Completely open thread Friday January 27 2012

Due to several requests in the comment threads, we now declare this an ABSOLUTELY OPEN THREAD.

One, two, three... Comment!

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Comments

[Lonespark]

Party!

(Shall we speak more about the proposed Christianity roundtable?)

Here's a joke: Rabbit testicles!

[Froborr]

So... I have a question for all y'all. There's this person I've been having to deal with a lot the past few months, and it is extremely frustrating because this person (call them S) is invincibly ignorant, arrogant, offensive, obnoxious, creepy, prone to 'splaining, and generally making life intolerable for me and even moreso for another acquaintance of mine (call them P). As near as I can tell, S believes P is trying to gaslight her, and retaliating passive-aggressively. So, for example, when S loses something important (which happens frequently), she immediately accuses P of taking it, and then spends the rest of the day taking passive-aggressive potshots at P.

I'm only tangentially involved, but it has been triggery just being around it; it rather reminds me of my home life a couple of decades ago. That's not the issue, however.

The issue I'm having is language-related. I am not going to say anything insulting to S's face, I don't want that trouble, but I keep finding myself thinking gendered and ableist insults and then getting guilty about it. Can anyone recommend good terms for someone like that, which have the satisfying weight of a really solid insult without being gendered or ableist?

[Kit Whitfield]

I have nothing to say about the Christian roundtable except that I'd be interested to work on it and I'm glad we have our fine hapax on board to give TBAT the Christian perspective.

I will say, however, that I'm knitting with some awesome wool and that it soothes many a woe. I knit toy animals. If you're on ravelry.com and you have a bit of experience, I recommend this designer:

http://www.ravelry.com/designers/hansi-singh

Her patterns are amazing. Fair warning, some of them have mistakes in them, and they involve a lot of picking up stitches, left- and right-leaning increases, Kitchener stitch and, well, she makes full use of the different stitches knitting allows and has forced me to go on YouTube and improve my skills many a time, but the results are brilliant. Try the frog!

(Or she has a book here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Amigurumi-Knits-Patterns-Cute-Mini/dp/1589234359/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327695180&sr=1-1. Though it has no frog.)

Also, on a slightly easier level, there is this book:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Best-Show-Knit-Your-Own/dp/1843406624/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327695129&sr=8-1

I have made these as gifts and now everyone loves me. (Well, everyone who got a cat, anyway.)

Can anyone else recommend some great patterns?

[burgundy]

Froborr, I can ask my brother. He regularly comes up with bizarre, grotesque, scatological insults that are not gendered or ableist. I mean, I guess "penis-weasel" might possibly be gendered, but the issue there is not that penises are inherently bad. And colon-goblin is free of all those things.

I also have a book of Shakespearean insults, which seems like it ought to have at least a few. A quick glance has revealed "mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms," which has to be worth something.

[sarah]

Some good news from my corner of the world: My youngest brother got into a master's program AND got a job offer this week. (He's studying engineering. Guess there's always room for more engineers in the world.)

[Will Wildman]

Froborr: I am familiar with your insult conundrum; it's kind of an ongoing project for me. (Sadly not a substantial-enough one that I could just point you to a list I've compiled, although I have started making one, somewhere or another.) There are some cases where opinions split, too - the ever-popular F is considered by some to be so generic as to be acceptable, while others think it's inherently sex-negative; the more recent 'douche' variants are argued by some to be acceptable because the thing itself is harmful, while argued by others to still play too much into the idea that 'feminine stuff is bad'.

I've defaulted to 'jackwagon', which provides the kind of consonant-vowel pattern and ratio that English-speakers seem to be cultured to find most satisfying. But variety would be good.

Just going by personal history of inventiveness, I hope Izzy weighs in on this. Sometimes I think she has a policy of never using the same insult twice.

---

My youngest brother got into a master's program AND got a job offer this week.

Cheers, parades, biodegradeable confetti! Despite the obvious need in the world for more people who are good at designing and building stuff, I've heard that the engineering job market actually hasn't been great lately, so the latter portion is especially heartening.

[MercuryBlue]

And I got a job interview for a permanent position with my current employer! Tuesday. Wish me luck. *freaks*

[Froborr]

Congrats MercuryBlue and sarah's brother!

I myself am potentially up for a promotion in a couple of months, my supervisor is acting like it's already a done deal but I'm not trusting it. I've been under some financial stress lately (nowhere near as bad as it could be, I've just had to be careful and make a couple of mildly difficult decisions), so this would be great timing if it happens. (Which it won't, but that won't stop me from trying for it.)

Thanks for the suggestions burgundy and Will Wildman, too! If you could ask your brother, that would be awesome, burgundy. And I like "jackwagon," Will, but the "jack" part makes it feel masculine to me.

[Michael Mock]

Good luck, MercuryBlue!

[Will Wildman]

And I like "jackwagon," Will, but the "jack" part makes it feel masculine to me.

According to hapax on the other thread, it's army slang referring to a mule-drawn wagon full of junk, so the 'jack' is presumably from 'jackass'. Some googling indicates to me that 'jackass' is indeed only a term for male donkeys, although I think the male component of the term is less because it's worse to be a male donkey and more due to the consonant-vowel pattern I referenced earlier, which is commonly found to be a satisfyingly emphatic pronunciation.

[sarah]

Yay, MercuryBlue!

@Will: Yeah, that's what he said as well. In past years, students at his school would go into their senior years with at least one job offer under their belts. During his time there, not so much. So I'm really happy for him. He's in mechanical, btw, doing stuff that I don't understand with mass industrial boilers and making them more efficient.

[hapax]

Good luck MercuryBlue and Froborr!

Yay for Sarah's brother!

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Female mules, fwiw, are referred to as "jennies" or "jennys".

------

Entirely unrelated to either point above, I am right now wearing my favorite blue electric blue knee socks, decorated with flying books in neon green and red. I am describing them poorly, but trust me, these are SOX OF MIGHTINESS.

The reason I bring them up is because they were a gift from my least-favorite co-worker -- I kid you not, this person looks and acts exactly like Dolores Umbridge's tackier and nastier elder sister -- for no reason except "I saw them at the store and thought you would like them."

So not only these the result of a spontaneous act of generosity, but the *best* sort of gift, the kind that shows in-depth awareness and understanding of the recipient. How am I supposed to wear them and continue to loathe this colleague as I am convinced she deserves?

CURSE YOU, HUMAN COMPLEXITY!!

[shakes fist at motto at the top of the page]

[Lonespark]

Wooooo! Hooray for MercuryBlue!!!

[Lonespark]

Yay jobs! Yay efficient boilers!

[Lonespark]

In related news, hi my name is Lonespark and I want to be a science teacher. Or math. Basically I want to make some awesome colleagues out of disadvantaged youth. Getting there from here seems to have a steep learning curve. Job search program persons (I've been in 3 separate programs in the past 2 weeks. Not so good for the comforting routine for the kiddoes. Three steps sideways, one ahead...) recommend trying for sub positions to finish out the year.

[sarah]

[[hapax: Female mules, fwiw, are referred to as "jennies" or "jennys".]]

Gives a whole 'nother meaning to the Wailin' Jennys.

[Froborr]

@hapax: See, I have the opposite problem. I cannot find anything to like or admire or at least recognize as not completely terrible about S. I mean, she's not Hitler or anything, but she's so unrelentingly, pettily horrible.

I do not like this, it's tiring and makes me sad.

[Lonespark]

That is all around great, hapax. Those socks sound like the cool ones you can get from Wheelhouse Designs. Got my mom some penguin and puffin ones, and bike ones for my dad the Crazy Bike Man. (Is that Ablist? What about Bike Nut? The thing is, he explicitly uses the bike riding as a coping strategy for his anxiety disorder that he refuses to treat for some reason possibly related to Manliness or Mental Illness Stigma or Too Many Dr. Appts. Already.)

[Michael Mock]

So... the Beautiful Wife tells me that Secondborn has been using his own idiosyncratic air freshener. (He'll be two in April.) Apparently Secondborn grabbed the garlic salt out of the pantry and ran around sprinkling it into unlikely places. Oh, and giggling. So now our house smells like garlic. And salt. And possibly giggles.

[Froborr]

@Lonespark: Are you in the U.S. and willing/able to move? (References to "little ones" implies no on the latter, but just in case you are...)

I dunno if it's still true, but at least as of a few years ago a number of reservations in the southwest were actively looking for math and science teachers. Pay is not great, even for a teacher, and you would have to live in a small, fairly isolated community, but your rent is heavily federally subsidized. A friend of mine did it for a few years, did okay, but ultimately decided being a teacher wasn't for her and went back to library school.

[Lonespark]

No. We can't move now. However, we may end up back in the Southwest in the next few years. Mr. Lonespark is interested in looking into residency programs in New Mexico, and definitely in practicing in sleepy little towns out that way.

Anyway, still New England for now.

[MercuryBlue]

Thanks, all.

[Mmy]

@MercuryBlue: Just got back in --yay you!!!

[gleomstapa]

Yay, snazzy socks! My second favorites are printed with the bones of the leg and foot, all neatly labelled. (My first favorites have bright blue and green squiggles and are very warm, but I have no idea where they are.)

[Kirala]

Here's a question some people here might be able to answer: how do I manage until I manage to make a doctor's appointment?

I almost certainly have some form of ADHD, and lately the buzz of the highs and the anxiety of the lows have gotten quite unpleasant and obstructive. (Symptoms nigh-identical to my diagnosed father and sister, who do brilliantly with meds to take for the bad/hectic days.) Being busy and distracted, having no primary care doctor I can trust, and moreover having a job which I hate to leave during working hours (teaching high school - leaving kids with subs is the worst), it's taking me time to go to the doctor.

(To paraphrase Allie Brosch of Hyperbole and a Half: "I think that ADHD could be diagnosed more accurately if psychiatrists took a look at how their patients react when presented with a [goal] which can only be [accomplished] after completion of a multi-step task, like [making a doctor's appointment]. Normal people [choose and call a doctor] without pausing to feel completely overwhelmed by such a simple process. People with ADD have a much harder time with this task.")

Anyway. I know ADHD has been discussed at least briefly here; does anyone know any good coping mechanisms for putting tasks in their place instead of "sometime after I avoid them by surfing the net for a few hours"? Even making meals is starting to be difficult...

[Kirala]

@Lonespark - I wish you all the best in your endeavors. When I was job-hunting, it seemed like all the openings were in science and math; I hope something comes up soon. (It's a pity you can't move to NC and fill the gaping hole in Algebra 2 for our school. We have plenty of disadvantaged youth who want partnering, and part of my school's raison d'etre is social justice, so the fit would likely be good.)

[Izzy]

@Will: Aw, thank you! Although I feel like I fall back on "dude, fuck you, and also fuck you" a lot. ("Fuck" could be sex-negative, I guess, but it's also one of those words that has so many meanings as to mean nothing. When you can use the same word for emphasis, insult, and proposition, I tend to, er, say "fuck it".)

My own perspective...hmm. I honestly do use some of the more gendered stuff, off this board; I am also female, so there's that. My defaults at the moment are "asshat", "douchebag", "dipshit," and similar. May rotate "fuckwit" in sometime soon, as it's got a nice crisp snap to it. "Dickhead" is also good. Particularly in a two-person judgement-passing lunch:

Friend: "So blah blah and blah blah and then he threw a hissy about how nobody had saved him pizza even though he'd said he didn't want any."
Me/You/Whoever: "...dickhead."

There are, notably, two ways to do that: there's the sing-song Air Ball kind of thing, all "dick-head", equal weight on both syllables, and there's the leadup extended dance mix version: "...nnnnnnDIIIIIIICKHEAD!" Either way is a fun time, particularly two martinis in.

@MercuryBlue: Yay, congrats!

@Lonespark: Good luck! I'll keep an eye out; sadly, all the stuff I know about is weirdo private school stuff through my folks.

@Hapax: I go with "even a stopped clock is right twice a day" or something. Keeps me from spontaneously acquiring psychic powers and going Carrie on the T every few weeks. Also, those socks sound awesome.

I just got the ARCs for Book 2 ("...that," says my friend, "is an *extremely* shirtless man." "Nah, he's got a whole sleeve on! See, there? With the sleeve?") and they look good! I may also have bought a leather pleated miniskirt.

Spent two weeks being responsible and sensible before that. Two. Weeks. I don't know how anyone *does* that full time.

[Izzy]

@Kirala: I don't have ADD myself, but off the top of my head, I'd suggest maybe instituting a scheme of finite rewards, with a fallback system for each task. Like, "If I make an appointment or call five doctors, I can read this article," or similar. Meals might be harder because of timing.

[picklefactory]

I will take this right over to the previous previous previous thread if folks think I should -- that one's getting awfully long at this point -- but I think it's worth mentioning that Greta Christina had another post relevant to the atheism thing.

http://freethoughtblogs.com/greta/2012/01/26/atheist-argument-racist-cultural-imperialism/

[burgundy]

Ooh, I have Issues with that blog post. But I'm not sure which thread to address them in.

[Mmy]

@burgundy: Good question. Let's not do it here on the open post -- how about discussing in on the board post (where we were trading cute animals).

[Deird, who is an ADDer]

Kirala, I actually find it useful having people around to congratulate me.

Like ringing up my mother: "Hi Mum! I just paid a bill, and it was only two weeks overdue!!!"
"Yay Deird! Good for you!"
"Woo!" *feels accomplished*

...because they are tricky things to do, and most of the world might not realise they're *accomplishments* but that doesn't mean they aren't. Find someone you can be really proud to post-ringing-doctor, and tell them how awesome you are.

(For my part, I'll happily congratulate you if you show up here. Getting stuff done is hard and deserves recognition.)

[hapax]

@Kirala -- I am not ADHD, but I am ridiculously afraid of dentists. So when That Time rolls around, I go to one of my supportive online groups and say, "Yo, folks, I'm being pathetic again, help me do this."

And so the e-mails start rolling in -- "Did you make your dentist appointment?" "What day is your dentist appointment?" "Did you turn in your time off slip for your dentist appointment?"

And the Dreaded Day, dozens of e-mails in my inbox, all with the subject line: "GO TO THE DENTIST!"

And then I come back and report, "Hey, I went to the dentist!" And everyone chimes in "Yay you!"

It *is* all a bit silly, but as Deird notes, whatever works is good.

So if you would like us to do the same for you, I'd be perfectly happy to nag and applaud. (After all, I'm a mom. I've had plenty of practice.)

[Deird, who finds this odd and strangely upsetting]

...why do we suddenly all have names at the start of our posts?

It's very distracting.

[Deird, who didn't touch anything, really she didn't]

And the sidebar's moved! Okay, Firefox - what the hell is going on?

[Mmy]

@Everybody: Is that going on for anyone but Deird? It isn't happening in any of my browsers.

It is possible that one of the other members of TBAT was fiddling with the board to try and do something but.....

So, is this only Deird?

[Anonymous]

works for me (Firefox 9.0.1 Ubuntu)

[hapax]

Checked both FireFox and Explorer -- it looks fine to me.

[cjmr]

Hey, a thread that didn't have more than 50 comments by the time I saw it.

I can read and comment on it.

Congratulations to those with new jobs! Good luck Lonespark!

I need to make 5 dentist appointments. And 3 optometrist appointments. And appointments for two kids to have physicals for camp this summer. And choose a new doctor for myself since the one I've seen all of twice since we moved to MA has herself moved to Seattle. Blleargh! I HATE making appointments.

[Angelia Sparrow]

My ninth novel came out today! I'm terribly excited, because most of my others have been co written, but Power in the Blood is all mine!

It's a family tragedy set against the background of a post-Millennielist vampire church trying to bring about the Second Coming.

[kisekileia]

Kirala, this is something I have huge issues with too, but it can help to break the task down into smaller components. Before you call a doctor, you have to figure out which doctor to call. Then you have to find their phone number. Then you have to think about when you might be free for an appointment, but you don't need to have this set in stone. Then you have to find a time to make the call. Then you have to make the call, and either leave a message or negotiate an appointment time with the receptionist. Then you have to write down the appointment time and leave the piece of paper, email reminder, or whatever in a place where you will see it on appointment day.

I hope that doesn't make you feel even more intimidated by the task. The point isn't that you have ALL THESE SUB-TASKS to worry about. The point is that you can start off by just figuring out which doctor to call, and forget about the rest of it until that's done. Then you can worry only about finding their phone number. And so on.

Also, I just showed that Allie Brosh paraphrase to my boyfriend because it's amazing. If only my mother would be like my boyfriend and just accept what I tell her about how things are for me.

[kisekileia]

I agree with Deird as well. Having people congratulate you is great. Reminders to do a task can also be useful, but they're only useful if their primary result is to actually remind you of the task so that you get it done. Reminders aren't useful if they mostly just make you feel like shit, because then they'll make you anxious about the task, which will make you procrastinate on it even more. So if reminders get to the point where they hurt emotionally, they're probably not helping anymore.

[Lonespark]

Argggghhh! I have the doctor appointment thing. As far as I know, it's anxiety/OD rather than ADHD. I finally, 18 months after moving here and like 9 months after getting my good coverage, had a physical. Not because I should have a physical, which I should, but because I needed a refill on my psych meds. 4 months ago. I am supposed to get a psych referral and a prescription (for a different drug, argh. It's an entantiomer. Is that good enough? I hope so), but first I need to send them the contact information for previous doctor. Well, technically, all of my previous doctors, but we'll start with the last few. So of course I haven't got around to doing that. So I still don't have my prescription. But I did clear one humongous hurdle.

[hapax]

Well, good job on getting the physical, Lonespark!

(I'm really serious. hapaxspouse has dreadful "white-coat anxiety", which is all the more embarrassing to him coming from a family of physicians. I finally had to put "you getting a physical" as the only item on all my Christmas / birthday / etc. gift lists for over a year before he finally went and got one.)

[Ross]

Here's a joke: Rabbit testicles!

Q: Excuse me, good pharmacist, do you have cotton balls?

A: No, that's just the cut of my pants.

(See also:
Q: Excuse me, good fishmonger, do you have prawn balls?

A: No, that's just the cold sea air.
)

[Lonespark]

You've made me giggle, Ross. Now I just need some garlic salt, and my house will smell fresh and giggly.

[Laiima]

@Ross, well, you never addressed the issue I feel that you raised implicitly. How do rodent and lagomorph testicles differ? Inquiring minds want to know!

[hapax]

Fortunately there is nothing off-topic on a truly open thread...

hapaxson and I were talking about "reprehensible videogames", and I dredged up a vague memory of a truly ghastly one, or it may have been a tabletop RPG, that was mentioned on a Patheos thread.

I'm totally blanking on details. It was maybe a Call of Cthulhu ripoff? But managed to be so utterly misogynistic, racist, inhuman, and all-around narsty that it has served for years as a legendary benchmark of How Not To Do It?

Based on that impossibly vague description, including what might be erroneous details, does anybody know what I'm thinking of?

(And if not, at least y'all know how I usually feel at the Fiction Reference Desk)

[Brin]

FATAL?

[Froborr]

Do NOT look up FATAL if you are triggered by ANYTHING, it is one of the most reprehensible works human minds have ever devised. I am not kidding, it is the only thing I have ever encountered that deserves a Trigger Warning: Anything and Everything. It is Lovecraftian, not in the sense of having anything to do with Lovecrafts writing, but in the sense that the sheer horror of it demonstrates the utter meaninglessness and purposelessness of any universe that could contain it.