I don't exist. We don't exist. We're three percent of the population, at least, and no one knows we're here.
It would be reasonable to look at my dating history and assume I'm straight. I've never dated another woman. I don't know anywhere to go to find another woman to date, except the local LGBT square dance club, for values of 'local' that include 'two hours away'. If I were on a date with another woman, it would be reasonable to look at us and assume we're lesbians; what else would two women on a date be?
There are few famous bisexual folk: see the astonishment that Angelina Jolie is still bisexual, though paired off with Brad Pitt. See Sappho of Lesbos, perhaps history's most famous lesbian (certainly the trope namer), though she had a daughter and wrote of marriage in an era long before marriage equality and of love for a man as well as for various women. See every Republican senator caught misbehaving with a male intern behind his wife's back; these are always referred to as closeted gay men, never as bisexuals.
The gay marriage debate is, as that frequently-used name implies, focused on the needs of gay and lesbian people. Transfolk come up in discussion occasionally—some states go by legal sex and some by assigned-at-birth sex and transfolk would stop landing on the wrong side of either method if those states allowed same-sex marriage—but bisexual folk never. Bisexual folk already have the legal ability to marry someone to whom they're attracted, after all.
The L Word, a groundbreaking show in terms of depicting other-than-heterosexual people on television, has a character say in the very first episode, "When are you gonna make up your mind between dick and pussy? And spare us the gory bisexual details, please." The character addressed, Alice, is being told that she cannot choose both: she must be either straight or lesbian, for there is nothing in between.
Alice is, by existing—I am, by existing—an embarrassment to the 'sexuality is not a choice' crowd. Alice and I can choose whether to act on attraction to men or to women. To the 'sexuality is a choice' crowd, we're proof of concept, and that embarrasses us.
As with many embarrassments, the easiest way to make the discomfort go away is to ignore or remove its source. Ignoring it is called bisexual invisibility, removing it is called bisexual erasure, and both happen because the world is biphobic and likes to make assumptions that rely on sexual and gender binaries. Even the word 'bisexual' can be taken to mean a reliance on those very same binaries; I use the word as roughly synonymous with 'pansexual' and 'omnisexual', but not everyone does.
The number one thing one can do to avoid bisexual invisibility is not to make assumptions. A woman married to a man is not necessarily a straight woman, nor is her husband necessarily a straight man. A woman married to a woman is not necessarily a lesbian. For the love of all things holy, don't assume 'bisexual' means 'sexually available' or 'willing to make out with a member of the same sex to titillate a member of the opposite sex'.
The number two thing to avoid bisexual invisibility and the number one thing to avoid bisexual erasure is to speak inclusively. Say 'LGBT' instead of 'gay and lesbian', or, better, say 'QUILTBAG'; that acronym includes queer, questioning, undecided, intersex, asexual, and genderqueer folk, all of whom are often erased or unseen even by other parts of the QUILTBAG community. Don't say 'homophobia' when you mean 'bias against anyone who isn't heterosexual', even though it's so much easier to say one word instead of six. It's the fight for marriage equality, not the fight for gay marriage.
I'm bisexual. I exist. I'm real. Look at me, not through me. Don't pretend I'm not there.
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