[Moderately Unbalanced Squid]

Now four more years?

Reading these has got to be more entertaining than the LB series itself. I'm glad there's at least one more coming. :)

[Ursula L]

I've figured it out.

L&J are the Antichrist, and their books are the Antichrist's cover story, intended, like Nicky Mountain's rambling story, to deceive the unsaved. And, as it is prophesied, they come deceiving many.

But Fred is God, and shows his Real True Followers the truth, so that our eyes are cleared and we see them for the confused and deceiving fools that they are.

[aunursa]

I imagine that the authors, upon their deaths, will wake up expecting to be in heaven with Jesus. Instead they'll be subject to the wrath of God.

Their crime? Not, as you might suspect, their devotion to Evangelical theology. Not their leading millions of people astray. But their authorship of the Left Behind series, which the Almighty finds repugnant.

They are sentenced to an eternity as minor characters in one of these books.

[aunursa]

Meanwhile, Jack Chick is condemned to live out as the unfortunate unsaved soul in each of his tracts. Over and over again.

[SchrodingersDuck]

Erm, wasn't his "first act as secretary-general" to give a big speech, declare world peace, announce the reconstruction of Babylon, unite the religions of the world, and generally do a whole of bunch of stuff that was far more important than pronouncing a regrettable benedictory obituary? And really, what would he prefer went down in the history books? "Nicolae Carpathia's first act as Secretary General was to bring an end to all human suffering" or "Nicolae's first act as Secretary General was to watch some guys get shot and then commit grievous bodily harm against the English language"?

Also: Left Behind Fridays + Dinosaur Comics = Too much awesome?

[Cowboy Diva]

or, to quote the end of an old Roman Atkinson monologue "The Jews were right!"

[Judith]

"the hero is struggling to think clearly due to having been struck on the head, slipped a mickey, chloroformed, injected with hallucinogenics, subjected to magical enchantments, or all of the above." ~Fred.

Note to self: Write fanfic in which all of the above happen to Rayford.

[Ursula L]

And really, what would he prefer went down in the history books?

The Rapture had happened, it's the Tribulation, and the End of the World. There won't be any history books. Which makes life much easier for a would-be world leader. He knows he'll have the penultimate word.

[eyelessgame]

The most charitable explanation for that passage would be that the authors are trying to tell us that Nikki BlueRidge is mind-whammying everyone, and trying to mind-whammy Buck, and sure he's saved so he wins the fight but it doesn't mean you don't have to fight.

No, I know it doesn't make sense, but it's more charitable than any other possible interpretation. But there's no actual description of the mind-whammying.

Is there anything where he looks around the room and sees people nodding vacantly at this patently absurd stuff? Or does he feel the external presence in his mind, trying to bend him to its will? That would be the stuff of actual competent novel-writing... unless you left it out, it doesn't seem like he actually wrote any mind-whammy text, just ... just this, where people stop acting like people. As you say.

[Spalanzani]

It would have been interesting if Stonegal had actually turned out to be the antichrist, knew that Buck had recently been "saved", and therefore used his mind mojo powers to make Buck see the whole scene with Nicky apparently killing Stonegal and Todd-Cathran and then brainwashing everyone in the room into believing it had been murder/suicide. Then Buck goes back to the Trib Force to tell them that Nicky is the antichrist, while Stonegal continues to manipulate things from the shadows.

[Froborr]

You know... the first thing they taught us, when I got my English degree, is to assume that every word is there for a reason. The classic example is Hamlet's famous speech, where he says "to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them." The word "sea" there is, at first glance, wrong. You don't fight a sea with weapons, you fight an enemy, an army, a host. That last is the "best" choice, since it keeps the meter. However, you have to assume that Shakespeare *knew* host was the "better" choice, and used "sea" for a reason. Perhaps *because* it's "wrong" -- fighting the sea is innately futile, which tells you something about Hamlet's thinking at this point... and then you get centuries of debate over whether Hamlet is consciously aware that he's answering his own question, or... etc., etc.

But with LaJenkins, even this fundamental rule can't be used. They've managed to create a sort of anti-literature, where every word is so howlingly wrong that one is forced to question whether human beings wrote it at all. If "regrettable benedictory obituary" sounds like mistranslated Kierkegaard, LB, taken as a whole, sounds like mistranslated Elder Thing.

There won't be any history books.

Do people not write books in Heaven?

Man, the more I learn about Heaven, the suckier it sounds.

[J Neo Marvin]

These books are written for and loved by people with an authoritarian cultist mindset, for whom belief is everything and any semblance of critical thinking is evil. If any doubt crosses their minds, it's a sign of Satan using intellectual trickery to sway them from the path.

All of which is why this stuff is so fascinatingly awful. LaHaye and Jenkins don't have to follow any coherent rules of halfway decent writing; that's not their business. The story is merely a set of codes, assumptions, and pushed buttons padded out with some half-chewed boilerplate thriller tropes.

Thank the deity or non-deity of your choice that Fred is doing the important job of picking this stuff apart. If people didn't actually read this stuff, it wouldn't matter. But they do, and it does.

And I know I'm probably just reiterating what everyone has already said for the last several years. But I've only recently become addicted to LB Fridays, and damn, the weirdness is staggering.

[Raj]

We hasz LB cheezburger nao! Yay, Caturdays!

[Karen]

Finally, an LB Friday on a day I'm off work!! (It's the three - day sales tax holiday in Texas. I always take the day off for school shopping.)

Today's post explains something for me. I've been a government lawyer doing civil fraud prosecutions for twenty years, and the only times I ever see constructions like "regrettable benedictory obituary" is in rambling letters from the people I'm suing who are acting as their own lawyers. These are people who are not comfortable with formal writing and try to mask it by using, usually incorrectly, really big words. I can understand LaHaye using language like this, but Jenkins was supposedly a professional writer. He wasn't a very good or noted one, but he made a living at it. This is the kind of thing that gets removed by the second draft by even the laziest of real editors. The fact that it wasn't removed is almost enough to destroy my faith in God. Which, I suppose, is strong support for the idea that LaHaye is the ACTUAL Antichrist.

[Vermic]

In my mind, I can hear Christopher Lee intoning the phrase "regrettable benedictory obituary", and it sounds awesome.

In my mind.

[Roadstergal]

I'm a big fan of fanfic (unfortunately, as the vast majority of it is terrible), and where I see exactly that same howlingly bad misuse of language is when writers are trying to write beyond their vocabulary. I think the authors here are doing the same. It sounds great to them; they have no idea what the words really mean, just that they sound quite long and interesting and intelligent, and assume everyone else has the same perspective. Which people who understand the words don't.

I think it would be magnificent if Buck hears God after all of that 'struggling to keep himself sane' business, and immediately rejects the voice as more Antichrist-trying-to-get-to-him. But that would be Interesting, and Interesting is not what the authors here seem to be shooting for.

[Monkay]

This is, regrettably, not a parody: The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Last Days

[Robb]

I can hear Christopher Lee intoning the phrase "regrettable benedictory obituary"

I hear David Warner. Or Juan Morillo: my sardonic high school history/econ teacher, whose Peruvian accent has become a permanent fixture in my brain whenever I'm reading something that's dripping with disdain or irony. Or faux-disdain, in this case.

Hmm. . . now I'm trying to recall the rector at the Anglican church I used to go to saying it. . . hilarious!

Wow, it's like Strong Bad's Radio Test sentence meets Bulwer-Lytton!

[Francis D]

What really bugs me about Carpathia's oratory is that it would take two sentences to turn it from a bug into a feature. All you need is someone to look at a transcript and realise just how bad it is - and knowing how bad it is still fall under its spell.

Nicolae Carpathia is such a supernaturally gifted orator that he can make reciting the countries of the UN sound uplifting and inspiring. He is such a great orator that he can utter phrases like 'Regrettable benedictory obituary' without them sounding forced, awkward, or even out of the ordinary.

[Michael]

"Note to self: Write fanfic in which all of the above happen to Rayford."

Simultaneously, I hope.

[Judith]

"Do people not write books in Heaven?
"Man, the more I learn about Heaven, the suckier it sounds." ~Froborr

It's actually far worse. There *are* book in Heaven, but the only men around to write them are men like LaHaye and Jenkins, since they're the only real Christians and all of you fake Christians will go to Hell.

[Tonio]

In my mind, I can hear Christopher Lee intoning the phrase "regrettable benedictory obituary", and it sounds awesome.

In my mind.

They sound like lyrics from Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" or REM's "It's the End of the World." Imagine Carpathia appearing before the UN, flipping through word placards while his prerecorded speech plays over the PA. That would work great for his name-the-countries speech. The placards could even show the flags of the countries.

[Shannon C.]

For some reason, Nikki's "articulate, well-spoken" speeches put me in mind of whichever member of the Baby-Sitter's Club it was who had the genius older sister. Said genius older sister always seemed to be demonstrating her genius by doing completely inappropriate things to a thesaurus in order to prove her erudition. Then, too, I think there was a character on "Adventures in Odyssey", which I also fondly remember from my childhood before I learned that Focus on the Family did not stand for things I personally stand for, also had a nerd character who talked like that. Maybe Jenkins thinks that's how it's supposed to work?

BTW, long-time lurker, first-time caller.

[Jeff]

Welcome back, LB Friday -- we missed you!

Wanted to make sure everyone knew about this tomorrow:

Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama, respective presumed Republican and Democratic presidential nominees, will end the primary season Aug. 16 by joining Dr. Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif. and author of the bestselling "Purpose Driven Life," at the Saddleback Civil Forum on the Presidency.

The two hour event, held from 5-7 p.m. (PDT), will be uplinked in both HD and SD formats, and broadcast live -- in real time across all zones starting 8 p.m. (EDT) -- on CNN, FOX News Channel [pooey!] and Daystar Television Network, as well as Southern California's KDOC-TV. America can also watch the event via live streaming at SaddlebackCivilForum.com, ReadersDigest.com and MySpace.com/Impact or listen on the FamilyLife, Moody and Pilgrim Radio Networks and select Salem Radio Network stations through Southern California affiliate, KKLA-Radio.

From what I've heard, Obama will answer a series of questions while McCain waits off-stage, unable to see or hear the procedings. Then McCain will get the same questions while Obama is "sequestered". Finally, both men will meet to discuss the procedings.

I hope Fred will open a thread for this (hint, hint!).

[Dahne]

In the real world, Nicky really would have a considerable following, just from the people trailing after him picking up phrases to use as band names.

[Judith]

"Simultaneously, I hope." ~Michael

Of course.

[Froborr]

For some reason, Nikki's "articulate, well-spoken" speeches put me in mind of whichever member of the Baby-Sitter's Club it was who had the genius older sister.

"Writing a character smarter than me is exhausting. It would take me days to come up with problems Brennan solved in a page-and-a-half."
--Larry Niven, on why he'd "never again"* write a story with a Protector-stage human as a protagonist.

*Eventually, he did, in the craptacular sequels to Ringworld. The results were, well, craptacular.

[Miri]

"whichever member of the Baby-Sitter's Club it was who had the genius older sister."

It was Claudia! And the older sister was Janine :)

[SueW]

...trying to write beyond their vocabulary.

I figured that out the minute they described Rayford as an "erudite reader".

[Abelardus]

... I can hear Christopher Lee intoning the phrase "regrettable benedictory obituary" ...

That reminds me of Orson Welles' infamous "Frozen Peas" incident. I wonder what he would think of Nick's phraseology:

"'We know a remote conference room at the U.N. ... 'Regrettable benedictory obituary' -- this is a lot of shit, you know that?"

One two problems as I can see: First, despite his ego and temper, Orson came off eloquently in his rant, and raised some good points; and second, if memory serves, Orson narrated a film adaptation of Hal Lindsay's "Late, Great Planet Earth." Lord help us.

[Abelardus]

Oops, I meant "only two problems" in the fourth paragraph. Pardon the possible double post.

[Technomad]

These books remind me, again and again, of P.J. O'Rourke's description of the "music" on sale in Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker's Heritage USA:

"None of the albums was entitled I Found God And Lost My Talent, but I'm sure it was just an oversight."

A big part of why I can't respect RTC types is that they're willing to settle for this---or just about any drek at all, as long as it spouts their party line. I've read descriptions of the leaden novels they used to write in the USSR, the "boy-gets-tractor, boy-exceeds-norm, boy-uncovers-counterrevolutionary-plot-and-gets-the-girl" novels, and this is more of the same.

[hapax]

Pronounce my regrettable benedictory obituary...

...drenched in butter!

Now that would be awesome.

[Robert]

Honestly, I thought he was going to turn himself in to international authorities later today. And if he had not, I would have had to.

Er, mister World Reader, shouldn't you have done so already? Instead, after they confessed two murders to you, you invited them at a meeting in the UN headquarters...

[Robert]

World Leader that is. Oh well...

[Jon]

whichever member of the Baby-Sitter's Club it was who had the genius older sister.

The character of "Big Words" in The Newsboy Legion follows a similar trope.
Hmm...actually, it would be awesome to have Nicky Porcupine Mountains say "I'll be superamalgamated!"

[the opoponax]

"Regrettable Benedictory" is my new band name. I haven't read any other comments, yet, so I hope that was first dibs.

[Dahne]

annursa:

Meanwhile, Jack Chick is condemned to live out as the unfortunate unsaved soul in each of his tracts. Over and over again.

That's not fair. Then he'll get to play Dungeons and Dragons.

[ShifterCat]

I wonder what competently-written divine mental shielding would read like? Would it seem like the protagonist is starting to fall under the sway of the Big Bad when suddenly a refreshing light and clarity is cast over everything? Or would it just be that the protagonist thinks normally, but notices everyone else obviously not doing so?

This may have been previously pointed out, but the Jabootu webpage has a term for the practice of unintentionally telling the audience something that is patently untrue: the Informed Attribute. Their term "Designated Hero" also clearly applies to the protagonists of Left Behind.

Speaking of things that have previously been brought up: I know I recommended the graphic novel Therefore Repent! previously. Well, it turns out that the first third (62 pages) can be read here. Enjoy, all.

[LL]

RE "That's clear from the very first chapter of the book in which Rayford Steele and Buck Williams take turns congratulating themselves for things of which they ought to be ashamed. Nearly every adjective these characters apply to themselves is inaccurate. Nearly everything they say or think about themselves is immediately thereafter contradicted by their actions."

To be fair (and I am not giving LeJenkins the benefit of the doubt here, I am convinced they are just really shitty writers), lots of people congratulate themselves for things about which they should be ashamed. And lots of people are deeply deluded about their own abilities and most of all, their own basic character. We've all met them: people who think they're really smart who really, really aren't. People who think they're "nice" who are not anything resembling nice, etc. In this sense, LeJenkins' book is all too accurate about how real people act, though it doesn't count because they didn't mean to do it.

[the opoponax]

Also, because it's clear nobody has brought this up yet, usually UN Secretaries General do not write obituaries. That's generally left up to some second stringer at the paper. It's rumored that obituaries for notable individuals (especially those nearing the, ahem, winter of life) are pre-written months or years in advance and simply fleshed out and re-edited upon the person's death. Since both Todd-Cothran and Stonagal are major figures in the International Man Of Mystery industry, one would assume that this would apply to them.

Also, it probably doesn't need to be said, but obituaries usually aren't dictated. Which is what the expression "pronounced" would imply in this context.

As for "benedictory", I don't see what its function is in that sentence, at all. First of all, it sounds to me like it should be a noun, a la an "apologetic", a "devotional", etc.* It also sounds like something some sort of cleric or holy person should do.

* According to Wiktionary, it really is an adjective after all, and means "of or pertaining to a benediction". Best guess, they're trying to imply here that Mr. Karakoram is going to be 'giving thanks' for the contributions of Stonagal and Todd-Cothran?

[David]

From what I've heard, Obama will answer a series of questions while McCain waits off-stage, unable to see or hear the procedings. Then McCain will get the same questions while Obama is "sequestered". Finally, both men will meet to discuss the procedings.

What is this, Win Ben Stein's Voting Bloc?

[Froborr]

ShifterCat: Obvious divine intervention is always narratively unsatisfying, because it's definitionally a deus ex machina. See Milton's Paradise Regained for possibly the most galling example ever. Best way to write it is to imply that divine intervention may be happening, but not have anything occur which couldn't have happened anyway.*

Alternatively, you can make divine intervention a form of magic: You can persuade the gods to help you, but it's not easy and carries a price (chastity, good behavior, blood sacrifices, circumcision, whatever). Then the divine shield becomes something your characters are trading for, which is completely legitimate. This can be done badly (as in LB, where the authors appear to be unable to decide how the magic works) or well (as in the Biblical magic duel between Elijah and the priests of Baal).

*Or, as I call it, Bender's Principle. In my favorite episode of Futurama, Bender met an Entity-Which-May-or-May-Not-Have-Been-God, and it gave him some advice on godhood: "When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."

"Simultaneously, I hope."

"...involving a red hot poker, a privy, ten pounds of live eels, a three mile stretch of frozen river, a butt of wine, a couple of tulip bulbs, a number of poisoned eardrops, an oyster and a large man with a mallet."

(Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett)

[hagsrus]

Oops, me at 01:05 AM

[the opoponax]

Obvious divine intervention is always narratively unsatisfying, because it's definitionally a deus ex machina.

Well, sometimes it works. You just have to do it really, really well. There's nothing terribly wrong with the idea of divine intervention in literature, per se. It worked for the ancient Greeks, after all.

Needless to say, Jerry Jenkins is absolutely incapable of the caliber of writing required for literal and deliberate deus ex machina to work.

[Nenya]

regrettable benedictory obituary

Say that five times fast.

[Nenya]

You gotta admit it's a pretty awesome tonguetwister.

[the opoponax]

Reading my above post, I think I'm starting to sound like Janine from the Babysitter's Club. Which, if my nerdiness is inversely proportional to the hypotenuse of how much sleep I've had, I think that means it's time for bed...