Board Business, July 26 2011

Depression 101

TBAT have been incorporating, on an ongoing basis, responses to the Depression 101 into the original post. As of Wednesday they will no longer be doing so on a regular basis although the comments will remain open. After the the revisions to that document have been completed it will be posted to a permanent site and a link to it will be added on the sidebar.

A short-notice social justice appeal..

From the Center for Reproductive Rights:

Birth Control is Preventive Healthcare
At any moment now, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius will make a potentially historic decision about whether American women will be given access to contraception without co-pay under the nation’s new healthcare law.

Reproductive freedom means being able to choose for ourselves whether or when to have children, so it is essential that Secretary Sebelius hear from you right now. Affordable access to birth control reduces unplanned pregnancy and empowers women to make decisions about their own lives. Please take action today [Click to fill out and send an email to Secretary Sebelius]

Request for advice from one of our community

I live in the US; I pay $750/month in rent.

I've been with very minimal (1-3 minutes) of hot water for five weeks now. (Also: possible problems with the outlets, and a ceiling fan that's dangerously unbalanced, among more minor concerns). The maintenance men came by a week and half ago (a month after I reported the problem) to "flush out the water heater". It tacked on maybe 40 seconds to the time it runs.

Couple questions:
1. Is this . . . normal? How not normal is it? I don't have a good feel for how unacceptable this is; should I be mildly peeved? Outraged? Calling my lawyer?
2. Is it appropriate to ask for rent back? How much?

All I want is a hot shower that lasts more than 3 minutes, but this is being treated like a fairly trivial concern. Am I out of line in expecting hot water to be a major repair? Maybe it's not such a big thing for most Americans?

I don't want to be unfair, but I don't understand what's happening and can't get answers. With some reluctance, I'm taking formal steps to get it fixed, but I'd like to approach my management with a proposal for rent reduction next month, and have no idea where to start.

---

 

The Board Administration Team
(hapax, Kit Whitfield and mmy)



Comments

[histrogeek]

As far as the trouble with your landlord, the first people to get in touch with would be your community's or state's housing office. They can usually light a fire under the ass of a landlord. If that fails, then contact a lawyer and discussion further opinions.

[Froborr]

What histrogeek said: I had a similar situation about 8 years ago involving a broken air conditioner, and the county Renter's Rights Office was very helpful in advising us--they told us exactly what to say to the landlord to get a fire under hir ass and visions of subpoenas in hir imagination, without us needing to actually contact a lawyer.

[Cathy W]

To the reader with the hot water issues:

Ditto what histrogeek and Froborr said: see if there is some kind of community resource for renters in your area. I was fortunate to spend most of my time as a renter in an area with a very active Tenants Union - just the information they had in their "What Every Tenant Should Know" booklet helped us get our landlord to address several issues with the house.

Their philosophy: "It's the landlord's house, but it's your home." It is, or at least should be, the landlord's responsibility to keep the house in livable condition, and I don't think hot water that only runs for 2-3 minutes at a time counts.

[hapax]

I do not know what state the anonymous slacktivist lives in, but in at least three states in which I have lived, insufficient hot water falls under the legal definition of "uninhabitable"; and therefore the renter has the right to withhold payment of rent until the problem is resolved.

If you do not have a local Tenants Assistance - type group, this information is usually easy to find on the Web: e.g. Google "uninhabitable definition + tennessee" quickly brings up the relevant laws for that state.

Good luck!

[jnc]

Each state's laws are different and some counties/cities have their own tenant's rights laws so you'll have to get jurisdiction specific advice. A housing union/tenant's union/etc. is the place to start.

This is probably advice you don't want to hear, but if you have a lousy, unresponsive landlord, it's just better to cut your losses and move. Rent disputes are nasty and they take time and your relationship with the landord will be poisoned. And this is a suggestion to avoid litigation comes from someone who makes a living suing people ....

Good luck.

[Josh Enigma (the Transhumanist)]

TW: Homophobia, Suicide (and holy shit this article is depressing)

Hey, this is a call to arms:
http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/07/michele-bachmann-teen-suicide?page=1

That ignorant, arrogant, and stupid ... creature otherwise known as Michele Bachmann's district is full of equally vile and reprehensible "human beings." (if you think my rhetoric is misplaced, you haven't read the article. I'm being undeserving pleasant towards them). In particular, the school district in her district has one of the highest rates of gay teen suicide in the nation. The school board, being the bunch of spineless bastards they are, has done nothing.

http://www.anoka.k12.mn.us/education/components/form/default.php?sectiondetailid=114199&

Ready, aim, fire. Let the school board know just how bad they're screwing up. I already sent a message, but the more people that make their voices heard about how this cannot stand, the more marginalized they'll realize they actually are, and the more likely they'll do something. Spread this story. Post about it on your blogs. Repeat it everywhere. We cannot let this exist. Not in any version of a civilized world can this be allowed to continue.

[kisekileia]

With the rent situation, I would probably start by finding out what the landlord's legal obligations to provide hot water are and informing the landlord about those obligations in writing. I've rented a few different basement apartments over the years, and because basements tend to be colder than the rest of a house, I've frequently had to advise landlords that they're legally obligated to heat the unit to 21 C (70 F). Generally this has resulted in a mutual agreement that I can use space heaters, although one landlord gave me grief about the subsequent increase in the electricity bill, at which time I told him, "Nope, sorry, that rent increase you want to impose is illegal," and he stopped bothering me about it. The important thing here, though, is that in spite of me having to bring up the law to get my apartments heated adequately, I've never had trouble getting a decent reference from any landlord. If you say, without rancor, "Look, the law is X, please follow it," your landlord probably won't be happy about it, but it won't necessarily permanently wreck your relationship with them. I imagine, though, that it'll get more complicated if you can't get them to listen without withholding rent.

[Roadrunner]

Look up your locality's rental ordinances (if you say where you live, I can help with this). In most places, a lack of hot water qualifies a place as "uninhabitable" which usually means that you can withold rent for days that the landlord was aware of the problem but did not fix it. But if definitely depends on the local laws, and the suggestion of contacting a tenants rights organization is a very good one.

[Kit Whitfield]

@Josh: done. I can't sign it myself because I'm not a US citizen, but I've put it up on my blog. Thank you for pointing it out.

[Ross]

Hey all. Good article I read today (TW:Abortion) about a woman who was compelled to have a late-term abortion for medical reasons, including some talk about all the additional strife the system imposed on her on top of what she was already going through with the whole "The baby she very much wanted was suffering from an irreparable brain disorder" thing: Why This Woman Chose Abortion—at 29 Weeks

[Jason]

@Josh-

I wrote the school board.

I feel like lately the only people who are willing to listen to me or appreciate what I have to say are people who already agree with me. The people who disagree have been trained to well to be closeminded and ignore any news source that isn't Fox News. That used to be me, but none of the things that helped change my mind seem to have any effect on anyone around me. It's frustrating as hell. I don't understand how people that are otherwise good people can stare down bigotry and hatred and not see it for what it is.

[Pthalo]

Good article, Ross. Also a heads up to anyone with trigger issues who is on the fence about whether to read it: the article is sensitively written, but the comments should be avoided.

[Jason]

I need some advice.

I lately have been considering moving. Reasons I want to move:

a) As my views on political/social views have changed drastically, I am feeling more and more out of place in an area of the Bible Belt where the Tea Party is generally held in high regard. I am finding it difficult to find a group of my peers where I feel like I fit in and have people of kindred thoughts. Given that being in a relationship is a major priority for me, I particularly find this bothersome. The only place I truly feel I fit in is my church.
b) The weather is so hot here in the summer that I literally cannot stand to spend more than a few minutes outside.

I'm scared to though. For one thing, I've lived here all my life. Most people that I know live here. I'm shy and I wouldn't have anyone to fall back for help if something happened like my car broke down. I have a good reasonably secure job that I'm afraid to leave. I own my own home, which I'd have to sell. I'm fairly certain that my parents would not be supportive at all of my decision to move. I do have some places that I could move to where I have some very good friends. These places seem better to me than where I am, particularly one city that has some particularly good friends who just got engaged. I'm going to be in their wedding in the fall.

I don't know of anyone who lives in this particular type of place but I'd love to live in the mountains preferrably in a small town. I go on vacation in such places since they are within driving distance from where I live and some of them seem to have a number of progressive people there. I've always wanted to live in that type of place.

I dunno if there's a simpler answer to my problem, but lately I've just felt like maybe I'd be happier elsewhere, but I also wonder if I'd move somewhere else and just have similiar problems, but regardless the problems and things to overcome in order to move seem insurmountable to me. I was just wondering what everyone else thought.

[Kit Whitfield]

@Jason - if you're going to do it, the main priority is to make sure that your life overall would be better in the new place. It's unlikely, the world being what it is, that everything would be better; the social life, church, job, romantic prospects, political culture, accommodation and climate are all up for debate, and the odds of them all improving seem doubtful. I'd suggest a few things:

- Make a list of what your top priorities are when it comes to being happy in a place. Then start researching places that seem to work with that - climate, physical environment and so on, but also maybe visit their churches, spend some weekends there and so on. Places where you already have friends seem like a good idea.

- Bear in mind that you can start looking for a new job while secure in your old location. If I were you, I'd make a better job one of my priorities, since that's where you'll spend most of your waking hours, and moving from company to company is often the fastest way to advance. (It'd also be a non-personal reason to give when explaining your move to the family, along with climate.)

- Also bear in mind that you wouldn't actually have to sell your house. You could rent it out and rent an apartment in the new location. That would give you some time to see if you could settle there.

Probably you'll have some problems anywhere you go, because, as with all of us, wherever you go, there you are. So if you're going to move, I'd try to make sure it was a definite move up in as many areas as possible, and focus on the areas where you can predict what the changes will be (climate, living environment, job). Romantic prospects are hard to predict, and anywhere cosmopolitan enough to have left-wingers will probably have right-wingers too, so I'd be as concrete as you can.

[Mmy]

@Jason: I second Kit's comments/suggestions.

Also, don't know how much you want to factor in some other concerns. Even if the American government does not default on its debt (the experts keep saying it won't happen but what do the experts know these days) there may be a number of financial constraints/concerns that you should weigh in the balance.

Your job -- remember that a job isn't just how much you take home in your pay packet. Lots of places practice last hired, first fired or a probationary period during which there is no job security. Different jobs have different insurance/IRA benefits. Make sure that the group insurance at the new job will not increase your costs or diminish your coverage.

Your home -- in many places in the United States the housing market is near collapse. You may not be able to sell your place or at best sell it at a loss. As Kit suggested renting at both ends might be possibility.

Cost of living -- research the cost of living where you are going very, very carefully. Salaries are only as good as the amount of money left after you have paid your fixed expenses. Back when I still was paying a mortgage on my house in Canada rent on my apartment in the US (in a high cost of living city) cost more a month than my house mortgage in Canada. The apartment had less square footage than the living/dining room area of my house. I have a friend who lives in New York City and the parking space for his car costs more a month that the rent I paid on my apartment in the US.

Bottom line -- fiscal realities should not be the ultimate determinate of your decision but miserable finances generally make it more difficult to be happy in other parts of one's life.

[Froborr]

@Jason: I agree with what everyone else said about the fiscal realities and how to choose a place. However, I think

For one thing, I've lived here all my life.

is a strong reason to move.

[Sal, who hasn't had a non-military shower in almost six weeks and misses them]

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

I'm in Madison, WI. I've had the building inspectors out, but they haven't notified the landlord in the time frame they said they were going to. It's really frustrating - it feels like I spend every day begging people to do their jobs. What I heard from them is that water has to hit a certain temperature (120*F), but not stay there for any prescribed period of time. (Surely the ordinances didn't mean no time, though.)

[chris the cynic]

Completely unrelated to everything, a week from today is my birthday. The Saturday after that my sister is throwing a thingy for me. I'm pretty sure that at most two of you are in the area, and probably those have other plans, but if any of you should happen to be in the general vicinity of southern Maine on August 6th and you should happen to be free, you're definitely invited.

At the moment only one person other than myself and my sister is set to be attending, and I'm pretty sure I don't know him.

[Lonespark]

I agree with Froborr, and I've lived here for a lot of years. You have to know what other places are like to weigh the pros and cons of any given location.

First thing to do is look for jobs. I would not dream of breathing in a new direction without a really good job offer.

Also I would say the first step is to go visit other places. You can visit churches, stop by chapters of organizations you belong to, check out local recreation opportunities and cuisine...

(Come visit Izzy and me in Mass., and swing by chris the cynic in Maine. Visit Jessica and everybody in the DC area, the Maryland slacktivites...etc.)

[Mmy]

@Sal: You might be able to get some help/guidance through the Student Tenant Union at UW-Madison. The Student Tenant Union has a facebook page as well as the website I linked to. The website gives contact e-mail address and phone numbers. They specialize in helping students but run regular workshops on tenants rights and can give you information about local codes.

[chris the cynic]

@Josh

What does one say to that? Somehow I think, "I feel as though I am about to vomit when I read about your district," isn't the most productive statement, though it is literally true.

Is anyone else unable to read page three of the article?

-

@ Jason

We've got mountains and small towns in Maine, I don't know if we have any jobs though.

I'd offer to show you around, but my knowledge of the geography is limited to where I can travel on foot. So showing you around would amount to: "This is called Longfellow square because that's a statue of Longfellow. They used to have nice stone benches here, but for some reason they replaced them with these annoying metal things," and that's probably it. Plus I don't live in the mountains or one of the small towns. (Though as cities go I'm pretty sure we're minuscule.)

Whatever you decide, good luck.

[Pthalo]

Sal, has it been like that since you moved in, or did it change at some point? If it's always been like that, one place I lived at the water heater was just small. It was a prettied up garage that had been partitioned into a shower stall, a loo, a kitchenette and a tiny bedroom. The water heater only held so much water, and when it ran out, it ran out. So I'd take a slightly cooler shower to spread out the warmth. If the water heater is small, then there's nothing to be done but (get the landlord) to get a larger water heater.

Do you have a bathtub? Water can be heated on the stove in pot for the bathtub. If you heat it to boiling and then add a lot of cool water so you don't burn yourself, you can get enough water for a bath with one pot. We did that back in uni with a friend when her gas was shut off. (We couldn't go to my place, because I was living in the garage and the relatives I was renting from were assholes.)

Also, do you turn off the water to the shower after you've wet yourself but before you soap up? It saves a lot on water bills, and more relevantly here, it might give the water heater a chance to heat up a little more water if you turn it off to soap up and then turn it back on again to get the soap off.

I mean, you should keep trying to get the situation fixed, but these are things you can do in the interim.

[Torrilin]

Sal, you don't want the student tenant thing (unless you are a student?). You want the Tenant Resource Center. The water thing should be a legal violation, and it should in theory be straightforward to get inspectors out.

In practice, Madison is a small city with delusions of grandeur, and one of the things they're most delusional about is tenants' rights. Getting an inspection is seriously difficult, and there are a lot of slumlords out there. I know it's a bit late, but if it is at all possible for you to move during turnover, DO IT. (yes, I know exactly how much fun it is... helped with FOUR turnover moves, and I'm doing one of my own this year) My previous landlady Marijo Bunbury (yes, *those* Bunburies) is annoying to deal with, but she's pretty much the precise opposite of a slumlord.

The Madison WI livejournal community often has people posting requests for housemates, and there was a post within the last week or so. You may also be able to find space to stay via work or a church group or your local coffeeshop or something.

In larger cities, it is a lot easier to deal with this sort of thing.

Absolutely do not withhold rent without the advice of a lawyer or explicit instructions from the housing inspectors. While the landlord's actions are illegal, withholding rent puts you on shaky legal ground if you do not have a safe place to stay. In a lot of places where tenants' rights are ignored, eviction proceedings are pretty easy, and the last thing you need is to face eviction right around turnover. I can't swear that things would go that easily around here, but I'd hate for you to find that out by surprise.

[Sal, who hasn't had a non-military shower in almost six weeks and misses them]

Pthalo, it's been that way since move-in. From turn-on to temp-off is 2 minutes under ideal conditions; what I'm guessing is 5-8 gallons. I am taking military showers and supplementing baths with my electric kettle, so it's not like I haven't washed up, but it's getting old, and I can't really get a bath hot or full enough to soak. (Partly because the plug leaks, pretty much no matter what I stuff down it.) Which is a shame, because the tub is beautiful and big.

[Nick Kiddle]

Would any slacktivites like to weigh in on a little conundrum of mine? My cousin has a daughter a little bit older than xCLP, and every few months she sends via relatives a carrier bag of hand-me-down clothes. They aren't really the kind of style xCLP likes to wear, and even if they were, there's far more than we can use. The latest package came with the instruction, "If you don't want them, just give them to a charity shop."

Now, I'm constantly hurting financially, and I'm so very tempted to take them along to a car boot sale and try to turn them into cash. On the one hand, she's given them to me, which implies I can do whatever is most useful to me, and the cash is the most useful thing I can think of. Also, it seems pretty clear that her only motive for giving them to me is to get them out of her house, so surely she won't mind what I do with them? On the other hand, it feels tacky, ungrateful ... something. What would you do in my position?

[Dav]

@Nick: I'd sell them. In my family, "just give them to someone who can use them" is a back-up term for "no hard feelings if you use this in other ways". I'd be a bit miffed if, say, a relative cut my old clothes up for compost or dish rags, but absolutely none if they were sold. I might not mention it unless I were asked, though.

[Froborr]

@Nick: If you really do need (rather than merely want) the money, take it to the whatever-a-car-boot-shop-is. A charity shop would turn the clothes into money and give the money to someone who needs it; you're doing the same thing, it's just the someone who needs it happens also to be you.

Your relative clearly isn't emotionally invested in this gift, so you're not hurting hir, you can be grateful for what selling the clothes permits you to get/do, and "tackiness" is a myth created to prop up the kyriarchy.

[chris the cynic]

@Nick

If I were in your position I'd sell them and then feel bad about it afterwards and constantly wonder if I did the right thing.

I'm not sure that that's the most helpful response.

It doesn't seem ungrateful to sell them to me, the problem I would have (which is why I would feel bad and question myself afterwards) is that if I was supposed to give the unwanted stuff to charity but instead I sold it I'd feel I was taking away from charity. But if I were struggling and I had children I'd try to get money.

I might make some kind of deal with myself where I tried to sell this much while donating that much.

-

Like I said, I'm not sure that that's helpful but it is honest.

[Froborr]

I was raised on the principle of tikkun olam (rough translation: "heal the world"). According to my mother, an action is good when it does more good than harm, and thus making sacrifices to help others is only good if it helps them as much or more than it hurts you. My own view is a little more complex, but in this circumstance it boils down to the same: Someone who needs money is getting the money they need. What difference does it make who?

But at the same time, it's good to have to wrestle with your conscience to do this kind of thing, it makes it much less likely you'll use similar excuses to worm your way out of *all* charity. Just as I wouldn't trust a fire alarm that didn't go off every time I try to braise, I wouldn't trust a person whose conscience didn't ping on something like this.

[MaryKaye]

In my experience it is best for everyone's long-term health and good relationships if a gift is just a gift--no strings attached. I try to turn down "I'd like you to have this but please don't sell it" or "...please keep it in the family" or "...but I might need it back" gifts when possible, as they can easily lead to one party or the other feeling ill-used.

In this case, your relative has clearly indicated they don't expect you to keep the clothes. I would interpret that as freedom to do anything reasonable with them. Throwing away would be tacky unless there is no good alternative, but selling seems fine to me.

My mother-in-law used to send me clothes. For the first eight or so years she could not remember or accept that I am not an itty-bitty Japanese woman, so she sent clothes that would have fit her: she is about five feet, I am five feet six and heavily built. Eventually she improved on that point, but she still sent mainly pink, yellow, white clothes to a person who wears mainly blue, black, purple. We gave them away. This offended her quite a lot, but I could find no better alternative. Lately she has stopped sending clothes, which is a good all-around solution. (I hope she is not hoarding them instead, though.) This experience solidified my view that a gift is only good if the giver can genuinely let go of it.

[Ruby]

@Jason--I moved to a new city not too long ago, and I've lived in a "vacation-y" small town, so these are just my impressions:

Vacation-y small towns are statistically less likely to yield singles in their 20's and 30's. Not just because of the simple numbers, but because people often choose to move to small vacation-y towns when they are already married with a family. As well, though vacation-y towns can have wonderful and fun things to do, the whole vacation aspect has the potential to get old when it is either the off-season, or when you are working nine-to-five while all around you, people are vacationing.

With that in mind, and as a fellow single who is quite introverted but would like to find someone, I'd suggest you check out the singles scene in any city you find interesting. Try Googling things like "young professionals clubs," which can be a great way to meet other young people in group activities. I've found mine to be lots of fun.

Last year, I was job-hunting while very much under-employed. At the time, I thought I would be happy to move anywhere for a good job. But the more I looked, the more convinced I became that I needed a safety net of friends and family--not necessarily in the very same town, but at least in striking distance. I freely admit to being a catastrophizer, but I cannot tell you how grateful I was to be within a couple of hours (as opposed to 8-12 hours) of family when my grandmother was taken ill.

Also, echoing Lonespark that I would not dream about moving without a job waiting for me. Not in this economy.

As a Midwestern Slacktivite, I would be happy to offer my perspective on any cities or towns I've lived in, if you're interested.

Oh, and good luck! :)

[Dash]

Nick Kiddle, my experience, both as recipient and passer-along of stuff, is that "if you can't use it, give it to a charity shop or pass it along to someone who can use it" means "if you can't use it, get rid of it any way you like, preferably in a way that someone can get some use out of it." "If you can't use it, sell it" seems to me to be an odd thing to say, since it seems to put more of an obligation on the recipient to do something specific (and time-consuming) with it.

I'd sell the things if it would help you. You'll get some cash, and someone will get some things they need for a very good price.

[belchurchcom]

MESSAGE

[Brin]

Spam: MESSAGE

Short, straight, and...well, not exactly to the point, but two out of three ain't bad. Rather refreshing.

[Josh Enigma (the Transhumanist)]

TW: mild language

@ Chris - I didn't even get through the first page before I started crying. Just the visuals made me physically ill - I just can't. I couldn't: when they got to the part about the girl, I had to stop.

My message was actually (unsurprisingly) quiet confrontational. I won't say it was openly hostile, there was certainly a "fuck you, you monstrous abomination" undertone to it. I actually got a response back from the school, but this was my original message:

"http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/07/michele-bachmann-teen-suicide?page=1

Explain this. Explain why you aren't doing your job. It's your job to
protect children. It's your job to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. You're in the position of power and authority. If you believe in a God, any God at all, you'll do something. These children are bullied, they're attacked, they commit suicide. They have no control over who they are, but in your district they're routinely punished for it anyway, and you do nothing.

Explain why you haven't done something yet. Not to me. To God. Explain
to Him. You don't answer to me. You answer to Him. The God who told you to turn the other cheek, who told you to give the shirt off your back to the person who has no shirt, to not throw the first stone. That God. You answer to Him. The God who told you the only way to get into Heaven was not by boasting, but by doing good works that he laid out before you(Ephesians 2:8-2:10). Standing aside and doing *nothing* while children kill themselves because they are punished for who they are - that's not good works.

Now answer the question. Why aren't you doing anything about this
unrelenting evil that emanates from your school system?"

Yes, I did quote the Bible. Yes, I did tell them to explain it to God because, honestly, nothing they could ever say to me would ever explain why they stood back and did nothing. It's unforgivable. I figure if there is a forgiving and loving God, they're probably one thousand fold more forgiving than I could ever hope to be on even my best of days.

This was the response I got back:

"Josh,
Thank you for your message. I can assure you that we are deeply
concerned about each and every one of the students in our school
district. Please view our website at www.anoka.k12.mn.us\GLBT
Thanks,
[name withheld]"

I went to that webpage. I am not impressed; but I guess the only way we'll know is if things don't turn out this year like they did last year. It sounds like the national media is putting some pressure on them, but perhaps if some people from out of the country could mail them condemning the actions as inhuman as they stand by and do nothing, it'd send a louder message. But, it's like I said - I don't know if it sunk in or not. That they actually responded to me says something, I suppose.

That said, on a lighter note, I hope they don't come for my atheist card because of my message. I'm rather partial to it. :P

[Josh Enigma (the Transhumanist)]

Oops - I missed Kit's comment about how people from out of country can't send the message. Bummer - I'm pretty sure it would send a louder voice if they could, though. Thanks for putting that one up on your blog, Kit. Thanks to everyone for filling out the form and letting them know, too.

[Ruby]

Brin: Short, straight, and...well, not exactly to the point, but two out of three ain't bad. Rather refreshing.

It's fun to pretend the spam is mysterious and spooky. A message...but from whom? WHAT CAN IT MEAN???

[Josh Enigma (the Transhumanist)]

Ruby: But who was phone?!

[Pthalo]

I am an american ex-pat who still has a legal address in the US (well, it's my mother's, but that's where I get mail telling me that the next time i visit the US i have to do jury duty or whatever) but I don't have the spoons right now to write a reply myself. As such, if there's anyone from outside the US who would want to say something, but can't because they don't have a US address, I'd be happy to submit it for them and then pass on any replies. e-mail at pthalogreen at livejournal dot com, first come gets it as long at is vaguely similar[1] to what i would have said if i had the spoons.

[1] I'm a lesbian and against homophobia, so your message must agree with my viewpoint that homophobia is bad if you want me to attach my real name and US addrses to it.

[Tonio]

Best of luck to Jason.

I have a relatively small matter of my own. It's simply a request for information that I haven't been able to find on my own. One of my kids wants to read "The Last Martin" by Jonathan Friesen. Although it comes from a Christian publisher, which I didn't know until we brought the book home, the premise seems far removed from what I would have expected from Christian fiction for kids. My concern was that the story may include some proselytizing. I leafed through the book and didn't see any obvious instances of that, and the author didn't have anything on his website about what faith he has. Anyone here familiar with the book?

[Amaryllis]

@Nick: sell 'em. Second-hand kid's clothes-- at least, everything short of the heirloom christening gown-- are fair game for whatever their current possessor decides to do with them, and the previous possessor is extremely unlikely to care.

And selling them at a car boot sale means putting them into the hands of parents who are therefore spared the expense of buying them new; there's always that.

@Jason: what everybody else says, and good luck.

@Tonio: I never heard of that book, so I googled it; It sounds...odd...and potentially a little misogynistic...but not evangelistic at all, unless the lesson is extremely well hidden. Your best bet, even if you think it does carry a message that you disapprove of, is to read it yourself and then ask your daughter what she thought about it. My daughter and I used to have some good discussions that way.

[Sal, who hasn't had a non-military shower in almost six weeks and misses them]

Torrilin and everybody: Thank you all.

[Jason]

@Ruby-

That indeed was not something I had considered about living in a "vacation-y" place. There is this little town in the mountains of North Carolina, which I think somehow has been engineered by city planners to be "The Most Appealing Place to Jason Possible." It's not even really a huge tourist attraction. It's just this little town that is near a lot of popular vacation spots and so it has a lot of through traffic. It's just a destination for me personally, because there's something about it that I just love, so whenever I'm near there I visit. Lately around here it's been 100+ degrees and the area around my office is nothing but pavement and poorly maintained pavement with cracks and stuff growing out of it. That and a dying shopping mall where half of the stores are closed. I leave work and am surrounded by ugliness and unbearable heat and wish I could go to that little town instead. It never gets much above 80 there and even the areas with strip malls still manage to be 50 times more attractive that the shit hole area that surrounds my office building.

@Josh- This was the response I got back:

"Josh,
Thank you for your message. I can assure you that we are deeply
concerned about each and every one of the students in our school
district. Please view our website at www.anoka.k12.mn.us\GLBT
Thanks,
[name withheld]"

I got that exact same response. Word for frickin' word. EXACTLY the same.

[Ross]

@Jason: They called you Josh? Weird.

But seriously, yes, it's a form letter. Duh. Would have been surprised if it wasn't, but even if you didn't start out from the assumption that you'd get a form letter, the language makes it clear.

Still, I'm very impressed that they went to the trouble to block justify it like that. So, four out of five for style, minus several million for callous disregsard for human life.

[cjmr]

Nick,

I would actually ask your relative if she minds you selling the clothes instead of giving them to a charity shop. Some people view passing on hand-me-downs as GIVING the clothes to the next person in line and don't care what happens to them after that--other people view passing on hand-me-downs as LENDING the clothes to the next person in line and want them back to pass to another person or want them passed along for free to someone else who needs them when next person in line is done.

[Josh Enigma (the Transhumanist! at work)]

@ Jason:

o.O

WTH? Is it some sort of automated response? Did we get an actual person?

The individual I got had a first name that began with S and a last name that I think is pronounced like the capital of South Korean. Did you get the same name, Jason?

[Laiima]

@Nick Kiddle, for me personally, I would try selling them first, and only if that doesn't work, give them away or whatever.

I'm really big on recycling/reusing, but I balance that with, will it pose a hardship to me to find someplace or people who can use this stuff (if I can't).

[Laiima]

@Jason, in this economy, I agree that having a job in hand should be a prerequisite for moving. That got us out to Baltimore three years ago, but Spouse is on his third job here. (I had two jobs, that lasted a total of <9 months, and have been unemployed the rest of the time.)

Western Maryland has mountains. Near Chesapeake Bay, our subtropical climate is probably just as bad as South Carolina (and I have really been struggling with it), so I sympathize.

But I can say, having moved from Central Indiana to the Greater DC region, having a heterogeneous social and political climate, and cultural diversity, makes a HUGE difference in your quality of life, if you do not fit in your homogeneous culture. I moved from Chicagoland to Central Indiana, and I felt like I was buried alive. I never grokked what everyone else took for granted. I couldn't even fake it, I was just a miserable fish out of water. Then we moved here, and I totally love it. We see more diversity in our supermarket every week than I ever saw in 13 years of living in Indiana. You can't assume anything about anyone you meet, and I love that!

[Pthalo]

Having worked in tech support...of course you're getting a form response. They are getting thousands of e-mails on the same subject and all of these e-mails require pretty much the same response. Whenever the site I was working for had a major problem that resulted in thousands of users complaining, guess what? Form answers. We tried to tailor them a little bit to each user and to make sure that our form answer addressed all of their questions (and if it didn't, we'd give them the form answer + the extra bit they needed). But we definitely didn't sit down and try to come up with a thousand new ways to say the same information to a thousand different people.

It doesn't really matter, though. What matters is that they've been getting a lot of e-mails on the subject, enough to require a form response. When it comes to situations like this, the individual points you make in your e-mail aren't what's really important (you're not going to think of something that someone else hasn't thought of. they're not going to read every word of your lovingly crafted e-mail. they're going to skim it to make sure it's not a parent wondering when hockey practice is, who would require a different response.) what does matter in the sheer volume of different e-mails they're getting (they would notice if they got a lot of e-mails worded exactly the same). Every single e-mail they get is another reminder that what they do matters and people are paying attention.

[Jason]

@Josh-

yes, that was the name on mine as well.